Sunday, November 30, 2014



It's taken some time for me to put my thoughts together. I'm not about promoting my Culture by denigrating another. My Culture can and does speak for itself. But there are moments when I know there is NO possibility of me returning to my former lifestyle. And this is one of the reasons....

My Aunt was a member of her church for years, months and days. More than 60 years she labored in her church. My grandmother had been a member of this church, and where my mother had been baptized. Had mother stayed in her hometown, my brother and I would have been raised in that church too. This church was the family church.

My Aunt was fortunate enough to become elderly; and had all the issues elderly have. She developed Alzheimer's. If you know anyone with this disease you know they don't get better, only worse. Eventually she had to be hospitalized. My aunt lived for about 10 years with the disease. It was like her body forgot how to do what bodies do. She stopped engaging. Stopped speaking. Stopped eating. And eventually stopped breathing. The super rich have the money to put their old folks in those rent by the month places. We aren't rich. My Aunt had to use her social security and medicaid to pay for the nursing home. Not part of it... ALL. There was no other money.

When she died, the church that she had been a member of denied her a funeral. Actually, they were quite, stank about it. They said we didn't send the church any money. What money? All of my Aunt's money went into her care. Because we didn't donate money to the church we weren't able to have anything there. WOW! It's shit like this that keeps it real for me. Not only was my Aunt denied her service..... she wasn't allowed burial in a plot that she already paid for because it was on church property. My Aunt had been married twice and both her husbands predeceased her. Both husbands were interred in her family plot. She was to buried in the middle. But that didn't happen because she didn't pay her tithes. Who are they gonna put in there with them? A stranger??? Are they going to refund the money back to the family? This is some grimy shit,

Why do people get all shiesty over dead people? What does a funeral cost a church? My Aunt wasn't just some pew member. She lived walking distance from that church and went there daily. I remember being there as a small child and my Aunt and Grandmother cleaning all the wood in that old wooden church. I can still feel the burn and smell the Murphy's oils soap. Auntie cooked for that church, sang in the choir taught Sunday school, was an officer. She even cosigned for church loans! But she wasn't allowed to get old, sick and die in that church.

None of the people from that church visited her while she was sick either.

It's shit like this that makes me clear my days of xianity are done.