Wednesday, July 29, 2009

My Duty to My Ownself

Okay… I know I said I wasn’t gonna dwell on clothes. And I haven’t for awhile, but… well… you know… just a small visit can’t hurt.

Yesterday I had on a skirt. A blue skirt if that helps. And a skirt that I have worn several times before. I had this skirt before I had KOS. Not saying that the skirt violated the refinement clause, just giving you some background, ok? Anywho… The skirt wasn’t all that tight. I have never been found of tight clothes, but it was fitted. Also it wasn’t that long. I haven’t worn a mini skirt since the early 90’s. The skirt was blue, fitted and came to my knees. I was miserable the entire day. Miserable and uncomfortable. I kept pulling at it. Hoping miraculously that it would become longer and looser. You know what hope gets you? One of my coworkers saw me putzing with it and said, “That skirt looks fine. Leave it alone.” I was more of an order rather than a suggestion. I couldn’t wait to get out of that thing when I got home. It was the 1st thing to come off. Even before my nametag.

Here is my comment…. Why is it, now, I’m all sensitive about clothes. It’s not just my clothes either. I now notice all kinds of clothing folks (usually women, but sometimes men) put on their backs. I didn’t used to. Yesterday, while uncomfortably commuting, I saw a young pregnant woman. Let me explain why she stood out. Although she was NOTICABLY expecting, she had on a dress that barely covered her ass! It could have been a shirt. Her weave was almost as long as this dress. It was see-through to boot. I could see that she had on yellow granny panties through the floral dress. She was a thin woman and after passing me, she made a turn. An old man approached her from behind and lasciviously ogled her. I could tell he didn’t know she was pregnant. She didn’t look pregnant from behind. When he realized that she was, in fact, pregnant, you could see a moment’s hesitation then he shrugged his shoulders and made a very distasteful comment. We both were horrified. She asked him why he would speak to her like that. All he did was make the nasty-man-laugh and continued on his way. I felt sorry for her, but that’s all I felt for her. I couldn’t be as angry with the man as I wanted to be because she did have on a whore’s uniform. And that made me angrier with her. Some would say she had it coming. Others would argue she has the freedom to do whatever she wants. I agreed with both opinions.

I consider myself a civilized-person-in-training so…. I grit my teeth and went to speak to her. She was nearly in tears. We chatted, I tried to console her. She was REALLY young. And I suggested that maybe she needed to be wearing pants since the dress was so short. I felt more uncomfortable having this conversation with the pregnant 85er than I felt in that skirt. I was trying sooooo hard to not be judgmental. She said that she thought she looked nice. All I could think of was 10:36. Yeesh. When we parted she assured me that she would look into proper maternity clothing. (Here comes the judgment…) Though I doubt that because maternity clothes are expensive and she was already 7 months along.

Today I am way more comfortable in a loose flowy maxidress. I feel like my ownself.

I have said all this to say… KOS has completely affected everything about me. Even things I thought I knew about myself. And I’m not sure I like this clear full body reflection. But what can be done now? I might as well get used to it, because unless I come down with amnesia or someone shoots me with the “Men in Black” light, its here to stay.



Precise said...


That's wonderful to hear how you handled that. I see you 93,000,000 miles away.

Born - "By not letting the 5% teach them, they believe in the 10% on face value."

You did your duty which is to make Knowledge Born. That's all anyone could ever ask of you. Keep teaching.