Thursday, October 30, 2014



Here is the thing.... why would I want to be thin? You like how I'm getting right into it today dontcha?

I am not a thin person. It is what it is. But my problem is that I don't aspire to be a thin person; and because of that I'm being judged. I don't think my life would be better if I lost 20 lbs. I”m not a person with self esteem issues. You can't hurt my feelings by calling me fat. My self worth is not attached to my appearance. I like anybody like to look good, but I don't feel like I need to alter my appearance.

So... I've been asking people who aspire to be thin, why they want it it like that....

1. “To be healthy” I'm healthy now. I have eczema and fibroids but those have nothing to do with my weight. I've had eczema since I was a baby and my fibroids are hereditary (thanks Mommie), so.....? I'm in my 40's and I don't have hypertension, diabetes, or any of the chronic diseases my thin friends have; nor do I take medications. And my family history says that all the illnesses should have kicked in by now. Also, by saying thinness is healthier, is saying that thin people don't get sick... they do. And making the assumption that I am going to have all kinds of problems because of statistics just shows and proves that you have drank the KoolAid and fallen victim to the okey doke. You are sheeple.

2. “To have nice clothes” Well... I make my own clothes. I would if I was thin too. Because of my skin issues. I need to control the fabric and you can only do that if you create clothes from the fabric. So....

3. “So men will notice me” I have a man. I have always had men. My own men. And men still notice me. So again......

4. “To not be picked on” Unless you are a child, this is the dumbest reason as yet I've heard. Adults should not fall victim to bullying or peer pressure. That is some high school bull. Be grown. Either walk away, or kick the bitch's ass. If people feel comfortable in picking on you because your big, then they will pick on you for other reasons.

5. “To be more attractive” I'm already attractive. I always feel like I look good. Blame my father for that. He told me that we – our last name – look better on off days then most people look on their best. He used our last name as an adjective for good stuff. Daddy ain't never lie. He said I look good then so be it! That was all tongue and cheek, but the truth is, I do look look good at this weight. I'd look good 20, 30, 100 pounds lighter. I'd look good 20, 30, 100 pounds heavier. and that is also saying that ALL skinny people are attractive... They aren't

I was at a parliament and a – female -- stepped in the Cipher and called me short and fat. I laughed. What was her purpose for doing that? She was trying to offend me because she said I offended her. She thought I would be hurt. I wasn't. So I'm short and fat? And? Next? My coworker has said to me on numerous occasions over the passed 10 years that I should be ashamed of myself for being fat? She said this in front of people at an office meeting. I asked her why? She said she didn't think that I knew I was fat. Ok.... And I asked her why does that bother her? She had no answer. People are uncomfortable with confidence and comfort in your own self especially when they aren't comfortable with themselves. Hurt people, hurt people. I get it.

I guess the bottom line is I don't aspire to lose weight. If I should lose weight for whatever reason it isn't because I was trying. What I'm trying to do is enjoy life. And unhappy ignorant sheeple are striving to keep me from being happy.

Eyes on your own paper


Monday, October 20, 2014



Yesterday, I found that my ex died. And not recently. Like 7 years ago. This is significant to me. It means I'm free.

This is the only ex that was physically and mentally abusive to me. I was 17 when I was with him and didn't have life experience. He was my “chicken pox” relationship. He immunized me against abusive relationships. Every single man I have ever dated has been viewed through the lens of this joker. Any one that exhibited the slightest similarity was instantly discarded. This ex terrorized me since I was 17. I never speak his name because I'm afraid he'll show up. He always has....

I don't think I'm happy that he's dead. What I am sure of is I feel is relief. I didn't realize how much I used to look over my shoulder. How I How much I was currently looking over my shoulder always scanning the environment just in case he was around. And I live 1000 miles away from where he lived. That never stopped him.

This man....
Blackened my eyes...*
I'm Free!

Shot at me...*
I'm Free!

Threw upper body through a glass window and then blamed me for the damage...
I'm Free!

Slapped the literal taste out of my mouth...*
I'm Free!

Threatened to kill my family....*
I'm Free!

He and his brother forcibly held me down while he.....*
I'm Free!

Photographed me....*
I'm Free!

Beat me savagely in front of his family at a family dinner and not one of these people raise their hands or voice to stop him. My own cousin sat at this table (married to his sister)....*
I'm Free!

Damaged my father's car, then bragged when my father had an accident...*
I'm Free!

Separated me from my friends and family. He threatened my closest friend at the time with a baseball bat...”
I'm Free!

Kidnapped me and my at the time boyfriend at gunpoint and held us hostage for 2 days....
I'm Free!

Grabbed me by the neck while I was entering my apartment building and tried to drag me to his car...
I'm Free!

Threatened me and my husband, that he would kill us if I married him. And... stood on the outside of the church, across the street on my wedding day with a rifle. I saw him when I went in and I saw him when we came out...
I'm Free!

Showed up in GA after I moved here and let me know that I would never be free of him. That he could get to me if he wanted.
I'm Free!

Placed enmity between me and my family that I don't think will ever go away...
I'm Free!

The best part to be taken from that”relationship” is that he taught me to drive a car and that of the 8 children that he left behind... he didn't leave one with, though he tried. He kept/keeps me from having that type of relationship ever again. I'd rather be alone than be in an abusive relationship like that again.

I'm not joyful. I'm not throwing a party in celebration or anything. I suppose his parents, children, siblings, and wives feel some kind of way. But for me... I am FREE... I got into my car this morning without doing a perimeter search. I have no idea the changes that will happen in my life. But seriously after 27 years.... I can finally say.... I'm Free!


Thursday, October 16, 2014



This ebola thing is scary is it not? I mean you get this disease and you die in 3 weeks. For those of us without the virus, that's cool. If you suspect that someone has ebola, you just avoid them for 3 weeks and if they are still alive then you can relax. But IMO there isn't enough useful information out there regarding this disease. We are being told to just trust the CDC and hospitals. And y'all... I work at Emory!!!! I do not trust the government to be concerned about my health so I have begun to get proactive about avoiding this disease.

I don't mention this often... but I am a doctor/dentist. Seriously, I went to school for it, graduated, completed a residency and everything. I have also worked in several microbiology labs throughout my career and my undergraduate degree is in Zoology with minors in chemistry and math. You may choose not to believe what I say... and you don't have to... but it will be for some other reason than I'm not qualified to tell you.

Ebola is a virus. Do you know what a virus is? It is a single strand of DNA that is capable of existing on it's own. All viruses are RNA. DNA during it's replication phase pulls apart... imagine a zipper splitting down the middle.... But DNA for regular cells never pulls apart without instantly attracting it's complementary nucleic acid. By the time it's completely unzipped, you have 2 molecules. That's mitosis and mieosis. No charge for the biology lesson. RNA is just one side of a zipper that can live and function like that. Because it is so similar to DNA, the body doesn't just instantly reject it. I don't know of an issue where any RNA has been helpful to humans. It's a parasite. Also... viral infections cannot be healed. Every single virus that has ever gotten in your body, is still there somewhere chilling in the cut. And if you become immuno-compromised.... it can come back out and reek havoc. Google chicken pox – shingles relationship.

So there is a lot of ebola information out there. You don't need to to tell you what you already know. But let me tell you some things that I had to search for....

The first surprising thing I found out about ebola is that it has been a thing since 1976. You can't blame Obama for that. This should really have a cure by now. It's almost 40 years old. Which leads me to believe it does.

Ebola, once in the body, attack monocytes and microphages. PUMPERNICKEL!!! Our bodies are amazing and have amazing reactions. When a foreign body enters the bloodstream... because among other things, blood snitches... there are cells that sound the alarm. T helper cells do this. They tell the body that right here, right now, there is some BS that needs to be taken care of. (BTW HIV appropriates the T helper cells, so that alarm never gets heard) Ebola doesn't affect the T helper cells... it affects the next level of defense... the phages.

We have cells in our bodies that eat foreign matter; anything the body doesn't recognize. When you have an infection, these phages eat the foreign bodies up like it's gubment cheese. And then the phages die together and that's how pus is formed. These are the targets of ebola virus. Ebola enters the cell not from getting eaten, but from a receptor... Getting in through a receptor is like gaining entry to someone's house with a key. The cell won't consider the virus a threat and allow it to have access to all parts of it. Ebola will then shut down the original function of the cell and change it to the creation of more ebola viruses. The cell will make more and more ebola virus strands until the cell is full and it bursts at the seams. As long as the ebola was in the cell it was safe from the body's immune system. Once out the immune response starts over again.

Think about this... the presence of ebola activates T helper cells in turn causes an acute immune response that brings the phages. The phages are the ebola target. The ebola essentially calls for it's own food. Damn.

Now you know the what's and hows... the symptoms are out there... Fever, sores, pain, vomiting, rash diarrhea and bleeding from the inside out. What do we do?????

Despite what the govt says... there is no cure. Viruses cannot be cured; they have to be survived. What we can do is more preventative. (1) Don't get it. Mind your business by staying away from folks. If you know someone has been traveling stay away from them for 3 weeks. If they don't get sick, your good. The research says that ebola has come from bats... I'm at a loss at how bats can pass a disease to a human via fluids but I suppose it's possible... Keep your spaces clean. Ebola allegedly can live for a while on surfaces Bleach works. Hand sanitizer. Lysol. No public toilets. And stop being social. Don't invite folks all up and through your spaces. No parties, no free rides for folk, no mass transit. Wear maskes at movies. No sharing. No puffing/sipping and passing. Keep it to your self. Lay low until this foolishness passes. (2) Pay attention to your body. Stay healthy as possible. Now is the time to start thinking about adopting a healthy lifestyle. When the body is healthy, it is better suited to survive illness. If you feel like you could have gotten infected, by all means go to the doctor and prepare to be interned. And (3) treat your symptoms. But this is a tricky thing. Fever, vomiting and diarrhea are tricky. It is the body's response to pathogens. This needs to happen. But it needs to be managed and not allowed to be overdone. That's the tricky. It's important to stay hydrated... with water.... and feed yourself the best way you know how. Now is the time to think about smoothies and non-dairy protein drinks. Dairy causes mucus and skin issues. That makes things worse. Muscles pains... NSAIDS. Fever.... tylenol. Diarrhea..... carbs and imodium. The liver and kidneys needs to be supported though. Liver can regenerate... kidneys... not so much. If they get too damaged, you might need dialysis. If you want to treat without meds, otc or otherwise.... I wouldn't suggest that. This ain't the time for that.

That's all I got right now.

Y'all be safe. And be mindful that it's your responsibility to manage your own selves.

Be Safe....


Monday, October 6, 2014



Do you know I have never smoked weed in my life??? Never. No contacts… nothing. I’m far from a goody-two-shoes. It’s just something that didn’t happen for me. I see it as a bondage that I have yet to be freed from.

When I was in high school… they years everyone got to smoke weed…. I didn’t. My mother is crazy. Not the light-mild crazy that is expected from all mothers. My mother is/was certifiable. And she was always striving… for reasons unbeknownst to me… and still unbeknownst… to get me institutionalized. Seriously. She has been trying for as long as I remember to get me sent to the shelter. She started when I was 4 and this lasted until I was in my senior year of high school. A way she could relinquish her parental rights, without looking like a monster, was for me test positive for THC cannabis. See? I know the lingo. So I never smoked weed when I was underage. My mother had me tested.

In college…. By the time I got acclimated to the point where I could smoke… I got a job. And with said job came pre and intra employment substance testing. I didn’t want to lose my job so… I didn’t partake.

In graduate school…. This was funny…. They had “random” drug tests of its students. I used quotation marks because I got tested 16 times. That’s once per quarter… As did the other Black students. Some white students never got tested… ever. Or maybe they got tested once or twice in the 4 years. The Black people in my program… and I’m talking about all levels 1st – 4th year used to get rounded up so much, that we’d go out afterward for drinks; trying to be ironic. The testers knew our names.

Most of the jobs I’ve ever had require a drug test. Because I WORK FOR OTHER PEOPLE!!! If I was a self employed entrepreneur, I could do what I want. I’m not saying that there is dignity and glory in being a pot head. As weight conscious as I am, I probably would resent the munchies. But I am mad that other people have kept me from experiencing something that I consider benign and that I’m told is quite pleasurable.

Think about who is making your decisions for you…..