Monday, September 22, 2014

Path of Least Resistence


This is something that has been rolling around in my mind for sometime. I have been having difficulty expressing it via blog. People read my blog then approach me in a cold current because they think I was talking about them. Hit dogs will holler. But do you know what??? I don’t care. My give-a-fuck-cipher is really small now. And I’m good with that.

Why are people so lazy that they take the path of least resistance?

There is a meme floating about, with a picture of a thick body builder. And the question was posed, “what would you do if this man slapped your mother?” And the answer was, “I’d slap her too. How dare she offend this man?” now I get that that was a joke. I even sniggled, but it is an example of what I’m talking about. Instead of doing the right thing, people do the easy thing. Easy is not synonymous with right.

Let me give you some examples….

This has happened more than I care to say. Yet another reason why I rarely go out. I’m at an event/party with my boyfriend but I’m not necessarily sitting with my boyfriend. Hell, it’s a party and I’m laughing with my girls and the BF is hanging with his boys. Invariably a man… just like Maxine on Living Single, he will have on some gingham or pleather with a jheri curl, a big belt buckle and a gold tooth…. will try to make a power move. When I tell dude that I have a BF he doesn’t believe me. “If you have a man, where is he at?” He gets handsy and I get gone and run to my BF and tell him that another man is bothering me. And do you know what most of my boyfriends will say/do? “What did you do to him?” WTF!!!! I’m not saying that I want BF to go over and kick old dude’s ass, but I will like my feelings acknowledged. And for the record, I don’t date small men. They are always big and/or tall. So these dudes are just being lazy by not protecting me.

The reason my most frequent past fiancĂ© (yes I have been engaged a lot. And this dude, I was engaged to 3 separate times with other fiancĂ©s/husbands in between) went from friend-zoned to eff-able was because I was at a party and a freak show was advancing on me, and he actually protected me… THE ENTIRE NIGHT. Normally I’d have to leave after an altercation, but not then. Clearly this dude and I had our issues, but my feeling safe in his presence wasn’t one of them.

When I moved to Atlanta, one of the biggest factors influencing our decision to come here was whether or not I could practice here. I had just completed my training and got licensed in NJ. I didn’t want to have to do that all over again in GA. I called the GA Board of Dentistry and asked them if my license would transfer seamlessly to GA. Chick told me, and I quote, “If you have a license in NJ, I see no problem with you getting a license in GA.” I asked will it transfer seamlessly, she said, “Absolutely.” Once I got here and applied for the license, I was told that I would have to do everything I had just done all over again. I had the name, the date, the time of the person I had spoken with. And she said that she didn’t misspeak. She said the process was the same here as in NJ (It’s not) and that if I did it there, I could do it here. Why didn’t she just say when I called her, “No”? Because she didn’t want to be the bad guy.

When I used to go to church, I would be dry-molested by various old men in the church who thought it was funny and that I might take it as a compliment. No. I got to the point that I wouldn’t allow anyone to touch me. A man at one church ran me down so that he could get a full frontal hug. His wife saw the encounter and complained to the pastor that I was making a pass at her man. REALLY???? Dead Ray Charles could have seen that for what it was. But it was easier for her to blame me than have a conversation with her husband. At another church, I pulled a knife… in service… on a man who made an offensive comment about my breasts. His wife didn’t speak to me for a month. What did I do wrong?

My boss wants certain things from me that aren’t necessarily in my job description. Nothing lecherous… Like he wants me to have long hair all the time. It doesn’t have to be permed/weaved but he prefers my hair long. IDKY. Especially when all t he other females in the office have really short cuts. He wants me in heels. IDK why because I sit down all the time. And most importantly he wants me in makeup. Again, IDKY. There are other women who work here who he does not have this expectation. He has gone as far as to not give me a raise because of this; yet he has never mentioned this to me directly. He even sort of stopped speaking to me socially because of this. I over heard him speaking to a vendor about what he wanted from me. So… I wear my locs out as much as is possible and maintain my 3/4ths and put on more makeup than I previously did. And we are back to being friends again. Why didn’t he just say something? I stopped wearing makeup because it started to break me out. I stopped wearing heels because I broke my foot 3x and heels frighten me a little now. I guess he never considered any of that. I mentioned all of this to him and you should have seen the look of concern… he is an actor though… wash over his face. SMH… But I guess he took the easy road, huh?

Just this weekend, I planned to go to a Drive in with some friends. A friend mentioned that she wanted to see the movie that I was planning to see. She has a clean car unlike myself and my other friend. I asked her if she wanted to go and she said yes. I tell her that we will be to her house at 7:45pm. She says cool. I text her when we are on our way. Again, she says cool. I get there and she tells me that she changed her mind. She wants to just talk in her driveway. Damn the fact that there were 2 people looking at her who wanted to see the movie. Why couldn’t she just tell me at any given juncture that she didn’t want to go? By having us go out of our way to go to her house wasted time and gas! But I guess the right thing was too hard.

This passed Friday, I had an appointment to meet a sales rep from a hotel and sign a contract and hand over some money. I called and confirmed the appointment on Thursday. When I got there on Friday, she was in a meeting of undetermined length. I was told I could wait, but there was no idea how long the meeting would take. Now… this trick, had my phone number and she knew I was coming. What was wrong with calling me 1st and saying, “I’m sorry but we need to reschedule our appointment. I’ve had something to come up”? I suppose it was too hard.

I am a big proponent of minding my own business. But if I see someone that can use my help and I won’t die in the process… because being dead is something I don’t think I want to do…. I will aid folks. I have seen children walking in the pouring rain with no umbrella, and have offered them rides. Some take it, some don’t. But I have given away umbrellas… good umbrellas… to the ones who choose not to get in the car with strangers. A crazy old lady decided to beat the isht out of a teenager at the bus stop. I initially thought that she was the child’s grandmother, but upon hearing that the crazy old lady was just pissed that the child bumped her, I got between the lady and the child and offered the child my protection as an adult.

I have given people rides when I wanted to lie and say I had something else to do. I have told the truth when I would have been easier to lie. I don’t cut corners or say things for the sake of getting along. If folks are laboring to get into my business, I will either tell them to mind their own business or just refuse to answer their questions. And that doesn’t make me a nice and fluffy Serenity, but I don’t care. I am honest.

So at the end of the day, I have the expectation that this will continue to happen, because folks are lazy. And they don't seem to care that not being authentic aids in them being easily led in the wrong direction. But be mindful, if we have personal dealings you will seee that I won’t go quietly into the night. You WILL have an uncomfortable, public and very vocal interaction with me. I guess in my case, it will be easier to do the right thing than just being lazy.


Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Rice Balls


Let’s talk about this ray Rice thing, shall we?

I don’t need to tell you all the ins and outs of this ridiculous situation. It’s domestic violence. And it’s always wrong whether a man is the abuser or a woman. The bottom line is somebody should have been taught, when you’re grown and in a relationship, it is not okay to put your hands aggressively on people without permission. And that is the end of it. No mitigating circumstances. But here is the problem…. Mrs. Rice gave him permission to beat the brakes off of her.

A woman is only a victim the 1st time she gets beat. And I’m using woman as the example but it could switch depending on the relationship. If she didn’t know her man was an abuser and he whips her ass for burning his grits… Right there and then she is a victim. She didn’t know. If she stays with the fool, she becomes a co-conspirator. And then, I don’t care what happens to her.

There are Lifetime movies and after school specials about this. There is no one in America who doesn’t know what domestic violence looks like or what to do when it happens. I get that the police can be callous, but this is what they do every day so it’s regular to them. Also, many women who report abuse just do so in the moment and then drop the charges. That is a lot of paperwork for nothing.

“Serenity! You are so uncaring and mean!”

No, I’m not. I get it more than you realize. I’ve been there. I was in an abusive relationship. I was young too… 17. I didn’t know any better. My parents had a quasi abusive relationship and I thought that was normal. This boy used to slap me around on the regular. I know what it feels like to have the taste slapped out of your mouth. And it’s just like it sounds. I swear I could see taste leaving my lips. And when I threatened to leave, he would either apologize and buy me something or beat me some more. When I would come home with black eyes, if anybody said anything, it would be “What did you do?” It took putting 900+ miles between us and some serious soul searching about what I wanted to happen in my life. It was as simple as I don’t like ass whippings. As long as I was with craze-moe, ass whipping were going to happen. And a really kind new boyfriend who was just what I needed in that moment to let me know that I had options. I could get another man, who was nicer, better looking, with more money, etc. I did not have to put up with that bullshit. Then we had just one more parting fight. That last ass whipping was vicious, and he cried through. He must have known it was a wrap. He beat my ass so bad, I spent xmas break recuperating. The doctor said I shouldn’t go back to school all injured like that. I had my teeth. Everything else would heal.

So for Janea to marry this fool after being knocked out??? She either got brain damage from fist or wall, or she likes getting her ass beat or she signed up for a war that will allow her to get PAID upon divorce. In any scenario I don’t care what happens to the woman. I’m posting this for other women (or men) in this situation…

If your s/o whips your ass because he didn’t like what you said, he will whip your ass because he doesn’t like what your wearing, or how you smell, or because you burnt the eggs, or because you took too long to come back from the store, or if you speak to someone else, or because he doesn’t like to hear you laugh, or because he had a bad day at work or because the sky is blue or because water is wet, etc. It doesn’t matter. Once his fists find comfort on your person it always will be like that. Even if you break up for 5 years. He will see you driving in his town, think you’re looking for him, follow you home, grab you from behind when you stick your key in your lock and try to force you in his car to go only mystery god knows where. Oh wait… that’s my story again.

Don’t be a punk bitch.