Monday, September 27, 2010

Pride and Prejudice

Peace People.

I was watching the Real Housewives of DC and there was this gay man that held a meeting with some of the wives to get there support on the gay marriage issue. Of course there were people there were like "Oh yeah!!!" and other folks who were like, "Marriage is only between a man and a woman!" Both responses were expected. The most interesting thing that transpired was the reaction that one of the gay men present gave, when his friend said, "I hadn?t really given it much thought since it doesn't apply to me." The gay man got truly angry and krusty. He was angrier at her than he was the people that said man and woman only. Mmmm...

I am neither pro, nor anti gay. I am not gay. So I too, never decided to develop an opinion on this issue. If I develop an opinion it will alienate folks. Not that I'm afraid too. I have offended many people before and will continue. Why offend when you don't have to. But the more I think about it, and I have been thinking about it, the more I feel I need to stand somewhere on this issue.

Another thing that happened during the same time frame that is kind of related was the God and I got a joint check account. The agent assumed we were married. When we told him we weren't, that we were domestic partners, he got a bit squirrelly. I could tell that he lost respect for us initially, but after speaking to us more on the nature of our relationship and who we were (our pedigree) I could tell that we had regained his respect. All of this together got me thinking. Being neutral is not an option.

Gay people compare their current struggle to the civil rights movement. That always seemed silly to me. I'm not sure if Gay people choose to be Gay. Many marry and have children and then seem to have a conversion. Again, I'm not Gay and I have no clue regarding all the ins and outs of how it's done. I was born Black and can't hide it. I'm that Black. It is what it is. To deny people rights based on a skin color is not right and exact. But I do agree to deny someone rights based on what they do consensually in the privacy of their own bedrooms doesn't seem right and exact either.

But what rights are Gay people not getting? I have heard from others that Gay people want the rights that everyone else has. What don't they have? They cannot be denied work based on their sexual preference as Black people once were. If someone beats them up, then it's a hate crime. Applies the same to Black people. If push comes to shove, they can easily pass for straight. The only thing that is different is the domestic part. Marriage and sometimes children.

In many states Gay couples are allowed to adopt. Not every one, but many. And most people know the loopholes on this to make it work. Adopt a child in one state and move to another. Gay people also want to legally marry. Okay? I suppose this is to legitimize their relationships under the eyes of the law. Again, as someone who was once legally married and currently choosing to not be legally married, but have the same relationship, I don't see the lure. Why legal marriage? What's wrong with a civil union? The only reason I see is adoption and health benefits. Those are the only things that cannot be compensated for.

Why do I feel qualified to say this? In my current status of domestic partnershiping, I have come to many road blocks. There is a lot the God and I can't do. We had to switch car insurance policies because our original policies wouldn't allow us on the same policy unless we were married. But we found one. Another thing is our possessions. My 1st died with no will. As his only heir I inherited all his belongings and money because legally that is the hierarchy. But the God and I recognize that that won't work for us and we will have to have wills and power of attorneys so that the government can know our intentions. As non-married individuals we cannot adopt. But then... we don't really need too. And we aren't eligible to be on each other's health insurance; but a lot of same sexers have this right. What I'm saying is there are lots of people who are marginalized by the government.

This argument will lead people to say, "But y'all can marry if you want to." But why should we if it's not part of our culture? Not a lot of Gods and Earths marry. Some do. Most don't. 11:11 says if we say we are going to stay together, then we will. We don't need the government's stamp of approval. And we have accepted that we have to pay higher taxes for the pleasure. So it's not so easy to say, "Just get married."

The bigger issue is this... Gay people are in a minority. Just like Black people. Gay people alone will not be able to affect the changes that they seek. Civil rights didn't just happen because all the Black people in the wilderness of North America fought for it. White folks fought for it too. Obama didn't just get elected because every Black person in this country voted for him. white people voted for him too. And Gay people aren't going to get their changes if only they fight for it. Straight people will have to get involved too.

Do I think that homosexuality is perfectly okay? That Gay people are born that way? Do I have to? My cee on it is? folks have the right to do their own damn thing as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. And the government is not a legal tit that we all must suckle from.



Flying Mermaid said...

Even being gay it's never been a personal issue for me, because I've never been behind the concept of marriage, for myself, at least. But I do believe in equal rights, so of course everyone should be able to declare their damn love in public if they feel the need, and to have the government's stamp of approval, if that's what they think will seal their love.

Yeah, the health insurance and tax thing can be helpful, too, and why should some be excluded from that? But to me there's only one thing to really whine about with it, something that for you, too, could pose a problem, being unmarried. And this thing infuriates the fuck out of me!

Let's say one of you was in a terrible accident and wound up in the hospital. The other of you heard about it and raced over, but wouldn't be entitled to see you, or to hear a damn thing about how you were. That shit would make me crazy.