Monday, July 26, 2010

Yesterday's Mathematics

I would have posted this yesterday... And I menat to. The problem was I didn't have it written yesterday. Oh it was floating all throughout my mental mind yesterday. It didn't float out on my fingers until this morning. Y'all will forgive me of my transgressions, right?

Yesterday's Supreme Mathematics was Wisdom Power all being born to God. Wisdom is the Black woman, Power is the ability to do something and God is the Supreme being who is Allah. I draw up this combination of coordinates to mean... I can do all things through God, which strengthens me.

I am a woman. I can show and prove that, but I won't. (You are going to take that on face value!) I have my own Power. Me writing this is a demonstration of a degree of Power. And I have God in my life. I find that even though I have my own personal Power, and I am capable of wielding said Power. The Power is more focused with a man's influence. It's not unlike how men will go into a mall, full of wonderous and beautiful stores, clutching a circular for socks from Penny's and exit the mall with only socks and not having visited any other store. Shocking I know. Let me explain my Understanding before you think me a doormat....

I grew up as the youngest person in a home that consisted of my mother, brother and two uncles. The uncles came and went. My father was ALWAYS around even though he and my moms ain't feel each other like that. He had keys tot he house and ate dinner with us at least 4 times a week. He chaperoned every class trip for me, he was the one who was going to pick me up from school if I got into a fight or got sick. His office was less than 5 minutes from our home. It was not unusual to come home and find him asleep on the sofa. He was the Black man for me and my brother. He told me once I got grown, that one of his paramours that he was ardently devoted to moved to Detroit and insisted that he follw her. He said he would have, but the fact that he had children in NJ made him stay put. Daddy....

One thing about my father that is different from my mother and most women that I have ever interacted with, and something that I find peculiar to men in general is he was focused. And that focus focused me. I accomplished many of my life's goal by the age of 25. Really. Some pretty big ones. Now I'm not saying that I couldn't have done that on my own, but I wouldn't have been as focused without the men in my life. Daddy accepted no slack or bullshit in his presence. He was playful, but didn't play. When you go around him, you better look good, smell good, and speak well; otherwise you were going to clowned and sent home. If you tried to run game on him or BS him, he would squash it. Quickly. I learned to give him only the facts about a given situation. And wait for him to ask about my feelings. He would...eventually. If he was cool with it, then he would nod his head and say nothing. If your idea was flawed or could be improved, he told you. You always knew where you stood with him. He did that for me until he died. Always the straight shooter.

My brother was serious, but differently than my father. He focused me by making me tough. He would fight me. But he wouldn't let others fight me. And my brother is BIG. That ain't no easy win. No being cute to get out of that. maybe crying would help, but only temporarily. If he knew I was faking, the ass whipping got uglier. He taught me to fight and not show fear.

My uncles focused me in the art of being indulged by men. Oh.... they were easy. Very easy. Now don't get it twisted they didn't molest me. They taught me how to appropriately receive gifts from men. They showed me how I should be treated by men and how to spot bullshit and not to fall victim to it. Players that they were....

My 1st husband was younger and less experienced than my relatives. But he had a way of making me feel protected and provided for. We had goals for our life together. Goals that I would never have set without him.

One of the biggest examples of unfocused-woman-icity is my mother. SMH. If you know me in the physical or read this blog regularly, you know me and that my mother have issues. She is still Mommie, though. Sigh...... That's another build. But I have always said, "I like my mother better when she has a man." Always. And it's not because when she has a man it means she's getting treats. That's nasty and I don't think of my mother like that! She is focused. Less crazy. She is currently 72 years old and has a man who is 78. I'm thinking they not doing "The Sex" (that's what she calls it) because he has a bad ticker and cannot safely take viagra. She has said as much. But she is happy. I watched them interact with this little old man. She started cutting his wisdom and he shut her down. WOOOOOW!!!!!! My mother ain't no punk bitch. Folks don't get to talk to her like that. This man clearly had the big drawers on.

My 1st husband passed away in 2003. My father promptly picked up his reigns and re-took over his position of main focuser for me. He performed his job admirably until his death in 2008. My brother lives in Pennsylvania and my uncles are long dead. I was all by myself weilding my own power. Now I should have been cool, because I have a legacy of lifelong advice from good men to guide me, right? Sort of. I made decent decisions, but they were uncfocused... again. I screwed up my career a little, and I have fallen victim to some credit issues, but nothing life altering.

When I began adding on with the God, I was certain that I already had gotten as good as I was gonna get. But I remember the focusing ability that men posses. It's like salve on a wound.... Noxema on a burn..... Preparation H on a hemorhoid. It's that thing that makes an irritation palatable. On Friday I got some bad and expensive news. I did what I does. I flipped out and got in a bad headspace. But the God correctly pointed out that this was not a punishment, and that this is how grown folks responsibly handle their business. Guess what? I'm focussed again.

I didn't mean this post to be this long. Really I didn't. And this isn't a cheer for all the men in my life past and present. Or me griping that I am a helpless, woe-is-me female. Nor is it a slam on independent females doing their thing as they see fit. It's me explaining why it's good to have a man around the house.


Monday, July 19, 2010

Level Disrespect!

I'm pissed y'all. Really pissed. Pissed in a way that's not good for the 85 or 10%. I feel like chopping some heads. Let me tell you what had happened....

Couple of months ago I was facebooking and I came across an old friend from NJ whom she and I had drifted apart. She was my 1st best friend. We did most things together. She lived one house away from me. I don't have to go into the stuff that you do with your friends when you are a kid growing up. Do I?

Well over the months she and I have rekindled our friendship. Cool. She was my best friend back in the day, but I was cool with her whole big family. My brother and her brothers are still mad cool.

Anywho... She, her sister (1 year older) and her mother came to the Garden for a religious event. Her sister moved to TX 22 years ago. I haven't seen her since 1988. Her mother has been very ill and has been bouncing from child's home to child's home so I haven't seen her either. My friend got into town later than expected. So if we wanted to see each other then I had to be the said person of that ability to make that happen. And I am a local. So I go over to the hotel where everybody is to just take a moment to build with her and her people.

When I get there, there is lots of hugs and kisses (that's impressive for me because I don't generally touch people) lots of you got this'es, and you look the sames. There where a few you look like your mothers. Not real happy about those. But after a minute it was clear if I wanted to continue to share there social equality, I would have to sit through their church services. Y'all see where this is going?

I don't have a problem with church people. I aon't scared neither. If folks are comfortable and happy to participate in an illusion, that is fine by me. If the illusion helps them to be better people, cool. And I did not go in there on a cold current either. I used to be a sheep. I know all the rules. I know all the songs. I was sitting in that service respectful. Yeah I didn't pray and you know I didn't give up any protection money but I wasn't obvious with it either. So why in the middle of the service these jokers decide to make a power move on me?

The "Holy Ghost" told the pastor that I needed to come up to the front of the room and be prayed for. Umm... No thank you. And where I was sitting I did not have quick access to the door. If I was going to break out of there, then I would have to get passed a bunch of big people to do it. These jokers had the unmitigated gall to circle around me! The people I came to see started crying and speaking in tongues. Really? Their mother started telling me to stop being rebellious and go up there. NO dammit!!!!

These people are from NJ. They know what a 5%er is and they know how I get down. They knew I was righteous before I arrived. Hell, the best friend was a former Earth! All three of them women were fanatical. The younger ones pointed out that my family were the ones who got them to go to church. Since we were the only family on the block that HAD to go to church every time the door opened. Smelled like a set up.

The pastor had been speaking about a child who was in a coma who woke up in a church service. Even pulled out someones phone to provide proof. Yeah... No. I'm not falling for that foolishness. I am a health care professional. If a parent takes a child in a coma out of the hospital, child welfare will be called. That child was not dressed in a hospital gown, she had on a bunch of clothes. stockings, shoes, barrettes, dress, blouse.... That child made a pit stop before she got to church.This is just a heavy-sleeping child and that's it. The preacher was claiming that he could raise the dead. Come on now.Again, Really?

Finally when asked to speak, I spoke (with a stun gun in my hand!). I said that I used to to be a Christian but wasn't anymore. So there was nothing that these people could say to me that I hadn't already heard. I explained that even with the stupid youtube demo, I wasn't going to believe in resurrection of the dead. I explained that I came to visit my friends, not to be part of their religious experience. I also pointed out that I was sitting there in a respectful fashion not making a scene or distracting from their services and I didn't appreciate their attention. I got a few predictions and threats and then the service was over and I bounced as fast as I could. The pastor asked for my Math so that we could continue to build (my words not his). I'm thinking.... Emphatically Hell No!

This is my gripe.... Why it had to be like that? I could see if I went up into their services all disrespectful and shit. Interrupting and acting out. But I am civilized. I know how to act abroad. I sat there quietly and did the knowledge. These jokers took it upon themselves to strong arm me into there beliefs. How come that's alright? If someone else had done that I could have called the police.

It's gonna be a long time before I go back in another church unless someone is laid up in front of it!


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Serenity Laughed... Actually she cracked the hell up!

Peace Y'all,

3 days ago, I had an announcement dream.

An announcement dream is a dream where some entity comes to you with a big announcement. Or at least big to you. I dreamed of a coal black, bare chested older man with white pants holding a machete in his left hand. i didn't see what he had in his right. My foot board is really big. He came to tell me of the impending birth of my son. He came at the right time. Just as I was awaking. Not asleep but not fully awake. Makes it hard to claim dreaming since I was kind of awake. I was laying in the bed next to my God. I should be all geeked since we are trying, per se, to have children together.

My Dad claimed that he had several announcement dreams right before I came into the world. He said that it was me coming to him telling him to make me. Funny, I don't remember doing that.

Two reasons why I'm not thrilled.

This is not my 1st announcement dream. I dreamed years ago of a little girl who called me "Mommie" in the very same location at the very same foot of the very same bed. I lay in that bed alone at the time, and girl child was ever born to me. Secondly, The God and I were just discussing divination and visions. Why is it that some people seem to have the ability to forecast the future and have supposedly supernatural talents. He scienced it up so nice that when said, so-called vision came to me, I was lightly disrespectful. I was like, "yeah, yeah..." And started asking all kinds of questions that had nothing to do with the subject at hand. Hell, Why not? You have a being come to you from where-the-hell-ever and you don't seize the opportunity to ask questions? Teehee

He bounced.

We'll See.....


PS: Cool points for folks that get why I titled this as such

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

True and Living Earth... Part II

In a previous post, I stated that I had already begun the process of "cleaning myself up" prior to me going under 5% instruction. That is very true. I stopped eating meat a decade ago, stopped perming my hair around the same time. I stopped wearing pants approximately 5 years ago, stopped wearing synthetic fibers (with the exception of bras) on my body and in my hair. I was in the process of ceasing to smoke cigarettes when I started instruction. I had a few cartons in the freezer and I knew that those would be my last. I was gully with my smoking. Stopping smoking led to me stop drinking. Currently, I am a very cleaned up individual. I have worked hard on this and it has been a process. I'm not sure if it was easier to give up drinking or weaves? And I do miss my cosmetics.

But saying all that does not mean I got nothing positive from this Nation. Some folks feel that's what I was saying. That says a lot more about them that they feel that's all this Nation has to offer. No, I'm not back tracking my previous post, I still see it as being accurate. I'm adding on. Consider this part two....

It is not difficult to see the need to externally refine oneself. Even devils do this. There is a whole hippy like movement that includes devils - yoga, raw food, meditation, environmental consciousness, etc. So as an Original person, I inherently heeded the call to refine my body and lifestyle without KOS. I mean I didn't have to look any further than my own family to see that I will fall victim to the plethora of health problems that runs rampant in my family. I made many decisions solely based on my folks. Also, I'm a doctor. I have been trained to perceive and prevent illness. So it doesn't take Supreme Mathematics or 120 for me to see that I was living in a way that was going to be detrimental to my health in the long run and take steps to change and improve it.

What this Knowledge did for me was allow me to recognize and not to fall victim to situations and bullshit that I had previously advocated. All of the superstitions and spookisms I can see that from a mile away now. I don't get confused about who I am and what my role is in this world. I am no longer fearful of acting because of some future retribution by some fickle abstract being. Nope. I no longer govern my actions based on what the astrologer, soothsayer or preacher tell me is going to happen. If I want to speak to God, I call him on the cell.

I'm reading a book right now that is not supposed to be a religious book, but is. Before, I would have taken the words on face value and believed that this is how this modality is supposed to work. Not any more. I recently read another book that challenged a information that I had long ago accepted as fact years months and days ago. This knowledge has suppressed a normally violent and quick temper. Anger management therapy couldn't do it, it just made me angrier and how to hide it from others. Which makes it go internal, fucking up my health in the process. I have learned that whatever I read, am told, advised to do, and so on should be followed up with my own personal research. Mine. It's not the responsibility of others who are trying to sell me a line of bullshit to prove that they are correct. That's idiotic. It's like people who are purchasing a car who take the carfax report from the dealer and believe it. SMH. Later, after the warranty wears off, they are surprised that they have been deceived.

KOS is keeping me from falling for the interorientation.


Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Random Sex.....

This is a random thought....

When I was a teenager... sex was scary; fraught with all manner of fearsomeness. Girls who had sex GOT pregnant. Case closed. And those that did not didn't because they had abortions or were just hard core sluts who didn't deserve the privilege of birth. Both scenarios did their job to keep me from the evil one-eyed serpent that spewed poison.

Fast forward to my adult life.... As an adult I enjoy sex, but it is not nearly as exciting as the thought of it as a teenager. I don't get pregnant every time I have sex. I am not now nor ever was considered a whore, harlot, strumpet, or DT. But sex has lost a lot of its former mystery.... And I don't know how I feel about that.