Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Resolutions 2015


I admit... I do resolutions. I don't do them the way most people do them. I think about what I want to work on for weeks... sometimes months. And if I break the resolution, I don't scrap it and quit. I've had resolutions that took me years to complete. In 2013 I resolved to run a 5K race. I didn't complete that until June of 2014. Did I fail? Nope. I persevered. In 2005 I vowed to stop wearing pants publicly. I've kept that going since and people don't even notice! In 2008, I vowed to have 120 by the end of the year... and did. My resolution for 2009 was to attend Show and Prove and I did. I don't see anything wrong with trying to bring more refinement to one's life. I think the thing with G's and E's is 11:14. If someone makes a resolution and doesn't keep it they think they need to commit suicide. It doesn't have to be like that.....

So here is the 2015 Lineup.

8 Scrubs
I hate wearing scrubs. Hate is not too strong a word. They don't look good on me and I don't like the idea of wearing a uniform. Also, I don't wear pants publicly unless I'm working out or cleaning outside. The last time I had a job where I had to wear scrubs, I gained 20 pounds without knowing. Scrubs are soooooo forgiving. You need to wear real clothes to keep you honest. If I put on an outfit and I have trouble buttoning it... I eat salad for lunch until I can. Scrubs..... not so much. Also... this devil I work with is DYING to wear scrubs. She doesn't have the clothes I have and resents having to dress everyday. She has been pleading to to boss to wear scrubs and he said that she could wear what ever she wanted. She refuses to wear the scrubs she desperately wants because I won't wear them. And I will continue to not wear them... until the boss gives in to her demands... as he always does. These bitches don't realize that I make my own clothes. I'm fly all day long. That won't change if forced to wear scrubs. Plus... I am becoming a midwife and midwives wear scrubs. I need them for that.

Stop Rushing and Slow Down
I rush all the time. I don't even know why. I hate being late, maybe that's why. I'm going to stop letting people goad me into their schedule and do me.

Be better about documenting activities
I do stuff. And this stuff needs to be written down as I do it. I need to keep my journal entries better and more timely.

I'm taking a vacation.
I haven't been on a vacation in 10 years. I think it's time. I work hard, I deserve it.

Weekly maintenance.
I'm getting older and need to forcibly stop and take care of myself each week. I'm going to do that.

Read all of Zora Neale Hurston's books.
That self explanatory. I read a lot. This is giving my reading more direction. My vacation will also tie into this exercise

Develop a new exercise plan.
You notice I say nothing about losing weight? I'm 44 and think I'm drifting into menopause. Definitely peri-menopause. My body is changing, my skin is changing, my sleep patterns are changing after decades of consistency. This is a natural change and I'm going with it. No need to fight it... it's going to happen regardless of the effort I put into stopping it. I just hope the mustache will be light. That being said, I want to get into a habit of regular exercise. I was running, but that just isn't enough. I need to be doing varied exercise. I was thinking about a modified/ghetto version of crossfit.

Get a new job.
I hate my job. I do. There is no place for growth, I dislike all but one of my coworkers, I'm not respected, I'm not compensated well, I get no benefits. All I have is security. I've been here for 11 years. I meant to be here for 6 months. This was supposed to be my transitional job to get me back in the workforce after the year and change I was off because my husband died. This job has paid bills and kept me comfortable. I appreciate that. But that's all. I work and for that I'm compensated. I have learned very little that I didn't already know. I do feel comfortable running my own practice now and my patient interaction has improved. This is going to be the gulliest of all my resolutions... but I hate this job so much... If I haven't found another by 2016... I'm quitting.

The thing about resolutions.... You should (a) make sure they are appropriate for you and your life. Don't ask for something you aren't ready to receive. You say you want to start dating but you haven't worked out the kinks with your baby mama/father. Or you want to lose weight but you can't afford the new wardrobe. Stuff like that. (b) Recognize that change is not going to happen overnight. If you quit smoking 1/1.... there is a 90% possibility that you will fail. But that doesn't mean you don't keep trying. The McClurkin song “we fall down, but we get up” is ringing in my head right now. Re-evaluate your resolutions at the end of the year... not when you mess up. (c) Make your resolutions doable. Don't say you are going to sprout wings and fly unless your a bird.

Do these with your resolutions and you will find yourself more refined by the end of the year.


Thursday, December 25, 2014



I hate when I look on my newsfeed and see posts that wish the readers a happy holiday. Just to be ironic and hypocritical, I decided that I would do one....

Today is a big holiday for the christians. Today is the day they give gifts to each other to celebrate an arbitrary date they chose for the birth of their mystery's god. Yay!!!!! Jesus may be the reason for the season, but the season is driven by capitalism.

But what do Gods and Earths do today????

We chill. I get paid for not working today and I'm gonna chill for the entire 8 hours. I might do another clarifying treatment on my hair. I bought some Chinese food for dinner, so I don't have to cook and Precise and I are going to watch movies all day. I might go out tomorrow and partake in the afterparty sales. I need a clarisonic and some over the knee Black boots. We shall see what's on sale.

Happy Paid Vacation to y'all, and to all a good night!


Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Dauntless vs. the Babies


Are ya'll as tired of these police assisted homicides as I am?

Yo... I hate cops. Not because of any personal issues I've had with cops. I'm not a criminal. I have no fear of cops. But cops have never done me a solid either. No cop has ever stopped me from being robbed. Though they will show up after the fact and tell me what I did wrong. And not ever attempt to look for the thieves. I've had cops give me tickets. I've had cops follow me and detain me because of their suspicions based on where they thought I should be. But I have never received justice at the hands of cops....

This thing that is truly irking me is the police reaction to the protests. Why are they having “feelings”? People in the US don't get to have “feelings” about their jobs. If you don't like your job.... quit. Most of us are “at will” employees anyway. The rest of us working non-cops just suck up the unpleasantness and keep it moving. I find it ridiculously unprofessional that these people who are paid with taxpayer money are protesting back.

I have a job that is at times unpleasant. I work in healthcare and there are lots of people who can't get what they want or don't want to be asked for money and get rowdy about it. Do I get rowdy back? No I don't. I smile and send their asses to collection. If I get gansta and respond back in kind, I lose my job. But for some reason cops are exempt from this process. I don't give a half of a fuck about how cops "feel." They need to protect these protesters because that's THEIR job.

This situation so reminds me of the movie Divergent. The Dauntless group is the police and they have been brainwashed to think that it cool to exterminate an entire faction. The devil always tells on himself. Somebody.... like their bosses... needs to sit down with the cops and have a come-to-jesus moment. Let these jokers know that we are not at war and you just can't be shooting folks because they are Black. But these cops are talking back to the boss. All cops serve at the pleasure of the mayor. You don't get to tell your boss to kiss your ass.

Geraldo Herrera and his ilk needs to have SEVERAL seats talking about Black people are at fault because we are scary or because we wear hoodies. That dog don't hunt. (a) that's inaccurate and (b) its a stupid cop-out. They see a Black person and get scared? We can't stop being Black. Big tall men can't stop doing that either. Their women don't seem scared to be around our Black rich. I suppose money makes one less scary. Maybe poor Black people are scary. But we aren't so scary that we can't clean your homes and watch your kids. White use that excuse when they don't want to do right.

Example.... I took a belly dancing class a few years ago. It was something I had always wanted to do. Try as I might, I couldn't find a Black teacher. And there is a big belly dancing community in Atlanta. So I found a beginners class that had several Black students, including a few personal friends. The instructor took my cash money for the class and that was the last interaction I had with her until the class was over. I struggled with the class... shattering the myth that all Black people are born dancers... and whenever I tried to get some help from the instructor she pushed me off. At the end of the class, the students were sitting around talking. They asked me what class I was taking next. I said none. I had tried it and didn't like they experience. The instructor heard me and said that I should take another teachers class. I asked why? She said that I scared her and that's why she shied away from me. I looked at her for a moment and asked her, “Why?” she said I was scary looking. I asked her “Why weren't you afraid to take my money?” and then when she couldn't answer that I said,”If I'm so scary, maybe you need to walk away now that I KNOW you purposefully beat me for $80.” Me... a 5'3.75” female. This chick had 4” on me in height. Plus we were in a white community. If she called the cops they would actually show up.

Switching gears a bit.... I feel sorry for this current generation of young people. This level of racism must be a hard pill for them to swallow. My parents were part of the civil rights era. They grew up in the south with all the Jim Crow restrictions. My parents never considered themselves the same as white people. I'm not saying they considered themselves less than white folks; but they knew that there were differences and that said differences would never be reconciled. They only wanted the opportunities that white people afforded themselves and because they were...and still are …. in power, deny Black people. Older Black people's philosophy was... “Just give us a chance to live like human beings.”

My generation was raised knowing that the doors had been opened and that we could walk in and demand a seat at any table. I did. And many of my contemporaries did. Those that didn't, chose not to... and that is okay too. Folks should be able to make choices that satisfy them. That's Equality. But never have I ever considered myself the same as a white person. My parents told me of their seperate-but-equal experiences... I have had my own interactions with white people. They are different. I have never aspired to be like one of them. But this current generation of children under 30 didn't get that memo.

I've had many jobs, and one of them was an 8th grade history teacher. These Original children don't see themselves as different from white folks. They see themselves as the exact same. They like white music and dress as they do. I'm not used to seeing Black children mimic and emulate white stars. It has to be a slap in their faces to see how white folks are behaving now. For me, these current events don't surprise me. I don't trust white people at all. I have 'pets' but they are 1 per situation and that's as far as it goes. I don't invite white people to my home. I chose to not live near them. These children are not taught to deal with adversity, so they don't have a clue what to do other than assemble and march. They don't have an idea how to exist without their pale friends. They're too close. The thought of truly boycotting white folks is as drastic as cutting off a limb. And that's our fault.

We have done a piss poor job in educating our children on how the devil does. We can't point to something that happened 100 years ago and expect them to have a visceral reaction. Slavery offends me, but it only embarrasses these young people. In another generation, it will be forgotten all together. I am incensed that my parents and old people had to live under Jim Crow.... that's my mama and daddy!!!!.... but this younger generation has no clue what Jim Crow actually means. It's not taught in schools (I taught it and the administration got mad) and without that bit of crucial information the civil rights era become confusing and irrelevant for these kids. Talking about it only in February is not effective. Ask a 12 year old Black child who was MLK and what did he do. they will answer, "He freed the slaves." SMH....

As always... I strive not to complain for complaining sake. But I have discussed this in previous posts and if you follow me, I've already given my solution. I'm just coming through to drop my Cee....


Wednesday, December 17, 2014

I'm Black Y'all


I'm Black... not African-American.

I live in the US, but I'm a Black American.

Oh Serenity! I thought you was conscious!
How can you say that?
Are you a sell out?
Do you just don't know your history?
Did you fall in love with the devil?

No.... I'm clear on who I am... and what I am. And that is a Black person living in America, with American citizenship.

I get that the US has no love for the people of color. It's not that they have no use for POC's; they just don't love us. They need and want us to be their servants... cook their food, clean their homes, cut their grass, raise their children, etc. they just don't like for us to have ambitions and aspirations of better lives. Devils seem to think that we aspire to be like them. That's not accurate. We aspire to have nice things... that is a normal human desire to do better than you were previously. It's evolution. Their problem is when left to our own devices, we CAN achieve these things on our own... then we breeze right passed them. You can't outdo Black people. If you research race riots in this country the story is ALWAYS the same. Black folks, with no aid from white people had a lifestyle that poorer white people felt was undeserving. Not because the Black people didn't earn it, but because they, the white people, hadn't. Never mind Black people paid for it themselves... built it themselves. American mentality is that Black folks should never be in a better position than any white person or the white people will attack.... and get away with it. Let that sink in.

Remember that scene in Roots the 2nd Generation, when white folks broke into Haley's father's home he shared with Irene Cara? White folks were shocked that a Black man... even though educated and hard working... had possessions that surpassed their own. And I mean something as simple as multiple sheets on the bed. Those people trashed the house not because they were mad with Haley's dad. But because they recognized that he was more civilized than they were. Ala 8:14.

When I say I'm not African... well... I'm not. I have researched my genealogy and realized that at least 10 generations of my family on both sides were born here... worked here... died here and are buried here. That makes me an American. When I was a resident, I would never call Black people African American on rounds. Every time I said something like, “44 year old Black male presents with....” All of the non-Black people would cringe a little. I never noticed (because I didn't care) until someone asked me why don't I use the designation “African American”? I said because I'm not African. The said “Well your people come from Africa.” I replied, “Don't all people eventually come from Africa?” Then a whole lot of arguments ensued to convince me to accept the label. I listened... really the nerve of folks who want me to accept who they say I am.... Finally all I had to say to end the conversation was, “My grandmother's grandmother was born in this country. Who else in this room can say that?” The only person in the room to raise their hand was the other Black woman in the program. Apparently my 'American Express' card has more 'member since' years than their did.

People who live in Africa don't see themselves as Africans first. Africa is a continent. They see themselves as members of the country they are from/live in. People from Nigeria are Nigerians. People from Kenya are Kenyans. People from Ethiopia are Ethiopians. There is no country called “Africa.”

Contrary to what's hot in the streets, American Black people cannot pinpoint where we are from. Because bloodlines where not kept pure during slavery or since. People from all over the CONTINENT of Africa were mixed. Slave holders didn't say, “I only want slaves from Nigeria!” or “My plantation only works Ghanaians.” Once slaves got off the ship... They were just slaves. White folks didn't care. Well maybe the rice growing plantations did care. They wanted slaves from Sierra Leone, because they were already familiar with growing rice and making dyes. When folks do that DNA test to find out where they are from, they find out they are from a lot of places.

This is a profound reason for me declaring that I'm not African.... Why are Black people in this country? Slavery. It pains me to say that the white man wasn't solely responsible. (And I really want them to be) Oh they get plenty blame, but they have to share it with many many African rulers. Google “Cudjo Lewis.” He was Nigerian cargo of the last ship to bring slaves to the US in 1859. Slave shipping had already been outlawed and this was bootleg mission. Once here, the government found out and put these people in a state of permanent immigration limbo. So there was a community of people in Mobile Alabama just living and chilling. Lewis got interviewed several times. The interview I like best is from Zora Neale Hurston in her book Dust Tracks on a Road. Reading the 1st hand account of how slaves where captured by their Black neighbors whose only motivation was to get wealthy. Those aren't my alikes. Their descendants aren't my alikes either. I'm not going to pretend that I'm cool with how that went down. I'm not claiming them as my own. I've seen documentaries where African descendants were aware of how their families came to have money of the backs of their brothers and fell no kind of way. Just because we share the same skin color, doesn't make us cousins.

So there you have it. I'm not telling you that you have to feel like me. I'm just saying you have the right to answer to... and call yourself... whatever you like.


Monday, December 15, 2014

Talking Back


Before I put finger to keyboard to write this post... I had a moment. The nature of the post could be considered incendiary. But then I thought... Screw it.

Ever since blogging became a thing, I have noticed that blog comments only tend to be something positive. I KNOW for a fact that folks don't see everything I post as positive. Folks who know me personally will complain to my face regarding something I wrote, but never is that disagreement posted in the comments. I am guilty of this as well. I follow the if-I-can't-say-something-nice-say-nothing philosophy as taught by my mother. But that is not completely right and exact.

If someone posts foolishness... and you don't say anything.... then you agree with said foolishness. For silence grants consent. Especially if you will comment on something you agree with with and/or like. How is that being a friend? In my personal life I will cut any and all people who only want to be around me when things are going well, but when I need them because I'm going through something they disappear like the trader That confirms we aren't really friends.

What prompted this was something I saw on one of the sewing blogs I follow. Folks will use the most horrendous fabric to make a garment and think they look cute. It doesn't matter how advanced your skills are... if you sew up a garment with ugly... non-matching... cheap looking... fabric... IT WILL BE UGLY. But I'd never say to someone...”Wow. That is some super ugly fabric!” I have no nice way to put it other than, “Is that a muslin?” IJS

Another sewing related pet peeve I have is plain vs detail. If you have a pattern that has a lot of detail on it, you shouldn't use a highly printed fabric because you's never notice the said details. It will be overpowered by the print of the fabric. If the pattern is plain like McCalls 6886 you can use any fabric you choose. And my problem is I recognize patterns. I can look at what someone makes and say... “Wait, that pattern has ruching” or “That has a feature” and see that the said feature is obliterated by the print. But who am I to say? I'm not a designer. I am just a person who is obsessed with art of fashion and garment construction.

Since I can't speak for everybody, I'm a speak for me.... If I post something that you disagree with, I openly invite you to post your view. Just be respectful and don't be anonymous. And be mindful there is a difference between interacting and trolling. I have had people tell me I'm too fat to wear something I made... anonymously. I would have posted it had it not been anonymous. I had another response of I don't know what I'm doing when I sew. Okay. I'll take that action. I admit there are people who have been sewing longer than the 31 years that I have so I am open to constructive criticism. When I blog, I blog with the intention of having a dialogue with others. I have noticed on my righteous blog that no one says anything about what I post. I will get private messages from people who don't real know anything about NGE and assume that the way I do it is the way ALL of NGE does it. Well what do you expect newbies and looker-ons to think when no one ever disagrees.

I said all this to say.... Talk back to me!


Thursday, December 4, 2014

Upper vs. Lower selves


I've been reading heavy thought (not thot) books these days. I read all the time, but I noticed for some reason unbeknownst to me, when the weather turns cold, my preference becomes books that force me to think and consider rather than books that just entertain. I find that truly interesting how my insides work. Anywho....

I have heard at Parliaments and other places Gods and conscious people share ideas, the concept of Upper vs Lower selves. Gods build that they need to banish the lower selves and focus on the upper. I have often wondered when I hear these Builds, is where did they get this ideology from? I mean it's really crazy to want to banish any part of one's self. What happened to taking the best part? I can't speak for other folks but I'm a share my understanding on Upper vs. Lower selves...

When I think of the difference between upper and lower selves... I think of the chakra system. The chakra system was the first “alternative” modality I ever studied on purpose. There are 7 main chakras: 3 upper, 3 lower and 1 in the middle. From the 1st/Root chakra to the 7th/crown chakra, the order is as follows.... Root: tailbone, responsible for survival issues, sacral: reproductive organs, responsible for abundance, pleasure sex. Solar plexus: stomach, responsible for self esteem and confidence. Heart: heart, responsible for love. Throat: throat, responsible for communication. Third Eye: In between and slightly above eyes, responsible for intuition, decision making, and wisdom. Crown: right above top of the head, responsible for peace of mind. This is a very simplified listing.

The heart chakra is in the middle and equidistant from the throat and solar plexus. The other 3 are physically close to their groupings. So when I think of upper and lower selves I think of lower as root, sacral and solar plexus. And I think of upper as throat, third eye and crown. Why would a person want to overlook the lower in favor of the upper? Are you getting caught up in the connotation? Because last time I checked, I need to eat, mate and have personal confidence. Those lower chakras have survival embedded in them. It's not unlike the brain that has the “new part”: the 2 hemispheres and the “old part” the cerebellum and the spinal cord. If you have a stroke in the hemispheres you might not be able to speak or move a body part. But if you injure the cerebellum you might lose your ability to automatically breathe. Imagine having to purposely take every breath or make your heart beat... How would you sleep?

Why not seek a balance between upper and lower rather than striving to subjugate the lower? I enjoy base emotions and activities as much as I intellectual pursuits. I adore food. I love to cook and I love to see the finished presentation. I love the way it feels in my mouth, I love tastes and textures. The way it feels to bite through food. I love the way sand feels under my feet and the sun on my face. I love tho hold my cat and feel him purr. I love the smell of freshly cut flowers and freshly made coffee. And you want to give this up and tell me that's wrong? All I should ever do I study, think and talk? These same Gods who want to subjugate the lower selves are not trying to give up the pleasure of sex or even weed. So my thinking is they don't really know what they are talking about. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

Seek Balance. There is a reason the heart is in the middle. If you know what love is, use it to find a middle ground between the various parts that make up your own self.


Monday, December 1, 2014

Your duty as a Civilized person


I had a horrible thanksgiving. It was to be expected. All my thanksgivings spent with my mother's family are horrible. I'm not exaggerating. There is something about thanksgiving that brings out the worst in my family. This is when I find out things like someone isn't someone's father. Or another person is in jail or has extra children or raped someone. The difference between this one and all the previous thanksgivings was that I was the center of the dysfunction. I'm very good at staying out of the drama. But I suppose it was my turn.

Here is what happened....
When I arrived to my mother's home at 1:45 pm, I found that the assembly there had already eaten. Not just eaten, but had seconds, had finished their desserts and were washing dishes. There was no chair set to the table for me. It was like I wasn't invited. I'm not one to hold my tongue so I asked, “Why did you eat without me?” the answer received... and received repeatedly... was, “There is a plate in the refrigerator for you.” WTF??? I wanted to flip the table Theresa Guidice style but I waited. I waited to see how long folks were staying. Maybe they had someplace to go and that's why they ate at noon. Nope. Folks sat and talked until 3:30 pm before they started to leave. I prepared to leave too. And they all seemed surprised. I live in a different state and I normally stay the weekend with my mother. I informed them that I came fr the celebration and since I wasn't invited to share their thanksgiving, I wasn't staying. That's when the drama started. I was called everything but a child of God.

Here are the externals (shit that everyone else said).... (1) Folks did not understand why I didn't come Wednesday. I never said that I was coming on Wednesday. Mother and I have a complicated relationship (more on that later) and I strive to spend as little time with her as possible. I do community service 3 times a year: mother's day, her birthday and 1 winter holiday. I would never have agreed to get there on Wednesday. Also... and what specifically makes my point... I worked on Wednesday. I didn't get off work until 5:30pm. It is a 4 hour drive to her home. I'm always concerned about my personal safety and wouldn't attempt a solo drive all late like that. (2) Folks didn't understand why I got there late. Well... no one communicated to me that dinner was to be served at noon. My mother likes to eat early but that time has always been 2:00. 12:00 is new. And lets be real... Who the hell eats Thanksgiving dinner at noon? That's lunch and not dinner

Now for the internals (my issues here).... I live in Atlanta. My exit on I20 is exit 51. that means I live 51 miles from Alabama. And Alabama is in a different time zone. It takes 2.5 hours to drive to the SC line. I live 4 hours from my mother's home. 4 hours! I am the one who has to travel the furthest, but they couldn't wait? And they knew I was on the way. My mother called at noon and we spoke. I told her where I was. It was raining in Atlanta when I left and hella windy. I almost lost control of my Jeep no less than 4 times.

The argument that “there was food for me to eat” was pure bullshit. That was all everyone kept saying. I let those people know that I eat every day. I have food at home and had food in the car. Every restaurant I passed was open fast or otherwise. I didn't need whatever foolishness was put on that plate to eat. There are 363 other days of the year and I eat all those days. The 7 doesn't do my family for the same reasons I don't want to do my family; They don't respect me. So since he didn't go... and told me he wasn't going... I prepared a thanksgiving meal for him. Hell I even had turkey giblets for the cat. There was all kinds of food for me to “eat” at home. Thanksgiving is about sharing social equality via a meal with the people you love. Apparently, I didn't make their list.

So why the post? It's not just about airing my family business online. As I was preaching to these jokers... I used their Bible's verses... their other argument (that didn't include food) was “that is between you and your mama.” No, it isn't. Not one of those people said “let's wait for Angel. She is driving from so far.” (And Angel is a family nickname and not my given.) If someone at the table just refused to eat, my mother would have waited. I hold everyone who ate there culpable as per Ezekiel 3:18. My mother has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I'm not making that up she has been diagnosed. I'm the scapegoat so I get that she will never treat me well. I accepted that a long time ago. Support groups were helpful for dealing with, strategizing and managing my mother since I choose to continue to have a relationship with her. That's why I don't feel bad about doing the bare minimum when it comes to my mother. But the people there just allowing her to marginalize me is wrong.

I'm quite sure she told them some lies. She lies on me for the bad all the time. (She lies on my brother for the good) what kills me is that folks believe her lies. I suppose folks don't think a mother would tell such blatant and ridiculous lies on their child but it happens. Grad school was the good old days of student loan disbursements. I would get enough money per semester to pay all my bills. I'd be “hood rich” at the beginning of the semester and starving student at the end. My mother being unfamiliar with the process told her friends that I was prostituting myself for the money. Even thinking back on it now I can't believe a mother would insinuate such things. People must have believed it because folks whispered and some outright refused to sit next to me in church. I have never worked in the sex industry EVER. Word got back to my father and he hit the roof. Of course he came at me first, because why would my mother lie like that. Then he went to my mother who just laughed it off. She said I had money she couldn't account for and made an assumption, but it was a joke. (a) Why does she need to be accounting for MY money? And (b) why didn't she just ask where I got it from? I'd never witnessed that kind of anger in my father toward my mother. He went apeshit and threatened her life. After that he gave me $500/month until I graduated. He almost bought me a condo, but my mother talked him out of it. Years later, he said that she used to lie on him for no reason and it burned him inside to think that she could do that to her own daughter.

My mother has friends who close to her like sisters. They all want to see me now... I don't know why... they want updates of my life they want to be as involved with me as they had been when I was a child. But I cut them off. Completely off. My mother was mentally, physically and emotionally abusive to me as a child and they witnessed it and did nothing. I cannot care about them at this juncture. They claim it hurts their feelings, but again.... I was hurt and they stood by and did nothing. My godmother feels particular about this, but she was the closest to my mother and still did nothing. Where was my village?

I have scars on my left cheek and leg from where my mother cut me with a knife. I have a scar next to my left eye, where my brother hit me with a phone in a drunken rage and my mother refused to take me to the hospital because she feared what would happen to my brother. I have a palpable dent in my head. You can see it on an x-ray.

I'm not saying this to be all poor-is-me. I despise that in people and especially myself. This treatment at the hands of a person charged to love and protect me put real steel.... no adamantium.. in my back. Folks tell me I'm hard. I had to be and I don't see that changing.

So I said all this to say.... If you witness mistreatment of the people in your cipher... and you do nothing … say nothing... don't intervene.... feel like it's not your business. You are wrong and deserve to be punished with a severe punishment.


Sunday, November 30, 2014



It's taken some time for me to put my thoughts together. I'm not about promoting my Culture by denigrating another. My Culture can and does speak for itself. But there are moments when I know there is NO possibility of me returning to my former lifestyle. And this is one of the reasons....

My Aunt was a member of her church for years, months and days. More than 60 years she labored in her church. My grandmother had been a member of this church, and where my mother had been baptized. Had mother stayed in her hometown, my brother and I would have been raised in that church too. This church was the family church.

My Aunt was fortunate enough to become elderly; and had all the issues elderly have. She developed Alzheimer's. If you know anyone with this disease you know they don't get better, only worse. Eventually she had to be hospitalized. My aunt lived for about 10 years with the disease. It was like her body forgot how to do what bodies do. She stopped engaging. Stopped speaking. Stopped eating. And eventually stopped breathing. The super rich have the money to put their old folks in those rent by the month places. We aren't rich. My Aunt had to use her social security and medicaid to pay for the nursing home. Not part of it... ALL. There was no other money.

When she died, the church that she had been a member of denied her a funeral. Actually, they were quite, stank about it. They said we didn't send the church any money. What money? All of my Aunt's money went into her care. Because we didn't donate money to the church we weren't able to have anything there. WOW! It's shit like this that keeps it real for me. Not only was my Aunt denied her service..... she wasn't allowed burial in a plot that she already paid for because it was on church property. My Aunt had been married twice and both her husbands predeceased her. Both husbands were interred in her family plot. She was to buried in the middle. But that didn't happen because she didn't pay her tithes. Who are they gonna put in there with them? A stranger??? Are they going to refund the money back to the family? This is some grimy shit,

Why do people get all shiesty over dead people? What does a funeral cost a church? My Aunt wasn't just some pew member. She lived walking distance from that church and went there daily. I remember being there as a small child and my Aunt and Grandmother cleaning all the wood in that old wooden church. I can still feel the burn and smell the Murphy's oils soap. Auntie cooked for that church, sang in the choir taught Sunday school, was an officer. She even cosigned for church loans! But she wasn't allowed to get old, sick and die in that church.

None of the people from that church visited her while she was sick either.

It's shit like this that makes me clear my days of xianity are done.


Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Here we go again


When it comes to politics and current events... I feel deeply. But I'm not one of these people who will dedicate a ridiculous amount of blog space to building on something that I know isn't going to change.

Racism is alive and well in the United States of America. White people have.... and ALWAYS had... carte blanche to kill Black people at will and face no repercussions. There is a underlying current that started back with Dred Scott and is still very much alive today: “The negro has no rights which the white man is bound to respect.” The only people who commit crimes and are promptly punished are people of color. White folks, not so much... unless they are Muslim. And that is the way it is. No amount of boycotting, marching, looting, protesting, is going to change that. Why do you say that Serenity? Because that is the way it has always been and those moves have been tested. They might have worked... a bit... back in the day, but the devil would be stupid to not have plans in place to counteract that now. Basically what I'm saying for the slow people is, “That shit won't work anymore.”

I am 44. In my 44 years, I've seen some things. I've had some experiences. My parents were as active in the Civil rights struggle as people in NJ could be. They didn't march in Selma because they didn't live in Selma. They did a temporary bid in the NOI. They boycotted all that they were told. They sent money to organizations that claimed to be using the money for “the Struggle.” They refused to buy their children anything that had a white graven image on it. They made sure that they were educated and sent their children to white private schools. How else are you going to show the world that you are an evolved Negro? My mother was a teacher and my father was a business owner. They thought they “cured” racism. But 10:14 & 34:40 is clear that racism cannot be cured.

The problem with the civil rights movement is that it was 1 sided. Black people wanted the things that white people had. They didn't want to be excluded from what was perceived as the “good life.” So all the movement was from Black to white. NEVER the other way around. Think about it.... Black folks already had their own schools but decided they wanted to be able to go to white ones. OK. So now white schools have AMAZING athletic programs that bring them ridiculous amounts of money while HBCUs struggle to keep their doors open. Even though more Black people go to PWI... more Black people GRADUATE form HBCUs. Bussing took the best and the brightest Black children and allowed them to go to mediocre white schools. The addition of talented well behaved Black children in their student bodies makes their ratings soar while back in the hood the ratings drop. Don't get it twisted. Your tax dollars will ALWAYS go tot he white schools before they the scraps they send to the Black schools. And when ratings drop, the government steps in and polices our babies... or shall I say, they indoctrinate them to think that government intervention is normal rather than the exception.

My parents... who were born and raised in the 1930's South Carolina... often reminisced of their childhoods and they unintentionally explained that even though they grew up in segregation, they had everything they needed. They had schools... good schools. Not the 1 room shack of barefoot Black children that you see in old devil publications. But Real schools. They even took me to the actual schools that they attended. And both my parents had multiple pairs of shoes to choose from. They had churches, salons, barber shops, funeral homes, clubs, repair shops, banks, hospitals, gas stations, insurance companies and any kind of store selling any kind of thing you wanted. They had their own “Main Street” or business district in their neighborhoods and had no reason to go into the white neighborhoods, unless they worked there. Contrary to what you see in the media, the majority of Black people, worked for other Black people at that time. All those Black businesses would need employees. So Black people were not only providing for their families but also the families of a given neighborhood by providing services AND jobs. My paternal grandmother was a seamstress and supported, with her husband, 7+ children in their own house on their own property. My maternal grandfather had his own fields of cotton and soybean and used hire folks to pick HIS cotton. So all segregation did was to force the white man to take our money. Who lost there?

I was a little girl in the 70's. I remember that there were still businesses that Black people owned. There weren't whole communities of businesses... like a Black downtown.... but they were out there. You just had to be adamant about hunting them down. There was “Fresh as a Daisy” cleaners, that was owned by a Black man. There were NOI restaurants and corner stores owned by Black people. Wilroy's and Esmereldas were corner stores that took my candy money. Black Hair salons, barber shops and funeral homes will always be businesses that Black people support. I suppose we would be uncomfortable if our hair and dead folks got fucked up. And white people do have different hair and I don't trust them to know how my hair does. Back in the 70's and 80's there was still Black owned places. But the Rodney King riots brought it to the conscious mind that that shit was all over. People put out signs indicating that they where “Black owned.” But there weren't that many signs up. And do you know why?Asians came in our communities and quietly bought it all up. And we LET them.

I have nothing against Asians, Middle Eastern people, etc... they are POC... having their own businesses. I really don't. I'm not that level of hater. But when they came in, they disrespected the communities that they earned their gold from by insulting them and treating them like criminals even before they had committed crimes. If I walk into a store and people start following me and making comments, I'm a be pissed. You would be too. That cause enmity between the people. And that ONLY benefits the devil if we all are mistrustful and in-fighting. These Non-Black POSs don't live in the communities that they serve. That's different from the way Black people did it. Folks knew where you lived because you lived upstairs from your business. Braggs lives upstairs from his funeral home. When you go in there, you see the stairs that leads up to his living suite. The other POCs come in, take our money while treating us badly and serving us lower quality and go back to their neighborhoods. They hire their own people. All they do is use us. But we allow it. That government indoctrination made us blind, deaf and dumb... basically... powerless to stop it.

There is a prevalent attitude that anything you buy from Black people should be looked on with suspicion. I hear my people say that they rather go to white man/business to get things done. Why??? to quote Malcolm X... “Who taught you to hate yourself?” Black folks can do anything white folks can. So why do we believe that a white person's goods and services are better just because they are white?

OK... enough of the jaw jacking. I was just striving to bring some clarity and history to my point.... As Black people.... we have to take back our communities. How do we do that. IN THE POCKET. We need to go back to self-segreation and do for self. I know it sounds very revolutionary... very ugly... very scary... very unChristian... but the integration hasn't worked. And it will have to be very Moses-in-the-desert. It will take a generation of doing for self to shake off the old ideology and indoctrination of the devil. There is no way that we can do any different as a group.. not just individuals... unless we break those ties. Example... Precise and I are very comfortable. We both have jobs, cars, live in a nice home.. we look prosperous. And we are. How do we as a family affect the collective as a hole? We don't. Just because we have It good doesn't make it better for anybody else. And because we work for other people, it could all be gone tomorrow.

There's about to be a whole lot of co-ops and collectives coming

Schools... We cannot start schools without the devil's involvement. But we can home school our children. I'm not talking about high school only graduate parents who read on the 6th grade level teaching the babies, but we can find people who have experience in different specialty areas and form an educational collective so that Our children can get the best Black centered education that money can't buy.

Economics... While we are waiting for folks to get their shit together and have brick and mortar business we can develop a system of bartering for goods and services that we use. You fix my car, I will make you a new suit. See how that works. Folks without greenbacks can still have nice things.

And when these brick and mortar businesses go up, we will support them and give them feedback. We won't be house niggerish and go look and if we see something we don't like leave, never go back and talk about them like a do behind their backs. My father used to complain about that all the time. People would come to his office, get mad at something easily rectified, leave and never come back. But they would never tell him so he could do something about it. He'd just be confused and wondering.

And business owners will give their absolute best to their patrons. And not treat them like a dollar.

We need to grow vegetable gardens. We need to learn how to can and put food up. We need to know how to make clothes.. and moonshine. We need to know how to build stuff with lumber. Seriously, do you know how to build a carport? A tree house? A doghouse? If the answer is no, you damn sure can't build a house to provide shelter for your family. Learn how to do something useful damnit! What happens if some apocalyptic event happens next week? Will you survive for even a month?

Personal Improvement: I suppose this should have been written 1st. But we die because of a lack of knowledge. I adore being Black. There is absolutely no shame. In fact, I'd like to be darker with nappier hair. Do you know why? Because I KNOW.. not suspect... not hope.. not imagine... but KNOW that Black people are the source of everything on this planet. I read. I study. I observe. I experiment. And I am willing to pass on what I've learned. But I'm not willing to fight folks to wake up.

Also stop looking to the government for life. You should NOT be getting your health care, your cell phone, your apartment, your food from the government. You should be providing that for your self.

And we need to have an attitude paradigm shift: We have to be nicer and more considerate to our own people. Old people cannot look at young people with disdain and yell at them. Young people cannot look at old people with disdain and think that there are not useful. We can't look at people with prison records and tell them they ain't shit. People with prison records have to accept that their options are limited and have to be innovative about earning honest gold. Black women cannot look at Black men and instantly judge him to be a dead beat dad a cheater and/or a potential abuser. Black men cannot look at Black women and only see a hole. Think all Black women are beneath them. Black men and Black women are EQUALS.

It's not about getting back at white people. White people are all about self-preservation. They look out for themselves. And we should look out for ourselves rather than begging and pleading the white man to look out for us. We expect them to do for us what we won't do for us. Does that sound right to you? Let's get our shit together because that is the only way we can end this cycle of abuse that we receive at the hands of the devil.


Wednesday, November 19, 2014



The church I grew up in had a tradition of asking folks for Bible verses if they came to meeting late. Depending on who was running the meeting, you might have to build on them. But for the most part you just had to quote them. I'm not sure if other churches did this. I have only been a member of 3 churches in my life and only the 1st one did this. It was funny to observe because you saw late people going through their Bibles before they hit the door.

120 has Bible verses. And you do have to quote them as well as build on them. 19:40 is one of such degrees. It has 2 Bible verses. Which I think is interesting since T.H.E.M. Was the one answering these questions. Shouldn't he be using the Koran? I get the people he was talking to were unfamiliar with the Koran, but at some point.....

Anywho.... I adore Ezekiel (God's Strength) 3:18! It sounds amazing when you quote it with emphasis! Like Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction. Strangely it was also Ezekiel but verses 25:17. Ezekiel was sure pissed off.... But the verse.... and I'm not writing it out here. You wanna know, look it up.... commissions an uncomfortable duty. We must counsel the 85 or, as the same degree tells, be punished with a severe punishment like being beaten with many stripes.

I hate the thought of doing that. I hate that I am supposed to walk up to folks, all unsolicited, and tell them about themselves. Can I tell you what would happen if someone did that to me??? I got your wrath Ezekiel. But since, as civilized people, we are held responsible for the uncivilized and punished, I have to get over that stage fright.

So what does this look like exactly? Does it look like me walking up to chicks who are showing entirely too much ass, and tell them they need to cover up? Is it going to a rib shack and telling all the patrons and employees that swine kills? Is me knocking on doors like a Jehovah's Witness and asking folks if they know who the true and living God is? Is it standing at the bus station handing out righteous tracts? It kind of is. But that's not my style. It's also not my style to laugh and point at 85ers behaving badly. We all have to find that within us to reach people in a useful way.

It's important that when you talk to the 85, you speak in a way that you words don't get disregarded by your audience. How many times have old people come at you in cold currents and you just go numb? And that's a shame because old people have a lot of sage advice to offer. But when they give good advice with bile, folks turn off. I've seen Gods and Earths do this very thing. Give good advice badly. And rationalizing it off by saying, “Well so what. They needed to hear it.” No... What they need to do is listen and consider, not just hear. That is casting your pearls before swine. An exercise in futility.

I remember back in the 80's Gods would stand on street corners heckling you about any infarction they saw not really offering solutions. It was annoying. “Yo! Little mama get that swine off your lips and seek the true Gawd!” Does that sound like Good Orderly Direction? I flipped them the bird and kept it moving. I'm not righteous because of those Gods. I'm righteous in spite of them.

So here is Serenity's plan... I'm funny. Indeed I am. What I do is greet people in a warm current and make jokes. (And I have met a plethora of UNFUNNY Gods and Earths) Get them laughing and slip a lesson in it. BOOM! Duty done. All the 85ers I share space with all know a little something something about my beloved Nation. Even the people I work with know the difference between our Peace sign and the hippie one. And they know why. When I leave for the day they all say, “Peace” to me. It's a little thing but it counts. Every now and then my boss refers to or calls me Serenity. Just as long as Serenity is NOT on my paycheck we good....

So what are you doing?


Monday, November 17, 2014



This time of year is confusing for a lot of Gods and Earths. For some it is absolutely not. I guess for those G's and E's who have completely immersed themselves in the culture and refuse to adjust or conform to the world around themselves, this time of year is no different from any other time of year. But I'm not one of those Earths. I live in BOTH worlds.

This was something my 7 told me I had to make my peace with once I got 120. Even though we share our lives together, we do have areas that are uniquely our own. He equipped me with the tools to stand on my own square while abroad. And that is one of the many reasons I appreciate him as a God and as an Educator.

There are holidays that exist in this country and at some point we have to ask ourselves if we are going to participate. I would think for this Culture to be 50 years old would make it easier to navigate because there are old people who have already worked out the details. You'd think that. But the reality is a lot of folks keep this close to the vest and don't allow it to translate to the rest of their families. But that's another build. I have this worked out in my life. So I thought I'd share How I do holidays. Remember, this is how I do it. You neither have to agree or disagree.

I observe all national paid holidays. I am an American citizen. I was born an American citizen. I am not a citizen of any other country, nor do I want to be. So when it comes to patriotic holidays, I celebrate. Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day... all that. I grill or travel to a grill, I even have a dedicated outfit that I where on these holidays. I also do Thanksgiving. That is a FABULOUS holiday. It celebrates eating, sports and gratitude. Who can complain about that? I suppose Native Americans can... and that's their right. But as for me.... I'm eating.

Christmas is another beast entirely. Christmas is a Christian holiday that secular people celebrate; unlike Easter. It's easy to avoid Easter. But Christmas... not so much. I don't put up a tree and I don't buy many presents. The only present I buy is for my mother. My mother is old and a ride or die Christian. She isn't changing her ways. And it hurts her when she doesn't receive a gift from her child at Christmas. So I buy one for her. That's my mother. I will spend the day with my family. It is one of the few days in a calendar year that they will gather. We don't do anything particularly religious. We eat, laugh, joke around, other folks will exchange gifts, eat some more and then disperse. One of my cousins has a degree day on 12/17 so we will linger for that and then it's a wrap. So that's a weekend of family. I happily do that. My family knows I'm not a Christian and it has stopped being weird.

I absolutely do Halloween. I do it. I love it. I dare someone to tell me candy and costumes are bad. I give candy to children because I remember the joy of trick-or-treating as a child. There are only a few religions who treat 10-31 as a revered day and precious fewer as a day to do evil to others. Satanists and Luciferians don't do bad things on Halloween. Anti- Halloweeners need to find some chill.

Stray days like Valentine's Day, St. Patrick Day, Cinco de Mayo etc. are on a day-by-day basis. If something fun is going on, I do it. If not, I chill. I like Valentine's Day. It's a romantic girl holiday. Yes the Facebook excuses of why should a dude have to do something on that particular day to me aren't valid. Dudes are just being cheap. I bet on their birthdays when they get a gifts and extra attention, they aren't complaining. It's the same premise. If there is a parade for St Pats, I'll go. I like a good parade. I'll even wear green and drink the green beer. I like margaritas and nachos on 5/5. This is the USA. And in the USA you don't have to be the nationality or ethnicity of a certain group to celebrate. Here, anything goes. But I never claim the other Culture and I won't be disrespectful. I just enjoy the fun parts.

I cannot tell you the last time I stayed up through New Years Eve. I used to insist on doing something, but when I was widowed it was a very painful time to be alone. I started sleeping through it and do you know what? I'm good with it. I even turn my phone off so that my sleep won't get interrupted with all the calls and texts that come in after midnight. The next morning is a good time to start reaching out to folks.

Kwanzaa....? Does anyone know how to celebrate Kwanzaa? I have all the pieces to set up a table. So I do that. We may build on the the Kwanzaa principles and how they coordinate with the day's Supreme math at dinner. That's pretty much it.

When I was a little girl I looked forward to a new Easter outfit... And I still do. I always get something new for Easter and my birthday. That isn't a religious tradition. It's a Serenity tradition.

Nation Days, like the Father's Bornday, Show and Prove and Day 1, I'll celebrate as they were. It's more of an observance than a celebration.

I actually celebrate the change of seasons. It's something I was taught to do a long time ago. It makes sense to me because as tenants of this planet it's important to keep in touch with the natural order of things. So I celebrate the Solstices and Equinoxes. For many Original Cultures, the spring equinox marks their new year. We also need to be mindful that depending where on the planet you live the seasons are different so one person's spring equinox might be another's autumn.

The bottom line is we are a show and prove Culture. For whatever reason you do what you do.... make sure your reasoning is sound and mathematical.


Monday, November 10, 2014

Today's Math Knowledge Cipher abbt Knowledge


In case you didn't know... today is my degree day!!!!! I'm excited like all small children are... but I 'm not really looking for any gifts.. per se. I've have gotten to the age where I will buy what I want when I want it. No need to wait until a holiday. I am just supper happy to be here doing what I do and have people who care enough about me to send me a shout out. That's grown.

Birthdays make me introspective. And being that today's Supreme Math is Knowledge Cipher, I think it's appropriate for me to be that way. The number 10 is the end of of a cycle and the beginning of another. It stands to reason when you get to the end of a cycle you stop look back and make determinations about whether you were successful in all your endeavors. Have I done everything I intended to do for the last year? Almost. And the important things that didn't get accomplished, I didn't have control over. Oh there are some tasks that I haven't completed... some not started. The importance is low and it will happen.

My activity with the local Cipher stopped. Not really my decision. And you know what? I'm okay with that. It's been nearly 6 moths and I don't miss it at all. This is not my 1st time being asked to leave Ciphers. When I was a church goer, I was asked to leave multiple congregations because my vision of Christianity was not their vision and since divergent visions aren't allowed.... I didn't miss them either. The duty of a civilized person is to teach the uncivilized. I can do that without the Allah's Garden Cipher. Yes, it is easier to move as a group, but not impossible. I can and still am laboring to Show and prove the Black Man is God; the Black Woman is Earth; and babies are the greatest. I still volunteer primarily with my college alumni chapter, and eventually with my sorority and a bit on my own. I'm still Earth regardless of whom or what.

I'm healthy and happy. There aren't very many things in my life that I'd change that aren't changed if you know what I mean. For quite sometime, I have been striving to live deliberately. Meaning do and be what speaks to me as successful. If you imagine yourself living in a particular home, wearing particular clothes, driving a particular car, etc make that a reality. Manifesting a vision is always successful because it comes with life lessons. You can decide if you like it or not. Did it work for you? And it satisfied curiosities so that you aren't wondering what if... I've been doing that and I'm planning to make a few tweaks here and there.

So here I am at the end of a cycle and beginning another. Renewing my history for another 366 days (next year is a leap year). And it's all good.


Sunday, November 9, 2014



9:14 says that we would permit the devil to come amongst us and do SOME trading.... Why are we permitting devils do it all? What do YOU have to trade? What do Original people in general in this wilderness have to trade? So who are you trading resources with?

I have a business card that says: Dentist, notary, seamstress and midwifery student... But no one is knocking at my doors. It's not 'trading' if you give it away for free.

Everything about 9:14 speaks to me about self sufficiency and the kind-heated nature of Original people. Self sufficiency because we are the ones who should be controlling... or as the degree reads... permitting... trade to happen. In this world, Power is synonymous with money. Moneyed people, have the best toys. Moneyed people have all the items to trade with and for. Money people grant jobs either by employing or using their resources to buy from others and enriching vendor pockets.

Also, according to the degree, clearly devils are segregated from Original people. So that is natural. But what isn't natural is them running the segregation process. him/devil still makes up 10% of the world's total population. No amount of eugenics towards us or birth bonuses for them have been able to change that 1 fact. When devils come around they are to be killed quickly, that is, unless they have gone under study. But if that work hard to strive to emulate us... i.e. become civilized... then they can come around. But if they fuck up... OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! Why is is we allow the devil to hold sway on every level of our existence. From the language we speak to the clothes we wear, to how we conduct ourselves in public. Yes we are kind hearted, but this permissiveness has gone on to a fault. We could benefit form knowing when to cut the devil off.

Oh how we have fallen.....

Just some thoughts that run through my mind while meditating on 120.


Friday, November 7, 2014

7:14 Lies I've Been Told


I probably built on this before. So if this is a repeat... my bad. It happens. And it will be a build mcnugget....

I hate to admit this... But up until maybe 5 years ago.... I thought all of Africa was savage. It's true. I was thinking it was all Tarzan and those people lived in huts sleeping on floors and wild hyenas were just roaming around at will picking folks off. Ridiculous I know. The parts that didn't have the animal savagery, were war torn with people fleeing half naked with bloated bellies who needed missionaries to save their immortal souls and bring clean water. And when I'd see African people here, I'd be like “I know your glad you're here” I'd hear people, Black and white tell me that maybe slavery was a good thing because we got out. And this is after me having 120! My late husband was a travel agent and Africa was a place that we we were in agreement about NOT wanting to go.

That was foolish.

I have come to learn that Africa is as modern as the US. Parts are the shit and other parts just shit... like the US. And do you know what prompted me to into that realization??? The Real Housewives of Atlanta. They took a trip to Africa and it wasn't jungle it was posh and citified. They were staying in a luxury hotel getting all pampered and eating well. The jungle part was a guided tour. That made me pause and do the 1 to Africa. Some areas are bush, but the people who live there know there are other options and many take the road more traveled. It's no different from how Amish want to live off grid or other Americans who want to live in the projects.... its a want. There are jungles and savagery right here in this country.

And then I came across the first sentence of 7:14 and realized... They got me. I fell for the okey doke for years, months and days. And I am not an uneducated or unsophisticated person. The devil does his work well. I, and probably you too, have lived in the US and been indoctrinated to accept lies. We are not the 'sole controller' if we function in a trap of lies that someone has set for us. I was watching some election commercials and I just want to scream at how campaigns put outright lies out there for the masses. And folks BELIEVE them. But who's responsibility is it to make us informed? Is it the people who want a job from us or are we supposed to do the background check on our own? If you buy a bag a shit from the elected officials, what do you think they will give you back? Doing the 1 for self is so important.

But doing the 1 isn't the only thing we need to do. We need to consistently take stock and self evaluate to find the places... the nooks and crannies... were foolishness and misinformation dwells. We need to find these spots and shine the light of Knowledge and Truth on them. And this is who we become our best selves. This is how we elevate. This is how we get out of the plots that have been dug for us. And it is our own responsibility to do this... no one else.


Thursday, November 6, 2014

Today's Supreme Mathematics: Equality


Equality Doesn't mean that everybody gets the same stuff.

Equality means that everyone has the same access and the same opportunity to craft the existence they want.


Thursday, October 30, 2014



Here is the thing.... why would I want to be thin? You like how I'm getting right into it today dontcha?

I am not a thin person. It is what it is. But my problem is that I don't aspire to be a thin person; and because of that I'm being judged. I don't think my life would be better if I lost 20 lbs. I”m not a person with self esteem issues. You can't hurt my feelings by calling me fat. My self worth is not attached to my appearance. I like anybody like to look good, but I don't feel like I need to alter my appearance.

So... I've been asking people who aspire to be thin, why they want it it like that....

1. “To be healthy” I'm healthy now. I have eczema and fibroids but those have nothing to do with my weight. I've had eczema since I was a baby and my fibroids are hereditary (thanks Mommie), so.....? I'm in my 40's and I don't have hypertension, diabetes, or any of the chronic diseases my thin friends have; nor do I take medications. And my family history says that all the illnesses should have kicked in by now. Also, by saying thinness is healthier, is saying that thin people don't get sick... they do. And making the assumption that I am going to have all kinds of problems because of statistics just shows and proves that you have drank the KoolAid and fallen victim to the okey doke. You are sheeple.

2. “To have nice clothes” Well... I make my own clothes. I would if I was thin too. Because of my skin issues. I need to control the fabric and you can only do that if you create clothes from the fabric. So....

3. “So men will notice me” I have a man. I have always had men. My own men. And men still notice me. So again......

4. “To not be picked on” Unless you are a child, this is the dumbest reason as yet I've heard. Adults should not fall victim to bullying or peer pressure. That is some high school bull. Be grown. Either walk away, or kick the bitch's ass. If people feel comfortable in picking on you because your big, then they will pick on you for other reasons.

5. “To be more attractive” I'm already attractive. I always feel like I look good. Blame my father for that. He told me that we – our last name – look better on off days then most people look on their best. He used our last name as an adjective for good stuff. Daddy ain't never lie. He said I look good then so be it! That was all tongue and cheek, but the truth is, I do look look good at this weight. I'd look good 20, 30, 100 pounds lighter. I'd look good 20, 30, 100 pounds heavier. and that is also saying that ALL skinny people are attractive... They aren't

I was at a parliament and a – female -- stepped in the Cipher and called me short and fat. I laughed. What was her purpose for doing that? She was trying to offend me because she said I offended her. She thought I would be hurt. I wasn't. So I'm short and fat? And? Next? My coworker has said to me on numerous occasions over the passed 10 years that I should be ashamed of myself for being fat? She said this in front of people at an office meeting. I asked her why? She said she didn't think that I knew I was fat. Ok.... And I asked her why does that bother her? She had no answer. People are uncomfortable with confidence and comfort in your own self especially when they aren't comfortable with themselves. Hurt people, hurt people. I get it.

I guess the bottom line is I don't aspire to lose weight. If I should lose weight for whatever reason it isn't because I was trying. What I'm trying to do is enjoy life. And unhappy ignorant sheeple are striving to keep me from being happy.

Eyes on your own paper


Monday, October 20, 2014



Yesterday, I found that my ex died. And not recently. Like 7 years ago. This is significant to me. It means I'm free.

This is the only ex that was physically and mentally abusive to me. I was 17 when I was with him and didn't have life experience. He was my “chicken pox” relationship. He immunized me against abusive relationships. Every single man I have ever dated has been viewed through the lens of this joker. Any one that exhibited the slightest similarity was instantly discarded. This ex terrorized me since I was 17. I never speak his name because I'm afraid he'll show up. He always has....

I don't think I'm happy that he's dead. What I am sure of is I feel is relief. I didn't realize how much I used to look over my shoulder. How I How much I was currently looking over my shoulder always scanning the environment just in case he was around. And I live 1000 miles away from where he lived. That never stopped him.

This man....
Blackened my eyes...*
I'm Free!

Shot at me...*
I'm Free!

Threw upper body through a glass window and then blamed me for the damage...
I'm Free!

Slapped the literal taste out of my mouth...*
I'm Free!

Threatened to kill my family....*
I'm Free!

He and his brother forcibly held me down while he.....*
I'm Free!

Photographed me....*
I'm Free!

Beat me savagely in front of his family at a family dinner and not one of these people raise their hands or voice to stop him. My own cousin sat at this table (married to his sister)....*
I'm Free!

Damaged my father's car, then bragged when my father had an accident...*
I'm Free!

Separated me from my friends and family. He threatened my closest friend at the time with a baseball bat...”
I'm Free!

Kidnapped me and my at the time boyfriend at gunpoint and held us hostage for 2 days....
I'm Free!

Grabbed me by the neck while I was entering my apartment building and tried to drag me to his car...
I'm Free!

Threatened me and my husband, that he would kill us if I married him. And... stood on the outside of the church, across the street on my wedding day with a rifle. I saw him when I went in and I saw him when we came out...
I'm Free!

Showed up in GA after I moved here and let me know that I would never be free of him. That he could get to me if he wanted.
I'm Free!

Placed enmity between me and my family that I don't think will ever go away...
I'm Free!

The best part to be taken from that”relationship” is that he taught me to drive a car and that of the 8 children that he left behind... he didn't leave one with, though he tried. He kept/keeps me from having that type of relationship ever again. I'd rather be alone than be in an abusive relationship like that again.

I'm not joyful. I'm not throwing a party in celebration or anything. I suppose his parents, children, siblings, and wives feel some kind of way. But for me... I am FREE... I got into my car this morning without doing a perimeter search. I have no idea the changes that will happen in my life. But seriously after 27 years.... I can finally say.... I'm Free!


Thursday, October 16, 2014



This ebola thing is scary is it not? I mean you get this disease and you die in 3 weeks. For those of us without the virus, that's cool. If you suspect that someone has ebola, you just avoid them for 3 weeks and if they are still alive then you can relax. But IMO there isn't enough useful information out there regarding this disease. We are being told to just trust the CDC and hospitals. And y'all... I work at Emory!!!! I do not trust the government to be concerned about my health so I have begun to get proactive about avoiding this disease.

I don't mention this often... but I am a doctor/dentist. Seriously, I went to school for it, graduated, completed a residency and everything. I have also worked in several microbiology labs throughout my career and my undergraduate degree is in Zoology with minors in chemistry and math. You may choose not to believe what I say... and you don't have to... but it will be for some other reason than I'm not qualified to tell you.

Ebola is a virus. Do you know what a virus is? It is a single strand of DNA that is capable of existing on it's own. All viruses are RNA. DNA during it's replication phase pulls apart... imagine a zipper splitting down the middle.... But DNA for regular cells never pulls apart without instantly attracting it's complementary nucleic acid. By the time it's completely unzipped, you have 2 molecules. That's mitosis and mieosis. No charge for the biology lesson. RNA is just one side of a zipper that can live and function like that. Because it is so similar to DNA, the body doesn't just instantly reject it. I don't know of an issue where any RNA has been helpful to humans. It's a parasite. Also... viral infections cannot be healed. Every single virus that has ever gotten in your body, is still there somewhere chilling in the cut. And if you become immuno-compromised.... it can come back out and reek havoc. Google chicken pox – shingles relationship.

So there is a lot of ebola information out there. You don't need to to tell you what you already know. But let me tell you some things that I had to search for....

The first surprising thing I found out about ebola is that it has been a thing since 1976. You can't blame Obama for that. This should really have a cure by now. It's almost 40 years old. Which leads me to believe it does.

Ebola, once in the body, attack monocytes and microphages. PUMPERNICKEL!!! Our bodies are amazing and have amazing reactions. When a foreign body enters the bloodstream... because among other things, blood snitches... there are cells that sound the alarm. T helper cells do this. They tell the body that right here, right now, there is some BS that needs to be taken care of. (BTW HIV appropriates the T helper cells, so that alarm never gets heard) Ebola doesn't affect the T helper cells... it affects the next level of defense... the phages.

We have cells in our bodies that eat foreign matter; anything the body doesn't recognize. When you have an infection, these phages eat the foreign bodies up like it's gubment cheese. And then the phages die together and that's how pus is formed. These are the targets of ebola virus. Ebola enters the cell not from getting eaten, but from a receptor... Getting in through a receptor is like gaining entry to someone's house with a key. The cell won't consider the virus a threat and allow it to have access to all parts of it. Ebola will then shut down the original function of the cell and change it to the creation of more ebola viruses. The cell will make more and more ebola virus strands until the cell is full and it bursts at the seams. As long as the ebola was in the cell it was safe from the body's immune system. Once out the immune response starts over again.

Think about this... the presence of ebola activates T helper cells in turn causes an acute immune response that brings the phages. The phages are the ebola target. The ebola essentially calls for it's own food. Damn.

Now you know the what's and hows... the symptoms are out there... Fever, sores, pain, vomiting, rash diarrhea and bleeding from the inside out. What do we do?????

Despite what the govt says... there is no cure. Viruses cannot be cured; they have to be survived. What we can do is more preventative. (1) Don't get it. Mind your business by staying away from folks. If you know someone has been traveling stay away from them for 3 weeks. If they don't get sick, your good. The research says that ebola has come from bats... I'm at a loss at how bats can pass a disease to a human via fluids but I suppose it's possible... Keep your spaces clean. Ebola allegedly can live for a while on surfaces Bleach works. Hand sanitizer. Lysol. No public toilets. And stop being social. Don't invite folks all up and through your spaces. No parties, no free rides for folk, no mass transit. Wear maskes at movies. No sharing. No puffing/sipping and passing. Keep it to your self. Lay low until this foolishness passes. (2) Pay attention to your body. Stay healthy as possible. Now is the time to start thinking about adopting a healthy lifestyle. When the body is healthy, it is better suited to survive illness. If you feel like you could have gotten infected, by all means go to the doctor and prepare to be interned. And (3) treat your symptoms. But this is a tricky thing. Fever, vomiting and diarrhea are tricky. It is the body's response to pathogens. This needs to happen. But it needs to be managed and not allowed to be overdone. That's the tricky. It's important to stay hydrated... with water.... and feed yourself the best way you know how. Now is the time to think about smoothies and non-dairy protein drinks. Dairy causes mucus and skin issues. That makes things worse. Muscles pains... NSAIDS. Fever.... tylenol. Diarrhea..... carbs and imodium. The liver and kidneys needs to be supported though. Liver can regenerate... kidneys... not so much. If they get too damaged, you might need dialysis. If you want to treat without meds, otc or otherwise.... I wouldn't suggest that. This ain't the time for that.

That's all I got right now.

Y'all be safe. And be mindful that it's your responsibility to manage your own selves.

Be Safe....


Monday, October 6, 2014



Do you know I have never smoked weed in my life??? Never. No contacts… nothing. I’m far from a goody-two-shoes. It’s just something that didn’t happen for me. I see it as a bondage that I have yet to be freed from.

When I was in high school… they years everyone got to smoke weed…. I didn’t. My mother is crazy. Not the light-mild crazy that is expected from all mothers. My mother is/was certifiable. And she was always striving… for reasons unbeknownst to me… and still unbeknownst… to get me institutionalized. Seriously. She has been trying for as long as I remember to get me sent to the shelter. She started when I was 4 and this lasted until I was in my senior year of high school. A way she could relinquish her parental rights, without looking like a monster, was for me test positive for THC cannabis. See? I know the lingo. So I never smoked weed when I was underage. My mother had me tested.

In college…. By the time I got acclimated to the point where I could smoke… I got a job. And with said job came pre and intra employment substance testing. I didn’t want to lose my job so… I didn’t partake.

In graduate school…. This was funny…. They had “random” drug tests of its students. I used quotation marks because I got tested 16 times. That’s once per quarter… As did the other Black students. Some white students never got tested… ever. Or maybe they got tested once or twice in the 4 years. The Black people in my program… and I’m talking about all levels 1st – 4th year used to get rounded up so much, that we’d go out afterward for drinks; trying to be ironic. The testers knew our names.

Most of the jobs I’ve ever had require a drug test. Because I WORK FOR OTHER PEOPLE!!! If I was a self employed entrepreneur, I could do what I want. I’m not saying that there is dignity and glory in being a pot head. As weight conscious as I am, I probably would resent the munchies. But I am mad that other people have kept me from experiencing something that I consider benign and that I’m told is quite pleasurable.

Think about who is making your decisions for you…..


Monday, September 22, 2014

Path of Least Resistence


This is something that has been rolling around in my mind for sometime. I have been having difficulty expressing it via blog. People read my blog then approach me in a cold current because they think I was talking about them. Hit dogs will holler. But do you know what??? I don’t care. My give-a-fuck-cipher is really small now. And I’m good with that.

Why are people so lazy that they take the path of least resistance?

There is a meme floating about, with a picture of a thick body builder. And the question was posed, “what would you do if this man slapped your mother?” And the answer was, “I’d slap her too. How dare she offend this man?” now I get that that was a joke. I even sniggled, but it is an example of what I’m talking about. Instead of doing the right thing, people do the easy thing. Easy is not synonymous with right.

Let me give you some examples….

This has happened more than I care to say. Yet another reason why I rarely go out. I’m at an event/party with my boyfriend but I’m not necessarily sitting with my boyfriend. Hell, it’s a party and I’m laughing with my girls and the BF is hanging with his boys. Invariably a man… just like Maxine on Living Single, he will have on some gingham or pleather with a jheri curl, a big belt buckle and a gold tooth…. will try to make a power move. When I tell dude that I have a BF he doesn’t believe me. “If you have a man, where is he at?” He gets handsy and I get gone and run to my BF and tell him that another man is bothering me. And do you know what most of my boyfriends will say/do? “What did you do to him?” WTF!!!! I’m not saying that I want BF to go over and kick old dude’s ass, but I will like my feelings acknowledged. And for the record, I don’t date small men. They are always big and/or tall. So these dudes are just being lazy by not protecting me.

The reason my most frequent past fiancĂ© (yes I have been engaged a lot. And this dude, I was engaged to 3 separate times with other fiancĂ©s/husbands in between) went from friend-zoned to eff-able was because I was at a party and a freak show was advancing on me, and he actually protected me… THE ENTIRE NIGHT. Normally I’d have to leave after an altercation, but not then. Clearly this dude and I had our issues, but my feeling safe in his presence wasn’t one of them.

When I moved to Atlanta, one of the biggest factors influencing our decision to come here was whether or not I could practice here. I had just completed my training and got licensed in NJ. I didn’t want to have to do that all over again in GA. I called the GA Board of Dentistry and asked them if my license would transfer seamlessly to GA. Chick told me, and I quote, “If you have a license in NJ, I see no problem with you getting a license in GA.” I asked will it transfer seamlessly, she said, “Absolutely.” Once I got here and applied for the license, I was told that I would have to do everything I had just done all over again. I had the name, the date, the time of the person I had spoken with. And she said that she didn’t misspeak. She said the process was the same here as in NJ (It’s not) and that if I did it there, I could do it here. Why didn’t she just say when I called her, “No”? Because she didn’t want to be the bad guy.

When I used to go to church, I would be dry-molested by various old men in the church who thought it was funny and that I might take it as a compliment. No. I got to the point that I wouldn’t allow anyone to touch me. A man at one church ran me down so that he could get a full frontal hug. His wife saw the encounter and complained to the pastor that I was making a pass at her man. REALLY???? Dead Ray Charles could have seen that for what it was. But it was easier for her to blame me than have a conversation with her husband. At another church, I pulled a knife… in service… on a man who made an offensive comment about my breasts. His wife didn’t speak to me for a month. What did I do wrong?

My boss wants certain things from me that aren’t necessarily in my job description. Nothing lecherous… Like he wants me to have long hair all the time. It doesn’t have to be permed/weaved but he prefers my hair long. IDKY. Especially when all t he other females in the office have really short cuts. He wants me in heels. IDK why because I sit down all the time. And most importantly he wants me in makeup. Again, IDKY. There are other women who work here who he does not have this expectation. He has gone as far as to not give me a raise because of this; yet he has never mentioned this to me directly. He even sort of stopped speaking to me socially because of this. I over heard him speaking to a vendor about what he wanted from me. So… I wear my locs out as much as is possible and maintain my 3/4ths and put on more makeup than I previously did. And we are back to being friends again. Why didn’t he just say something? I stopped wearing makeup because it started to break me out. I stopped wearing heels because I broke my foot 3x and heels frighten me a little now. I guess he never considered any of that. I mentioned all of this to him and you should have seen the look of concern… he is an actor though… wash over his face. SMH… But I guess he took the easy road, huh?

Just this weekend, I planned to go to a Drive in with some friends. A friend mentioned that she wanted to see the movie that I was planning to see. She has a clean car unlike myself and my other friend. I asked her if she wanted to go and she said yes. I tell her that we will be to her house at 7:45pm. She says cool. I text her when we are on our way. Again, she says cool. I get there and she tells me that she changed her mind. She wants to just talk in her driveway. Damn the fact that there were 2 people looking at her who wanted to see the movie. Why couldn’t she just tell me at any given juncture that she didn’t want to go? By having us go out of our way to go to her house wasted time and gas! But I guess the right thing was too hard.

This passed Friday, I had an appointment to meet a sales rep from a hotel and sign a contract and hand over some money. I called and confirmed the appointment on Thursday. When I got there on Friday, she was in a meeting of undetermined length. I was told I could wait, but there was no idea how long the meeting would take. Now… this trick, had my phone number and she knew I was coming. What was wrong with calling me 1st and saying, “I’m sorry but we need to reschedule our appointment. I’ve had something to come up”? I suppose it was too hard.

I am a big proponent of minding my own business. But if I see someone that can use my help and I won’t die in the process… because being dead is something I don’t think I want to do…. I will aid folks. I have seen children walking in the pouring rain with no umbrella, and have offered them rides. Some take it, some don’t. But I have given away umbrellas… good umbrellas… to the ones who choose not to get in the car with strangers. A crazy old lady decided to beat the isht out of a teenager at the bus stop. I initially thought that she was the child’s grandmother, but upon hearing that the crazy old lady was just pissed that the child bumped her, I got between the lady and the child and offered the child my protection as an adult.

I have given people rides when I wanted to lie and say I had something else to do. I have told the truth when I would have been easier to lie. I don’t cut corners or say things for the sake of getting along. If folks are laboring to get into my business, I will either tell them to mind their own business or just refuse to answer their questions. And that doesn’t make me a nice and fluffy Serenity, but I don’t care. I am honest.

So at the end of the day, I have the expectation that this will continue to happen, because folks are lazy. And they don't seem to care that not being authentic aids in them being easily led in the wrong direction. But be mindful, if we have personal dealings you will seee that I won’t go quietly into the night. You WILL have an uncomfortable, public and very vocal interaction with me. I guess in my case, it will be easier to do the right thing than just being lazy.


Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Rice Balls


Let’s talk about this ray Rice thing, shall we?

I don’t need to tell you all the ins and outs of this ridiculous situation. It’s domestic violence. And it’s always wrong whether a man is the abuser or a woman. The bottom line is somebody should have been taught, when you’re grown and in a relationship, it is not okay to put your hands aggressively on people without permission. And that is the end of it. No mitigating circumstances. But here is the problem…. Mrs. Rice gave him permission to beat the brakes off of her.

A woman is only a victim the 1st time she gets beat. And I’m using woman as the example but it could switch depending on the relationship. If she didn’t know her man was an abuser and he whips her ass for burning his grits… Right there and then she is a victim. She didn’t know. If she stays with the fool, she becomes a co-conspirator. And then, I don’t care what happens to her.

There are Lifetime movies and after school specials about this. There is no one in America who doesn’t know what domestic violence looks like or what to do when it happens. I get that the police can be callous, but this is what they do every day so it’s regular to them. Also, many women who report abuse just do so in the moment and then drop the charges. That is a lot of paperwork for nothing.

“Serenity! You are so uncaring and mean!”

No, I’m not. I get it more than you realize. I’ve been there. I was in an abusive relationship. I was young too… 17. I didn’t know any better. My parents had a quasi abusive relationship and I thought that was normal. This boy used to slap me around on the regular. I know what it feels like to have the taste slapped out of your mouth. And it’s just like it sounds. I swear I could see taste leaving my lips. And when I threatened to leave, he would either apologize and buy me something or beat me some more. When I would come home with black eyes, if anybody said anything, it would be “What did you do?” It took putting 900+ miles between us and some serious soul searching about what I wanted to happen in my life. It was as simple as I don’t like ass whippings. As long as I was with craze-moe, ass whipping were going to happen. And a really kind new boyfriend who was just what I needed in that moment to let me know that I had options. I could get another man, who was nicer, better looking, with more money, etc. I did not have to put up with that bullshit. Then we had just one more parting fight. That last ass whipping was vicious, and he cried through. He must have known it was a wrap. He beat my ass so bad, I spent xmas break recuperating. The doctor said I shouldn’t go back to school all injured like that. I had my teeth. Everything else would heal.

So for Janea to marry this fool after being knocked out??? She either got brain damage from fist or wall, or she likes getting her ass beat or she signed up for a war that will allow her to get PAID upon divorce. In any scenario I don’t care what happens to the woman. I’m posting this for other women (or men) in this situation…

If your s/o whips your ass because he didn’t like what you said, he will whip your ass because he doesn’t like what your wearing, or how you smell, or because you burnt the eggs, or because you took too long to come back from the store, or if you speak to someone else, or because he doesn’t like to hear you laugh, or because he had a bad day at work or because the sky is blue or because water is wet, etc. It doesn’t matter. Once his fists find comfort on your person it always will be like that. Even if you break up for 5 years. He will see you driving in his town, think you’re looking for him, follow you home, grab you from behind when you stick your key in your lock and try to force you in his car to go only mystery god knows where. Oh wait… that’s my story again.

Don’t be a punk bitch.


Wednesday, August 20, 2014

What year is this?


I said I wasn’t going to give this attention in this venue… But that was a stupid claim. I suppose I feel like, what can one person do? And I don’t even have that many followers so how many people would actually see this? But it doesn’t matter.

This white on Black brutality at the hands of the police is some bullshit!

This situation has also given me moments of contemplation.

My parents come from that marching, boycotting generation. They were very proud that they had eradicated racism and now we were all completely equal. Funny… they are strangely quiet now that racism has re-reared its ugly head. If it was cured, then the issues of our children getting killed by white people shouldn’t exist, right? The “stand your ground laws” would never have been passed, correct?

My Cee on this violence is what public lynchings were in it’s time. A way for white people to scare Black people into submission. Simple as that.

Planning to boycott white businesses is stupid for a few reasons…
• First reason is we would never be able to boycott long enough for it to have an effect. One day? Really??? Are you stupid? People don’t buy things on Christmas and businesses don’t fold. When the business heads hear about it, they know people will either spend their money the day before or the day after.
• Black people don’t own credit card companies, banks, gas stations, grocery stores, buses, etc. One of the unintended effects of the civil rights era is that Black people were free to work in white business and patronize white establishments. For many… white is better. So Black businesses were effectively smothered. We don’t have enough for us to keep our money in our own communities.
• Fraternizing with white folks has allowed us to take on their values. They don’t care about folks outside of themselves. And now we don’t either. We are all about “Me 1st.”
• Yet another reason why boycotts won’t work is because white folks are ready for them. We boycotted and marched in the 60’s. white folks wasn’t ready for that so it was an effective exercise. They are ready now. I won’t work in 2014. EXAMPLE: Look at ford Motor company… Henry Ford was a raging anti-semite. He even commandeered a newspaper spouting his views. Jews for GENERATIONS refused to buy Fords. If boycotts worked, Ford would have ceased to exist somewhere around the 1950’s. When was the last time you saw a Ford? Right!

They got us in a literal choke hold people.

Leaders don’t work. white folks are looking for one too…. Obama can’t be a “Black Leader.” He is still working hard to be the super non-confrontational and benign yet effective so that another, but long into the future Black POTUS can happen again. Sharpton is a snitch. Jesse is messy. John Lewis is a joke. Nelly… well that wasn’t ever gonna happen. There are no leaders coming to save us folks. And we don’t need one. Causes need leaders. People/races don’t. That would make it a kingdom… Blacktopia… and not a movement. Each individual Black person is capable of making decisions for themselves.

Prayer doesn't work, I'm sorry to tell you. If prayer worked, I'd have a great job, I'd have hit the lottery for a jillion dollars and all my dead people would still be alive. And this wouldn't a problem because white folks wouldn't exist. So....

I’m not judging the actions of ANYBODY in Ferguson… except the police. They can’t be this stupid. The people are mad that the police killed an innocent child. The boy was 18. Have you met an 18 year old that was a responsible adult-acting adult? I’ll wait. Does anybody even know how long he’d been 18? C’mon son….. The police are the reason why folks are mad. If the police left… the violence would stop. The cops with their mere presence incited these riots. I suspect they want to try out there new riot gear and what better way? I ain’t mad at riots either. Folks may not think violence is the solution. But violence ALWAYS sparks a reaction.

Now I wouldn’t Build without my own plan. I have one. But I’m not sharing it. Part of the reason why the efforts in Ferguson aren’t successful is because it leaks out and white people have time to counteract the plan before it even has a chance to work. Negroes tell the white man their secrets to stay on their good sides. It is in their best interests for the races to be at odds with each other. There is more of them than us... no matter what you’ve heard. They have all the tools needed for living and we have nothing…. Absolutely NOTHING. Right now… evaluate your food clothing and shelter and tell me where you get them from? They hold us hostage with their jobs, assistance, mortgages, credit scores, banks, stores, etc…. We done got Stockholm syndrome. It hurts me to admit, American Black people cannot live without the white man’s interventions. They designed it like that to trap us. And we are all caught. We worship money with white faces.

But if you take anything from this Build take this…. There are no such things as “Good white people.” There are white people. And none of them would trade places with you or lay their lives down for you. When have they done you a solid? And why do y’all feel compelled to love those who don’t love you back? Wake the fuck up please! They would not inconvenience themselves for you. Keep that in mind… and keep it moving.