Freedom....

Peace.


Yesterday, I found that my ex died. And not recently. Like 7 years ago. This is significant to me. It means I'm free.

This is the only ex that was physically and mentally abusive to me. I was 17 when I was with him and didn't have life experience. He was my “chicken pox” relationship. He immunized me against abusive relationships. Every single man I have ever dated has been viewed through the lens of this joker. Any one that exhibited the slightest similarity was instantly discarded. This ex terrorized me since I was 17. I never speak his name because I'm afraid he'll show up. He always has....

I don't think I'm happy that he's dead. What I am sure of is I feel is relief. I didn't realize how much I used to look over my shoulder. How I How much I was currently looking over my shoulder always scanning the environment just in case he was around. And I live 1000 miles away from where he lived. That never stopped him.

This man....
Blackened my eyes...*
I'm Free!

Shot at me...*
I'm Free!

Threw upper body through a glass window and then blamed me for the damage...
I'm Free!

Slapped the literal taste out of my mouth...*
I'm Free!

Threatened to kill my family....*
I'm Free!

He and his brother forcibly held me down while he.....*
I'm Free!

Photographed me....*
I'm Free!

Beat me savagely in front of his family at a family dinner and not one of these people raise their hands or voice to stop him. My own cousin sat at this table (married to his sister)....*
I'm Free!

Damaged my father's car, then bragged when my father had an accident...*
I'm Free!

Separated me from my friends and family. He threatened my closest friend at the time with a baseball bat...”
I'm Free!

Kidnapped me and my at the time boyfriend at gunpoint and held us hostage for 2 days....
I'm Free!

Grabbed me by the neck while I was entering my apartment building and tried to drag me to his car...
I'm Free!

Threatened me and my husband, that he would kill us if I married him. And... stood on the outside of the church, across the street on my wedding day with a rifle. I saw him when I went in and I saw him when we came out...
I'm Free!

Showed up in GA after I moved here and let me know that I would never be free of him. That he could get to me if he wanted.
I'm Free!

Placed enmity between me and my family that I don't think will ever go away...
I'm Free!

The best part to be taken from that”relationship” is that he taught me to drive a car and that of the 8 children that he left behind... he didn't leave one with, though he tried. He kept/keeps me from having that type of relationship ever again. I'd rather be alone than be in an abusive relationship like that again.

I'm not joyful. I'm not throwing a party in celebration or anything. I suppose his parents, children, siblings, and wives feel some kind of way. But for me... I am FREE... I got into my car this morning without doing a perimeter search. I have no idea the changes that will happen in my life. But seriously after 27 years.... I can finally say.... I'm Free!


Peace