Tuesday, December 21, 2010



I don't have children. Folks tell me that I should not have opinions on child raising because of that fact. If you feel that way, move on to the next blog. This one is loaded with my opinion.

When I was in high school, an after school part time job. Not because I needed to contribute to the family's finances but because everyone had a one and I wanted to be able to obtain my own stuff without asking my parents. If you have to ask for something then they get to censor it or give you their opinion. My parent's weren't rich either. Daddy got rich after we got grown and he didn't live with us. Mommie was a teacher. We did alright. I despise people who feel like children OUGHT to contribute financially to the household. Is that why you had them?

Now I'm not saying that I didn't have responsibilities. I had chores. I never received an allowance... EVER. And I had to pay rent. $10/week. That was more for gas than for rent. I got off work at 9:30-10ish and she didn't like me catching the bus home. Said it wasn't safe. And it wasn't. Whenever I would have troubles at work, Mommie would give me guidance, but she'd also remind me, that I was working because I wanted too and not because I had too. She was right then too.

I had a friend who I was cool with before KOS that used to call me lazy and spoiled. She was raised in the projects on assistance. I'm assuming that has clouded her world view. Also I met her in church am I'm certain that she thought that she could talk to me like that since I was a good Christian and shit. She couldn't. I powerfully hurt her feelings and slept very well that night. The nerve.... Calling me lazy and spoiled while I worked 3 jobs to pay for my wedding (1 full 2 part time).

Her reasoning behind that, was that I was living at home and not paying my mother rent. I didn't see that that was her business. But the outrage in her demeanor led me to question her while she cried after I went off on her. She said that I owed it to my mother to contribute to the household. Yeah, I was grown. And I had lived on my own for 6 years before moving back in with her. But, I was working toward a goal and she was in agreement with said goal. This was her gift to me. And my mother ain't broke and does not need me to give her my gold. Hell, because of investments, social security and pension, today she makes more retired than I make working. And I ain't mad at that.

Old girl then regaled me with a tale of a 15 year old chick that went straight to a beauty salon after school and worked there braiding heads Tuesday-Friday and all day on Saturday. She took in under the table work on Sundays and Mondays. Basically she worked non-stop. All this to help her mother pay the mortgage. WTF? If I needed my adolescent children to help me pay a mortgage, perhaps I don't need a mortgage. Maybe rent is sufficient. I bet at 15 that same chick is told when to come home, who she can see and cannot see and a bunch of different rules that someone who is chipping in on a mortgage usually doesn't have to abide by.

At 15, she should be focused on school and extra curricular activities. You cannot convince me with all that work she did, that she was proficient in her schoolwork or had the appropriate social life. When did she find time to learn basic yet important lessons that if not properly learned will cause an ass of grief in the long run? Maybe she is still stunted and that was 12 years ago.

I also remember friends who at age 18, whether they were done with high school or not, their parents would put them out the house. That shit is crazy. I can see if you are 18 years old acting a fool, but good children just tossed out like trash and told to make their way in the world? That's some bullshit right there! I really can't see why a parent would do this. But I know plenty of parents that did and children this happened to.

I used to work with this woman who had 1 child. A daughter. And she had a calendar where she was marking off the days until she could legally kick this chick out of the house. I initially thought the daughter was a problem child. But she said no. Good grades, obedient, no boys. I was like then why do you want her out of the house? She said because she will be 18 and that's all the legal responsibility she had to her. I saw this same lady decades later. Her husband had returned tot he essence and she was elderly living in an old folks home with my grandmother. You know, the come and go type. She recognized me 1st. And after some hugs and hellos (she had always been really nice to me, but she could have been checking off the days until I went back to college) I asked her about her daughter. She said she rarely hears from the child. She seemed hurt. I don't know why. This is what she wanted.

My mother IS and has ALWAYS been crazy, but I also know she'd give me a kidney if she didn't have diabetes or my brother didn't need it 1st. Yeah, me and her don't speak like mothers and daughter can, but if she needs me, she knows I'm there. And I suppose vice versa, unless I'm in jail. She'd leave me to rot in a holding cell. She might not have been the most affectionate of parents and might not have done all the things I may have wanted, but she raised/parented me. Might have been a little rough (I still don't think it's cool to punch a little girl in the chest when she is crying and tell her to man up), but I am standing on my own square when I have seen, less topple others. And if I needed to crash at her pad today, she'd let me. Oh, she would talk much trash to my face and behind my back. She would annoy the bejesus out of me, but at the end of the day, I wouldn't be homeless.

Childhood should be a time for learning, but also for fun and self-realization. I think it's terrible for parents to impose things on their children that isn't necessarily beneficial for them. Like the Michael Jackson song, Starting Something says, "If you can't feed your baby(yeah yeah), then don't have a baby (yeah yeah). And don't think maybe (yeah yeah), if you can't feed your baby (yeah yeah)...."