Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Turtle Identified.....

Everyone is aware that Micheal Jackson has returned to the essence, last Thursday. Even folks who live in caves, on the highest mountain tops, and even the unborn and unconceived somehow know this bit of information. This is not a tribute blog. Enough of those that have been written. I haved twitted my regrets to the family. This blog is about my reaction to hearing this news...

I don't listen to the radio at work. That's a long story. I have no speakers on my computer either. And for some reason I had been too busy to get my internet on like I normally would to find out that MJ had even had a heart attack. I found out in a ghetto gas station. At that point, he was allegedly still alive but on his way to the hospital. As an adult, I am normal when it comes the the "Gloved One". But as a child and teenager, I was over the top. It was obsessive and fetishy. I do not want to get into all of the nuances, but let me just tell you, I got a lot of phone calls from folks who knew me back then, who were concerned that I might jump off a building.

My 1st reaction when I heard the Michael had had a heart attack, other than to threaten the life of the chick in the gas station (kill the messenger), was to offer up a prayer. STOP!!! U-TURN! WTF? I don't pray? I do not believe in a mystery god. So to whom was I addressing this prayer to? Precise? No. He wasn't there. No identifiable Gods were in the gas station. Woooow.... That reaction caught me completely off guard. I am clear that prayer to a mystery god is of no use. But similarly can be used meditatively, but that is not called prayer. Alignment of self with intentions is what I think of when people say prayer. But asking for a favor from a spook hovering in the sky? Then what's next? me paying him back? Umm.... No. I say one thing but when confronted with stress all that flew out of the window? I'm better than that. I know this.

A day or two later, I was driving and a feeling of intense contentment flooded over me. I like this feeling. I get it from time to time. Y'all have had it too. I felt like saying, "God is good" or "Thank you Jesus." I almost let the former phrase slip through my lips; but I caught it. I'm not proud I caught it, I was mad that the thought materialized in the 1st place. But this time, before I over analyzed it, I changed the thought from "God is Good", to "I am very fortunate." That's more like it. The fortunate-ness can be shown and proven, the God (unless I'm speaking of a specific man) can not be.

I draw this up to be a process. There were 30+ years of religious dogma put into me. I would be foolish to believe that it would disappear in 2 years no matter how evolved I am. I still find that I am overly superstitious too. Maybe it would have been easier to let go if I hadn't been as devout as I was. But I Know (always got to bring it back to today's Math) I am completely sold out on Supreme Mathematics and all of our lessons. I am in complete harmony with what we teach and expect. But I realize I am going to have to daily check and balance myself to make sure none of that older foolishness finds it's way back into my cipher.


PS: For folks that don't know me like that... Whenever I see a turtle someone dies. So now I consider turtles as a harbinger of death!


Precise said...

Don't get any wild ideas and go visiting the pet store.