This is not going to be a well-received post. It really isn’t. But what can I say? I’m a truth speaker. And maybe this might soothe a torn relationship.
My father used to tell me all the time that I needed to hang with women that were in the same “life situation” as me. Meaning, if I had children then I should be friends with other mothers. If was married, my friends should also be married. And so on…. He said that women in particular could be jealous of a situation that they didn’t possess. That statement bothered me immensely because my friends were starting to get married and have children. That meant that I would have to get brand new friends that I had no Koran with, and that unsettled me. But Daddy didn’t give life advice all that often and…. It was usually right on target. Through the years, it turned out to be exactly the truth. It never stopped being unsettling though. Especially since I’m a person that doesn’t make friends easily. But I find that even now… having friends outside my station leads to unnecessary stress.
I’m a married woman. That means I have responsibilities to my husband and household. I can’t just drop everything and hang out with the girls. I need some advanced notice. My husband expects things from me. He wants to spend time with me when he comes home from work. And he wants a home cooked meal. He understands that I need time out to be a girl (I am VERY girly), but I also need time with him and the cat. And that is something single women need to understand.
My husband is not subjugating me with these expectations. I knew this before I married him. And in knowing all that, it’s disrespectful for me to flout those agreed upon expectations. So…. Now…. I have to mitigate my relationship with my manless-women friends. I’m sorry ladies, I need to know well in advance if we are going to hang out during family time. It’s not that I need to get permission to hang with you, but I have to make some adjustments. If we are going out on Wednesday, I have to pre-cook dinner. I’ll have to find some extra time with the God during the previous week. Maybe I let him watch the game in the bedroom rather than banish him to the man cave. And, most importantly, I will tell him in advance that I’m going out. That’s super fair. But for him to just come home and I’m not there, no food is cooked and I don’t get home until he’s asleep is not fair to him. And if he did that to me….. there would be a super problem.
And I don’t need to hear your mouth telling me…. Someone’s wife…. How to control MY husband. Let me let you in on a little secret. Happily married women don’t tell other women how to ‘control’ their men. We may tell each other things that we do to make our spouses happy, but we understand that every man is different. and I get there there are situations where single women aren't necessarily "single" in the mind. I was previously widowed, I still behaved like a married woman for years after the event. Also women who are in polygamous relationships are somewhere in the middle. But both of those situations, the women have men.... It's just part time or something else. But if you have NO man… you really have nothing to share to those of us that do have men. I’m just saying….
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
Posted by Penelope White at 11:28 AM
Thursday, December 22, 2016
It's the holiday season for most folks. It isn't for me, though. But somehow I think you knew that. Gods and Earths don't celebrate Christmas.... or we shouldn't. I get the xmas has 2 sides: the religious side and the secular side. We aren't religious people but the secular side is no less religious. You just exchange Jesus for Santa Claus. Santa has a back story and there are practices. How is it different from Jesus? That being said.... I stopped celebrating Christmas long before I went under instruction...
My mother and I have issues.... But she always got the gift giving holidays right. Birthdays and xmas were awesome in our house. I was very lucky to have parents who had their finances in order. Except for when I asked for a Walkman... that cost $700 back then.... I always got whatever I asked for. Lucky little girl I was!. Mommie was good about keeping her secrets so you really didn't know what was happening until it did. One xmas, she was in the hospital and still managed to pull off wrapped gifts, breakfast and everything!
B.U.T..... As I got older, xmas fell off. Xmas is really time for children. At least that's how it's always been for me. I was the youngest and once I was too old for the childish celebration, it stopped entirely. My mother would decorate the window instead of putting up a tree. And she would return a gift if you didn't buy her one of equal or greater value. We didn't even share a meal as a family anymore. Christmas is for kids. My 1st xmas of being a wife, my husband and I put up an elaborate tree. I bought a ton of presents to make xmas morning exciting. He bought 1 gift. It wasn't exciting to me. Again, I was slapped in the face with the fact that xmas was for kids. My late husband did buy me a nice and expensive gift but it wasn't his nature to do up the holidays or birthdays like my biological family. We got into the habit of travelling on xmas so there was no need to decorate.
After H1 died... I still remained a dutiful christian for a few more years. I only put a tree up once. I had a xmas party so you need a tree for that and a man I was dating decided to give me a real tree after I told him I never had one before. It was kinda cool... until my cat peed on it. That year I had 2 1/2 trees and only 2 gifts for me under any of them. This is not my idea of xmas so I gave it up. I knew I probably wasn't ever going to have children so I'm not going through the effort.
Now that I'm a righteous, true and living Earth.... I hardly think of xmas. I don't celebrate it. I would love to work through it and get paid time in a half! The God and I literally stay in bed all day and eat Chinese food for dinner. The only gift I buy is for my mother. So she doesn't tell folks her heathen daughter doesn't love her. She sells that shit really well because I don't go to church with her... and I'm not. That's xmas for me. New years looks pretty much the same... I don't stay up anymore. I love being this age. The age of "I really don't give AF!"
I earned my flag on Christmas Day in 2009!
Posted by Penelope White at 12:06 PM
Friday, December 16, 2016
A couple of days ago, I visited an old friend. This woman and I share a profession. She actually practices said profession, where I just hold the degree. Still and all it was a pleasant visit. We had been cool in the past and quickly got caught up. BUT.... there's always a but right? She, in her way, judged me for not pursuing my career.
This judgement is not new to me. My godmother said for all in the cipher to hear that I am a huge disappointment to my mother. I mean she said it as casually as one would remark about the weather. And she wonders why I don't call her. I'm used to hearing this over and over again. But on Tuesday, it kind of pissed me off.
I don't get why folks feel comfortable judging other folks. I'm not going to say I don't judge folks... But I don't really. I mean if I see someone I don't know wearing something shady, I will in a passing, wonder where her friends are. But when it comes to people I know, I trust them to make their own decisions. Because at the end of the day.... Their decisions really don't have any affect on my own life. I can show and prove it.... I have a friend who makes soooooo many poor choices. But that's her life to live. Not mine. I mentally support her through the consequences of her actions; but I have no dog in her race.
So my professional friend in her effervescent pity of my life had to get them words. I asked her how her husband was. She said fine. I let her know my husband was fine too. I asked her how her family was. I let her know my family was fine as well. I asked her when her last vacation was. She said she hasn't had one in years. I let her know where I had recently visited and where I'm going next. I asked her about hobbies that I know she likes. She's too busy to busy to do any of them. We used to belong to the same book club, so I asked her what she was reading. She's too busy to read. See where I'm going with this? But after about 30 minutes, she got the picture I was throwing. In a last ditch effort she strived for shade and asked me about my finances. She knows that I had a period of unemployment. I let her know that at no point in my extended vacation did I miss a meal or want for something I needed. I also reminded her that in our 15 year friendship, never have I asked for a penny or a ride to the airport. I just wanted to laugh with an old friend.
But this is a righteous 5% blog. So I should be able to draw up the situation in degrees right? Well..... I can. I counteracted her judgement by forcing her to acknowledge the Equality of our lives. Yes she is working the career that we went to school for. But is she living better than I? I've been to her mansion. She has to work HARD to pay for that. My home is modest in comparison, but even after being unemployed for 8 months, I was able to meet my financial responsibilities. She couldn't do that if the tables were reversed. But that is the Equality of our lives. She's not living better than me. And she needed to be shown that.
There's a reason I haven't seen her in 6 years.....
Posted by Penelope White at 11:19 AM
Thursday, November 24, 2016
I celebrate Thanksgiving. I fix a big vegetarian meal with far too many starches and a ton of desserts, I assemble some friends (because my family ain't shit when it comes to Thanksgiving) and we EAT! I know a lot of G's And E's stand with the indigenous people of this wilderness and fast. Well...... I don't see it like that.
When I 1st went under instruction, I found it interesting in the Student Enrollment, that when numbering the Original people in the US, they added the Native Americans separate. Hmmmm..... Are they not our brothers and sisters in the struggle? Did not the devil do devilshment to them as well? Should we not be ALL counted as one?
I don't hate Native Americans... perse'. What I have for them is nothing. Feelings of concern have been counteracted by feelings of animosity. him/devil has shit all over Native Americans... giving them diseases, out right exterminating them, stealing their land, putting them on reservations.... that should earn my sympathy. And it would. If the Native Americans hadn't shown and proven themselves to be hypocrites.
Native Americans held African slaves. For reals. They treated their slaves the same way white people treated slaves. When slavery ended in the US... the Native people kept their slaves since they were considered separate country within a country. When the developed their treaty with the US that would absorb them into society proper, yes they freed their Black slaves but refused to let them be included in the concessions the US government was giving Natives. I suppose they didn't want the Black folks to dilute their benefits. As if there wasn't enough to go around. We like education and healthcare. And if we were living on reservations.... Life would be LIT AF!
Fast forward to today... Native Americans refuse to let folks who have the appropriate DNA play in their reindeer games. What the fuck is the government giving them that they need to keep it so close??? I get them not wanting people to appropriate their culture, but when you keep it secret, you don't give folks the opportunity to care about your issues. But you can't hold folks responsible for caring about something they have no Knowledge of. As I look through civil rights footage, I don't necessarily see them. I know they were probably hiding in plain sight, but if you don't formally stand for the cause... and I mean stand with your body, money, time, children etc... just not standing in your living room and on the internet... then you didn't do shit. YET... they want us to care about their plight. If it wasn't for the Dakota pipeline issues, I would be unaware of their presence. Until they start protesting Thanksgiving. And this goes for all they different groups with their protests.... stop stealing Black folks ideas. Set your own precedence. We would like to be able to bite every now and then, rather than having to come up with fresh ideas all the time.
So yes, native people are Original people. Just because they're brown, don't make them kin...
Enjoy your Holiday.
Posted by Penelope White at 9:41 AM
Thursday, November 17, 2016
I know its been awhile since I built. Y'all know that I HATE typing from home. There is just no comfy place to sit down and really get my thoughts out. I think it's because I see building as a scholarly pursuit and scholarly pursuits should happen at a desk... outside the home. That's just me. Home is for me to take off my headwrap and chill.....
But I got a gig! A Justice Cipher Born! It's part time, but it's laid back. and I can pay my share of household bills with the money I earn. It will be tight, but I think I can manage. If I can't.... that's what the God is for! My boss is an original Black man from Africa. I mean directly from Africa. Ethiopia actually. I've never worked for a Black man before. I've worked for a Black woman... not pleasant... But never a Black man. That sounds crazy when I say it, when I type it... But it's true. The closest I've ever worked for a Black man, that wasn't my father, was in college and grad school. And that didn't really count. Those jobs were just a work study exploit.
So far, so good... When I interviewed, I wore my headwrap, as I did to all my interviews. He didn't bat an eye. At other interviews, they would openly stare at my head. I kind of expected that, but what can I do? I'm a headwrap wearing Earth! There was a discussion about how I don't wear pants and my coworkers were shocked. But the boss said that was an honorable decision that I, and American woman, has made.
Even though my new boss is a Christian, I will still work for him as I've worked for no other. I want to see this man succeed. Because he employs only Original people and the patients are Black. I don't know if that's by design... I've been here long enough to get a paycheck that cleared. He comes across as a caring person and he's not made a power move on me. I don't think I'm Halle Berry, but that is a recurrent problem I have and I don't know why.
So keeping with Today's Supreme Math of Knowledge God abbt Build/Destroy.... I see my boss as having God potential with low God probability. He is not ever gonna go under NGE instruction, but remains eligible. And where as I have little Knowledge about the expectations of working with a Black man I will give him my best to Build this practice.
And since I'm employed again y'all.... I'll be posting more!!!
Posted by Penelope White at 10:21 AM
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Posted by Penelope White at 11:45 AM
Friday, July 29, 2016
Posted by Penelope White at 5:42 PM