Thursday, May 11, 2017

Gender Roles


It is important for folks when they find they gender role to be true and honest in expression. For it affects your destiny.....

And I’m a preface this by saying I’m a female and I’m going to mark this Build like a female. Everything I’m saying can apply to men or others, but you have to translate it. And that’s your job. Not mine.
Men and women are different. It’s not just our genitals that make us different but just about everything in life.... We each have our own natures and that is right and exact. We don’t need everyone to be doing the same things. Men go out and hunt. They don’t need to be distracted by the pretty flowers. Women can see different spectrum… That’s useful when we are striving to find medicinal plants. We can taste different aspects of food too. Also good for determining if food is spoiled. Our hearing is more precise. So we can hear our babies when they are in distressed and specifically our own babies. Our outlook, our jobs, our familial responsibilities..... Every fucking thing…. All different. Don’t drink the KoolAid when they tell women to think like a man. There is nothing wrong with how we think. And men think disturbing thoughts.

I’m a female. Born that way, identify as a female. Therefore I need to act like a female. I had this realization more than a decade ago. I used to wear pants and sneakers all the time. I’m naturally tomboy hard and that was coming out like gangbusters. Lesbians approached me more than men. So much in fact that was getting offended. I’m not homophobic, but I wanted men to approach me and not women. I was giving off an energy that was contrary to what I wanted. Also, my cycles became irregular. Think about it, if I was trying to be a man, why would I need a cycle?

So, I started wearing only dresses and skirts. Well….. If you are wearing skirts, you need to wear heeled shoes and not sneakers. Now that I have on a dress and shoes, I can’t walk all butch, and I can’t walk anywhere I want. I now have to be ladylike. And the men responded. If a man saw me in a struggle with pants on, they let me struggle. But if a man saw me struggle in a dress, they came to my aid. They opened doors…. Reached items I couldn’t reach… helped me over puddles and gravel…. carried heavy packages for me…. Spoke to me in a more respectful manner. I will not trade that for anything. It’s what’s kept me in skirts/dresses for nearly 15 years. But I had to get myself in a position where I could also RECEIVE male energy. That is something that women do all the time. It not only affects the women receiving the energy, but it repels the men giving it. If a man offers me a seat on the bus/train, I ALWAYS take it. Even if I don’t need or want it. Men need to take care of women and women need to feel cared for. I want that man to always offer a seat to women. Maybe there is a sickly, or elderly, or pregnant woman who needs a seat. I want that man to know she won’t rebuff him.

My point is..... If you are a woman and want to be a woman.... embrace the whole package. There is nothing wrong with it. If you strive to be a man because you perceive you have to, then you will truly become a man. You’ll lose your curves and they will be replaced with muscle. Your voice will deepen. You will develop facial hair. You will attract all the male issues and problems into your life and you have not been taught or socialized how to handle them. In the end you will crack up.
I went to Catholic school. Nuns aren’t feminine… at all. You can actually tell how long a woman has been a nun by how masculine she looks. If she has a high voice and hips, she’s a neophyte. But those long term nuns… deep voices, no curves, goatees and masculine demeanors. They got Jesus. They don’t need another man. Priests in turn, are effeminate. Now this is a tricky issue because a lot of gay men turn to the priest hood. But they have no need to be masculine unless they are striving to move up the priestly ranks. So they lose the base in their voices and other things.

There is nothing wrong with being “high maintenance” or a “gold digger”. Don't let those titles offend you. What man wants a busted looking woman? Women naturally make their surroundings comfortable. We nest. Our nests need to be comfortable for our babies. So High maintenance? Bring that shit right here! And women are not natural providers. Men are. So a man with some means? Bring that man to me! It’s his job to provide for me and our children. I, in turn, will give him a home that he can be comfortable in.

I’m a Black woman. But I’m not a strong Black woman. I work and make money. But I don’t provide for my family. That’s my husband’s job. But my job is to care, and take care of my family intuitively. And I do that. When I was single and had to do the man thing for myself.... I allowed myself female trappings of crying when I had to do man’s work. That was a sacrifice to wash away the male energy. And I went all in on the girly to counteract the masculine. And I was single as long as I chose to be. Don’t be confused... Men want women. Not women that buck, but women who are soft. And I’m not saying doormats. There is a mighty power in femininity. But in this age, we are not taught how to use it. If your expectation is you have to do for self because you don’t want to rely on a man. Then you’re reality is you won’t get one.
You don’t just commit to a destiny with your words. Your actions play a part as well....


Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Manless Women


This is not going to be a well-received post. It really isn’t. But what can I say? I’m a truth speaker. And maybe this might soothe a torn relationship.

My father used to tell me all the time that I needed to hang with women that were in the same “life situation” as me. Meaning, if I had children then I should be friends with other mothers. If was married, my friends should also be married. And so on…. He said that women in particular could be jealous of a situation that they didn’t possess. That statement bothered me immensely because my friends were starting to get married and have children. That meant that I would have to get brand new friends that I had no Koran with, and that unsettled me. But Daddy didn’t give life advice all that often and…. It was usually right on target. Through the years, it turned out to be exactly the truth. It never stopped being unsettling though. Especially since I’m a person that doesn’t make friends easily. But I find that even now… having friends outside my station leads to unnecessary stress.

I’m a married woman. That means I have responsibilities to my husband and household. I can’t just drop everything and hang out with the girls. I need some advanced notice. My husband expects things from me. He wants to spend time with me when he comes home from work. And he wants a home cooked meal. He understands that I need time out to be a girl (I am VERY girly), but I also need time with him and the cat. And that is something single women need to understand.

My husband is not subjugating me with these expectations. I knew this before I married him. And in knowing all that, it’s disrespectful for me to flout those agreed upon expectations. So…. Now…. I have to mitigate my relationship with my manless-women friends. I’m sorry ladies, I need to know well in advance if we are going to hang out during family time. It’s not that I need to get permission to hang with you, but I have to make some adjustments. If we are going out on Wednesday, I have to pre-cook dinner. I’ll have to find some extra time with the God during the previous week. Maybe I let him watch the game in the bedroom rather than banish him to the man cave. And, most importantly, I will tell him in advance that I’m going out. That’s super fair. But for him to just come home and I’m not there, no food is cooked and I don’t get home until he’s asleep is not fair to him. And if he did that to me….. there would be a super problem.

And I don’t need to hear your mouth telling me…. Someone’s wife…. How to control MY husband. Let me let you in on a little secret. Happily married women don’t tell other women how to ‘control’ their men. We may tell each other things that we do to make our spouses happy, but we understand that every man is different. and I get there there are situations where single women aren't necessarily "single" in the mind. I was previously widowed, I still behaved like a married woman for years after the event. Also women who are in polygamous relationships are somewhere in the middle. But both of those situations, the women have men.... It's just part time or something else. But if you have NO man… you really have nothing to share to those of us that do have men. I’m just saying….