Not Valued

Peace,

When I was a young girl, and old enough to know some things, my mother tried to instill in me her version of being a proper woman. What a lady does and doesn't. What she allows and doesn't allow. The one thing that never took hold within was her concept of virtue. I never understood why it was important for a woman to not have sex. I mean it is a natural drive and how else are you to make babies. Clones?

I attended Christian and Catholic schools up until I went to college. I went to church as soon as the doors opened. Again, the churches stance is abstinence for women. (The priests and preachers were steady getting their freak on) Nothing else will do. The Catholic church even frowns on recreational sex for married people! Really? How are you gonna enforce that?

I had an older brother and 2 older uncles that lived in our home. I noticed that the rules Mommie gave me didn't apply to them. I thought is was because they were older, but by the time I got to the age of my brother (y'all know what I mean), I learned what a double standard was.

I didn't then and still don't now understand what the value is in a female's celebitic virtue?

That being said, does not mean that I am now or was ever a big hoe. Nope. I did/do understand that chicks who put themselves out there got treated bad by everyone including their own people. If they wanted respect, they had to move far away and start over. Plus I didn't want a boy/man sweating and breathing in my face. But.... if I wanted to, and I trusted the boy/man, I might. And having 3 men waiting to beat the stank out of a boy/man that wronged their kinfolk was good for me too.

But why? Why is a woman with lots of sexual partners a bad thing but men with lots of sexual partners is normal? Who are these experienced men sexing? Why is it the highest honor for a man to de-flower a virgin or marry one? It's not for good sex. It must be because they have no game and don't want to have to admit it.

Now I am at the age where I can consider that I might have children one day and how do I explain this to my young Earths and Gods if I don't understand it myself. Do I tell my daughter what I was told? "Lay there and take it" or "Sex is the price women pay for marriage and marriage is the price men pay for sex." or do I just fess up and say, "I don't know." the best part is that kids are sexually exposed so young now a days that you have to do something heinous like give birth on a stripper pole, high on cocaine, at the age of 12 to get a bad reputation. Still I am confused......

It's not just sex that confuses me; I don't see the value in poverty, eceticism or fame either. But those are Builds for another day....



Peace