Why You Want That?

Peace


Money is an illusion.

Possessions are a burden.

So why do we want these things?

I read a book recently (Akata Witch… I like scifi… don’t judge me) that gave me moments of consideration. The book wasn’t about money or possessions but it did discuss how more important study and Knowledge is vs. material possessions. And that it is often the quest for material possessions which will turn a person from nice or even benign to evil.

I get that money (and possessions… I’m not going to keep saying possessions, but you know I’m including them) is necessary because it provides a consistent measure of bartering. But I also know that money is just paper. And without the imbued validation by folks it is worthless. Where it goes awry is that people use money to judge another’s value and success. A homeless person is deemed less valuable than a person living in a mansion. Just because ea person is homeless doesn’t mean they don’t have money. I have personally built with homeless people that have pockets filled with dough. A person catching the bus or without a car is deemed less valuable than a person with a hummer. Maybe they have some irrational fear of driving and catch mass transit to their Fortune 500 employment. People who live in NYC are notorious for not owning cars. And in NYC folks don’t judge like that. But they do here in Atlanta…. Even quality is judged… A person in a Gremlin is deem less smart/successful/everything than a person in a Lexus. And this judgment comes often on face value! You can never be certain what people have.

You see a person stepping in tall grass and you think they have it all together. Well they owe $100+ in student loans, and are paying a $5K mortgage with a $900 car note, their kids in private schools and charged up the yinyang. They owe more than they make. I remember Donald Trump saying in an interview, that when he went bankrupt he looked at a homeless man and thought this person has more cash money than he did because he owed millions and they owed nothing. Is that the success you want?

Or…. You can look at a person living in a modest house driving a modest car with their kids in public school. That second person’s car is paid off, they inherited the house form their grandmother and all their bills get paid. At the end of the month and they have some extra. Some people like living in tiny houses. Who is the most successful in these scenarios? There is no right answer… and that’s okay.

Possessions are a drudge. Again, I get that they are necessary… but there comes a point when you have to ask, “How much is enough?” when you move, you should be eager to collect and box your stuff not dread it because it’s a process. I bear witness that I was a happier person when I had less stuff. I wasn’t a poor child, but my parents weren’t about spoiling children. I have very little personal items as a child. And I never had a lot of clothes, shoes or accessories. It was easy to get dressed and easy to move. But when I moved to my previous home I had, for the 1st time a walk-in closet. My few clothes looked paltry in there. By the time I moved out it was ridiculous. I didn’t want to move because I didn’t want to pack. I sent half of the clothes to the Goodwill and still had more clothes than my current closet can handle. That isht is a burden. Yes I love my clothes but if I had to run out in a rush, I couldn’t take them all with me. I was watching “Tiny House” and this woman’s original home got burned up in a fire. She knew it was coming and had time to grab some items. The stuff she took revealed what she found important: her husbands jacket and slippers, some pictures and a stuffed animal.

My point with this build is to get you to consider if the life you have chosen to live is actually the right one for you. Our degrees say that we are "Poor, righteous teachers." That does not mean we are broke and in need of teaching jobs. It means that we know that the term poor is defined by those with money. Why would you let Other folks determine your values? We know (Or some of us know) that our value is not defined by what we have but by what we are doing. If you are happy, safe and fulfilled by living in a shack... then shack on! You do not have to show off for the masses unless that males you happy, safe and fulfilled. Some folks feel compelled to compete with others and feel some kind of way when they get bested. And guess what? When you choose to compete with others you ALWAYS lose. If you are good and can sleep at night because you are living precisely as you want… keep it pushing. But if your life stresses you out… recalculate. If you don’t have what you feel you deserve; either figure how to get what you need or reevaluate if this is the path you should be walking.

Collecting money is like collecting decorative plates and spoons. It’s only valuable because you made it that way.


Peace

Usefullness

Peace.

You know I appreciate learned individual. I do. It takes a special person who has the discipline to sit down and do all manor of research before they act. And one of our Nation’s mottos is “Babies are the Greatest.” I see the term “Babies” to mean one that is teachable. As folks grow older, I suspect because of life experience and accumulated Knowledge, they tend to become less and less teachable, simply because they refuse to take on new information. B.U.T…… what I think people forget… Is we are not just about the acquisition of Knowledge. The Very next degree tells you to move!

So many people jaw-jack. Yes… I’m country… at times!!! Jaw-jacking is when folks sit around espousing on all the knowledge they have acquired. That’s fine because you may spark somebody… But at some point you must do something with all that Knowledge. Otherwise it slips into the realm of trick-Knowledge.

Example… I have Built before that I am learning a new language. Cool. I’m acquiring that Knowledge. But I have been speaking it to a few people that I know who speak that language (and they are tickled, that I, an American, am willing to learn their language). The office I work has gotten some new patients because of the exercise. See? Knowledge the Wisdom.

Example… I’m a dentist. And even though my career has been “non-traditional” I have managed to impart my excitement about the field to other people and aid them in their desire to pursue the profession. My Knowledge led to Wisdom.

Example…. I was curious about how to make crack cocaine. I have never used an illegal substance in my life. That includes weed. But… I was curious. I saw a video on youtube. OK. I acquired a piece of Knowledge. But unless someone walks up to me and says answer this question and I will give you a million dollars (or even $5), someone hold s a gun to my head and insists I answer a crack question or I end up on Jeopardy… I put a useless piece of information in my head

Alls I’m saying is don’t just hoard… be useful with it.


Peace

Answer me this Question......?

Peace.

Over the weekend I ran a 5K HBCU race. I have wanted to run a 5K for a long time and when I saw that it was an HBCU event I had to do it. I was very excited. And I finished! Yay!

Now clearly from the abovementioned statement, you can guess that I am a graduate of an Historically Black College/University. South Carolina State University to be exact. Not only am I a graduate of “State”… but so are my parents. That’s where they met. I have a slew of aunts, uncles and cousins who all went to State. It’s what we do. I have a cousin who is a 96 grad and her parents met at State like my parents. I do have 1 cousin who didn’t go to State… She went to Claflin! That’s a huge joke in our family… at her expense… because State and Claflin are separated only by a literal fence. State is what we do in our family.

I grew up going to private/Catholic schools. I never from K-12th grade had a Black teacher, administrator or principal. There were no Black janitors, secretaries or lunch ladies. Nothing. I went from seeing all white people to seeing all Black people. State was/is 99.7% African American. The few white instructors that were there were suing the school for racist practices, claiming they were being overlooked for promotions because they were white. Imagine how they must have felt knowing that if a student accused them of being racist towards Black people they would, no doubt, lose their jobs. How’s that for flipping the script! Who is the revolutionary now?

When I graduated form State I walked into my graduate program of choice. I didn’t have to take any special remediation classes. I received a full tuition scholarship to a majority Dental School. But if I had that to do over…. I’d go to Meharry, Howard or Norfolk, no matter the money. I detested my time at UMDNJ-NJDS. It was like being on line for 4 years and the racism wasn’t even hidden. I had to put up or shut up. Because if you know anything about professional school. There is no going to another school. You leave the school…. Then you’re done with that profession. There is no transfer or anything like that. I finished. Because I always finish what I start.

Why Serenity, are your panties in a twist??? Well after still being super amped after the race, I ran into a God, who I knew was Black Greek and a college grad. I told him about my race, and encouraged him to run next year. He said he didn’t go to a HBCU. I didn’t know that, though it seems like I should. I think the Greek thing mixed me up. Anywho… I know how this dance goes amongst folks who didn’t Go Black. He started telling me how he learned he was Black in college and got all revolutionary.

Do all Black students who go to majority institutions need to be told that? I didn’t. I was well aware that I was Black. My parents were the 60’s marching, separate but equaling, right to voting, freedom riding, boycotting folks. Not the 70’s Black Powering folks. They lived Jim Crow in the deep south. They knew they were Black and let me know I was Black too. They knew I wasn’t getting a real Black History education at school so they supplemented it with books, trips, flash cards, etc. Oh… I knew who I was and who the devil is. And my parents weren’t even righteous!

Let me tell you something…. In my entire life… only 1 white person has judged me to my face for having gone to a HBCU. Just 1. But all the Black people who go to majority institutions feel some kind of way about my education. A group of women visiting my roommate when I was in dental school called what I got, a “substandard segregated education.” Them bitches ain’t had nothing for me. I said, “Hmmm…. You might be right. But last time I checked the rate limiting step for glycolosis is phosphofructo kinase. And that’s at any school you go to whether it be Harvard or a community college. Also… yes I am the only HBCU graduate in this room and I am also the only person who walked out of college and into their chosen graduate program. I didn’t need to stop and take remedial coursework. So…….” Then I drove them in my car to the airport. My roommate didn’t have one and no one brought theirs.

This is my question…. Why do non HBCU graduates have opinions about those of us who chose to go to one? Like I said, white people don’t care. The argument that white employers will know your Black because of your school only holds up if white people have heard of the school in the 1st place. My given name does not at all sound Black. Especially my maiden last name. I look like a white girl on paper and have always gotten interviewed. White people aren’t sitting there with a list of Black colleges to cross check applications with. The only people who would know just off the tops of their heads are other Black people.

So again… why do other Black folks have issues with HBCU’s??? I’d really like to know. It’s not because of how proudly we rep our schools. Precise is a Syracuse University graduate and wears NOTHING but SU para when he isn’t working. I say rep whatever school you love. That’s your right. I hear non-HBCU folks telling high school children not to go to a Black school. Why? That’s gonna be the question of the day. Why damnnit? And if your reasons are so wonderful why are you scared to say them to our faces?

And remember that the statistic of more Black people going to majority institutions is misleading. Yes more Black students GO to majority institutions. But more Black students GRADUATE from HBCU’s. They aren’t getting passes and hook ups just because they are Black schools. I earned my B.S. degree. HBCU’s have to be accredidated just like majority schools in order to qualify for money, or make the degree meaningful. There are rules and regulations about who can graduate and who can’t. So again……

And as far as being a revolutionary goes…. I’ll let y’all fight the fight since that’s what you trained for. But I trained to handle the power once the fighting is over.



Peace

Create out of Nothing....

Peace.


This is not a spooky post.

Sometimes…. We have to create our own conditions and reality. I find that is the most difficult thing to do.

Think about this…. When you have a desire, where did said desire come from? Chances are you saw someone who had what you want or something so similar that it was easy to draw that up in your mind. But what happens when you desire something that you’ve never seen before? Serenity how is that possible? Did the Wright brothers ever see a plane before? Did Alexander Graham Bell ever use a telephone before? Did Eli Whitney’s slaves ever see a cotton gin?

It’s easy to create something based on a design set forth from another. The founding members of Alpha Phi Alpha were Black men on a white college campus. There were other fraternities on Cornell’s campus. Not that they could join. But they started a tradition that didn’t just include that chapter of that particular frat, but the entire ”Divine Nine” that followed and still follows. Those men created something that did exist prior but made it so different that it doesn’t really match what it was based on.

But what happens when you want something that never existed before? Now YOU must be the sole entity to conceive, create and manifest your goal…. And that is scary. How will you know what to expect? How will you know if you are progressing? How will you know if you’re successful? There is so much that can go amiss. But whether you are successful or not… You did something. You learned something. And of that, you can be proud.


Peace

Tongue

Peace.

I liked my life whenever I have ever been a student. Learning has always given my life direction. Because of that I consider myself a life long learner. I say ‘learner’ and not ‘student’ because I often become an unofficial student. You don’t necessarily have to be registered in a course at a school to take on a curriculum.

I feel sorry for people who don’t have “hobbies.” I see hobbies as a way of relaxing in pure enjoyment. You either get to be alone or surrounded by like minded people in a good mood doing something they love. Hobbies are useful as long as you see it that way. I sew, I read, I garden, I cook and I love them. But I don’t do any of that for money. I do it because I enjoy it. I could sew, landscape and cook for money, but then I would have to consider all the other things that I would have to do to make the venture profitable and I would no longer enjoy it. When I was a child and began sewing, as soon as I was proficient, my mother started taking in alterations. Alterations isn’t garment creation. Far from it. I HATED doing that kind of work. It almost made me quit sewing. Not every hobby needs to generate income. It’s alright to do something you love, because you love it. I’m not saying don’t seek employment in an area that you love and excel in. But that’s not the end all to be all.

I also like to learn things that although may be interesting to me, but probably won’t serve a useful purpose to most people. That’s alright for many reasons. Just because one person doesn’t find the information I find useful, doesn’t mean it isn’t. That implies that usefulness is determined externally. It isn’t. I have been taking classes in midwifery. Lots of people find that course of study useless, but ask the woman in her car... in labor… in traffic… if my certificate is useless.

I have wanted to learn a foreign language for a few years now. I could never settle on which language to learn. I took Spanish and French in school but never became proficient in either. I can sing the French National Anthem and I have a slight fluency in Espanol. 15 years ago I worked in a dental clinic where almost 50% of the patients where Spanish speaking patients. The other 50% where Arabic speaking patients. There where Arabic speaking doctors employed at the clinic so they took all those patients but what do we do about the Spanish ones? We had Spanish speakers employed at the clinic but the patients were told to bring translators which were usually their children pulled out of school. The Spanish speaking staff was not allowed to translate for them. The theory behind that rule was that if they knew there were people who would translate, then they wouldn’t bring their own.

What do you do if you have a patient sitting in your chair, sans a translator looking at you? You start picking up phrases. I got good enough to converse with my patients about their dental needs and even became conversational outside the clinic. The staff seemed impressed that I was willing to learn their language and taught me a bunch of words and when it was appropriate to use them. And the staff was from all over South America. I learned that Spanish is different to people from Puerto Rico to Mexico to Peru etc. When I left that job and moved out of state I lost a lot of it. But it was easy to pick up because it was still in there, just dusty. I knew a lot of words and was good on conjugating verb so it was just a matter of learning new words. I was on a roll too. Until….

I did the knowledge to Spain… the mother tongue of Spanish. Somehow, someway, it had slipped my mind that Spanish was no more an “Original” language than English was. When I think of the Spanish people I come in contact with every day, they aren’t Spaniards. The are Brown people form South America. I had forgotten. I did the Knowledge to the history of South American countries and was met with the brutality of Spanish colonization. I don’t want another slaveholders tongue in my mouth. Bye bye Spanish…..

Since then I have been looking for another language to learn. Asian languages are to hard and write in characters. That’s 2 new things to learn. The language and the writing style. I haven’t come to terms with how I feel about Hindus. Don’t judge me. Yes they are Original, but many of them have sold out. There are SEVERAL dialects to choose within that language. And that is true with most African languages. Arabic and Hebrew are associated with spooky religions. I don’t want that either. So far…. Amharic and Swahili are languages I am willing to investigate.

Why Amharic language when I just said I didn’t like Arabic or Hebrew. If you do the Knowledge to Amharic (and I’m not even sure that that is the correct name to call it, but it comes up when you Google it) it is in the same family (Semitic) as Arabic and Hebrew. It is a language of Ethiopia. Ethiopia is the only country in Africa and the world to never fall victim to devil colonization. It is the only pure and untouched place on this planet. Original people should treasure it as the Jews and Fundamentalist Christians treasure Israel. But... it might be hard to find a proper teacher and the written language is in Ge'ez, another character written words. I don't think I want to learn Ge'ez. So I will be able to speak it but not read and write it.

Ethiopia also falls in what our degrees call the “Root of Civilization.” If you consider plate tectonics and what the planet looked like a millennia ago, Ethiopia/Cush, India and Egypt/Kemet where all in the same locale. Squished up against each other. One could say it was the same country. So considering that this tongue is as Original as we can find where people are still speaking it, and in the prime Original location. I’ll take it!

Swahili is another contender. It’s more West African. And even though as an American Black person, I will Never be sure of where my family originates in Africa…. I’m assuming it would be on the west side. But Swahili speakers fall into the category of people who have been indoctrinated with the devil’s Culture. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I have also read that Swahili might be one of the oldest languages still spoken. And it's written in the Latin characters that we already know. So I'd be able to read and write Swahili.

A friend of mine (whose motivations I question) asked me why I would “waste my time” learning something so obscure. Why not learn Spanish so I can interact with the people on Beaufort Highway? For me everything isn’t financially motivated. I recognize that money has its place, but my personal satisfaction is equally as important. I seek to balance the two. If I never learned another non-English word, I’d have what I have now; since I don’t speak another language at the time of this present writing. My money won’t be compromised. So why not learn something for the joy of learning?


Peace

Universal Relationships

Peace.

This month I said I was going o recite 120 everyday. And everyday this month has found me in degrees. I will admit that some days I had so little time that I just read them over from my book of life. That counts. When you read something you already know, you recite them while you read.

As always, when going through these degrees, things jump out at you and you see something new. The things that have been floating through my mental mind are the Solar Facts…

No one usually ever builds on Solar Facts, but all degrees are in fact build-worthy. Usually the planets… not including the Earth… in the lesson set, are used as derogatory comments for women who aren’t acting like Earths. I have heard people refer to women who they consider overbearing as “Jupiter.” And they mean it as an insult. This got me thinking…. I am and have been and will continue to be all of these planets at one or another to various and sundry men.

Follow me on this example….Original men are considered the “Sun” and Original women are “Earth.” The only way the Sun:Earth dynamic is applicable is if they are in a romantic relationship. What about other Original women that have some type of relationship to a Sun? We all have other people we associate with, other than our paramours.

All these attributes are applicable to Serenity: woman, female, widow, girlfriend, daughter, sister, niece, employee, coworker, friend, enemy, customer, stranger etc. The ONLY person that I should have a 93 million mile orbit relationship with, is my man. Should I be rotating around other men with the same mileage? Should my Original male coworker get the same accoutrements as my man? Should my brother, father or uncle? What about my friends? The answer is no.

When I was a child I was Mercury. I was so deeply enamored with the men in my life I would follow them everywhere and believed anything they told me. That’s what little girls do. They keep close to their male caretakers. And they should. Even to this day, if the surviving male relatives want or need me to do something for them, I’m right there. Quick fast and in a hurry.

When I get in a new relationship… I’m Venus. We all are (female and male). We put our best foot forward to strive to impress. That usually translates for women that we take extra effort to appear beautiful to these men and do things we KNOW we aren’t going to do should the relationship take hold and become long term. But just like Venus has the opposite rotation to most of the other planets, we know that that is a dysfunctional, though necessary phase that we all go through. Behaving other than self will not last.

I have already mentioned that I am Earth to my Sun… But occasionally he pisses me off and I drift 49 million miles out and become Mars. Then that shit gets interesting.

I have plenty of nieces and nephews and other smaller people that I mentor. To those people who are dependant on something I have to give, I am Jupiter. Many say that Jupiter is a failed star, but often failure is necessary for you to blossom at your true calling. All mothers and caretakers are Jupiter.

To my good friends, I’m Saturn. There is not a person on Earth who knows everything about me. My family knows a lot of who I am, but they don’t know everything. The God doesn’t know everything either. I learned a long time ago to keep parts of myself from certain people. The people with whom I share a Cipher, know the least about me in the scope of friendships. I only tell people what they need to know for a given situation. And that is Saturn… A mysterious planet. I don’t set out to be mysterious but I find it happens.

As I carry out this metaphor, I hope you notice that the further away from the sun, the cooler the relationships get.

To people I strongly dislike, I’m Uranus. Uranus appears to have a crazy rotation. That planet appears to “roll” on it’s axis rather than “spin.” It also orbits the opposite directions of all the other planets. Does not that describe the relation between people who don’t like each other? You can only be enemies with people you once had friendships. Remove the “R” from friend and you get “fiend.” There is nothing wrong with the planet Uranus itself. It is comfortable in it’s own orbit and it does what it does for itself. But to outsiders it’s different and conflict arises from different.

To people who are essentially strangers, yet I have regular dealings I am Neptune. Neptune is still a gas giant so it’s a significant relationship. They Know who I am by name but rarely much more. Employers tend to be people you have that relationship with, but they don’t actually know who you really are as a person. The gas giant comes into play because I am completely dependent on my employer for money as he dependant on me for the work I do. Employers know the work you. My boss has never heard how I actually speak when I am relaxed, because I never relax around him. My work voice is so different than my personal voice, when someone calls me at work they don’t believe it’s me. I have a whole set of things that are specifically set aside for the job. I have “work” clothes vs. at home clothes. We all do. My boss knows who I am Monday-Thursday from 7:30 to 5. That’s it. No more. There is no level of mystery to our relationship because I don’t care that much and neither does he. I want my paycheck, and he wants the profession. Does either of us care how the other one is feeling? Only so much that it affects the job or on my side the paycheck.

A Pluto relationship is reserved for strangers. And that is right and exact. If I don’t know you, I don’t need to be close to you. Well serenity, how can “strangers” be considered part of your Universe? They can and can’t. People that you ride the buss with, people you work on the same floor but don’t know their names, people that you see everyday but you don’t know. Those people are still part of your Relationship Universe. And they may not even see you as a planet as Pluto isn’t considered a planet currently to the scientific community.

So there you have it. I am rotating all over the Universe in different relationships with different men. It’s is as it should be… as it always is.


Peace

Small Changes....

*** This is a long one. So you may want to print it to paper and read it when you have time. Like on the train or in the bathroom. Lunch reading. Last time I checked it was up to 4 pages! Just so you know***


Peace.

It seems to me that the art of consistently changing your life occurs in a series of small steps rather than big ones. I’m not saying big changes won’t alter your life. If you develop cancer, lose a limb or a spouse your life will change forever in a big way. But that is more reacting than being proactive with change. The small ones are the ones that have lasting power.

Have you ever seen people trapped in their own lives? People who go to work and come home scared to venture out of their daily routines? People who are afraid to try ANYTHING new. People who have accepted that what they have is all they are ever going to have and made peace with it. They make comments like, “Well if I haven’t tried it by now, I don’t need to.” And my favorite, “Black people don’t do that.” I can’t stand those small minded, small thinking people. I try not to share air with them. Seriously I will hold my breath or get of the elevator. I don’t want any of their essence within me.

I am a COMPLETELY different person than I used to be just 10 years ago. I look different. I do different things. I live in a different place. I wear different clothes. I eat different food. And I am not done. I expect to be in a different place in the next 10 years and different still 10 years after that and so on….

I used to be a scared and sheltered Christian who listened to everything my mother and pastor told me to do. I kinda fell in to that pattern because of trauma that happened when I was a teenager. Up until I was 17 I was free spirit. I went and did what I wanted but stayed barely within the parameters of what was expected so I wouldn’t get in trouble. I was (and am still) the queen of arguing the point of I did what I was supposed to. 2 things happened that burst my bubble…. My mother entered menopause and I got an abusive boyfriend

Those 2 situations put and locked me into a box where all I could do was beg the mystery god to make it all better. Since I religion at home and at school, I forced myself to be less of a free spirit and more devout. But guess what. The situation never changed. But graciously, I went away to college. Distance was a good thing.

In college, I became a little more free… but not completely. The most valuable lesson I learned in college was that it was up to me to become the person I wanted to become. I could not look to another person to guide me. If I did then I would become the person that person wanted me to be; and that wasn’t necessarily what I wanted to be.

My first independent decision was my career choice. I wanted to be a doctor, but not a medical doctor. I had worked in a hospital around people who died and knew that I didn’t want to be involved in a career where that was a looming possibility. The only other ‘doctors’ I knew where dentists, vets, and eye doctors. So I have a career of my own choosing.

Next questionable choice I made was to fast. Grad school was no joke. It sucked all the color from my life. I was not doing well (testing panic) and I needed to clear my mind and settle down. Inspiration came upon me to fast before tests. And it was just that… inspiration. It centered me so that I performed better. I was no great scholar in grad school like I had been in previous educational settings. But the fasting made me a solid student. I graduated on time and I found a way to cope with large stress. I find fasting to be centering; I could focus on the task at hand. It worked so lovely that I made it something that I did on a weekly basis and later in life long term fasting.

Next big choice was to become a vegetarian. That was a rough choice because (a) I didn’t know other vegetarians, and (b) I was going to be the only person in any of my ciphers to live this lifestyle. I made the decision because I was idiopathically unhealthy and after a lot of research and doctor’s visits, it seemed to be a way that I could heal. Why was this a thing? All the people around me swore I was trying to commit suicide via eating disorder. My mother tried to have me committed. (My mother has been trying to have me committed all of my childhood. Doctors have always told her that I’m normal, but she still tried…) My husband supported me, (though was a bit weirded out at my mother’s reaction) but only with his words. I became a vegetarian by myself. And this was before the internet. I had to figure out things on my own. I tried a lot of new and different recipes. Now I have an entire repertoire.

Next independent choice I made was to stop perming my hair. I had gone perm free in grad school but under braids. I said it was because it saved time on my hair so I could focus on school. But I knew it could be done. I learned there that white people were going to have something to say if I wore my hair differently. But not what you think. A lot of what white people do is based on supremist ignorance. They wouldn’t trip about my hair as long as they could pity me for not having their hair. But it’s not the white people that made my 2nd natural hair transition difficult. It was the Black people. What Black people say and do to other Black people will always be more hurtful than what white people say and do. Simply because we have more intimate interactions with each other. Your white boss is not going to call you ugly to your face, but your family, friends and pastor will. Plenty of people with natural hair have jobs. But your own people will strive to convince you that natural hair = unemployableness. Your man will tell you he no longer finds you attractive. Hampton University will say you can’t attend if you lave locs. You can die a million little deaths amongst your own people because you decide to reject the mold. It can be way more painful than anything white folks can do.

I find having dreadlocks to be waaaaaaaay easier. People are more accepting of locs on women than plain natural hair. I think it’s because locs can grow long and women are supposed to have long hair.

A smaller but equally difficult choice was the choice to stop wearing pants. Now NGE cannot claim that their teachings taught me to not wear pants. Nor can Christianity take credit for this. A plate glass window on Euclid Ave in Little 5 Points got that credit 10 years ago. I had on jeans, boots and a sweater. I saw my reflection in a window and I realized that the jeans gave anyone with vision, an 87.6% accuracy to what I look like naked. It’s not that particular pair of jeans either. Women’s pants are not ever as saggy as men’s pants. They are usually fitted from waist to hip, and most down to the ankle. If a woman is wearing pants, chances are they will show her form. I’m not okay with that. Months before my pastor at the time made a comment about my intention while I was wearing a different pair of jeans. He was sporting an obvious erection that he blamed on my outfit. He didn’t apologize. He said it was my fault. I do not advocate the practice of blaming the victim for the feelings and the actions of the perpetrator, but I realize that I may have some minor culpability in the exchange. Besides, folks shouldn’t get to view the goodies unless they are qualified.

Why was this so difficult? The current world we live in, kind of requires women to wear pants. Inclement weather, yard chores, outdoor activities, etc. Do I want to be a house hermit? I only own a certain kind of pants. 2 pairs of jeans 1 utilitarian pair for snow or doing something really dirty. And another pair because I paid more than I should for them and I’m not getting rid of them. It’s like finding Jordans at the thrift store. Not on my dime. And I own exercise pants that I work out in. I suppose I could run in a skirt… but I’m not. Chances are when you meet me, I’ll have a dress or skirt on. And do you know what? Folks don’t even notice unless I make Knowledge Born. When I’m in meetings and folks ask me to tell them something they don’t know about myself, I always say, “I don’t wear pants.” Even people who have known me for years are surprised.

The next big independent decision I made was to leave Christianity. This was the absolute most painful and scary of any decision I have ever made. I had been taught and had internalized that I was nothing without the mystery god. If Christianity wasn’t working for me it was because of my own innate evilness (I have more evil because I’m a woman) and I needed to get right with God. I have been “born again” 6 times that I can count. Ach time more drastic than the previous because clearly I hadn’t prostrated myself enough the last time since I backslid. After my husband died… I literally lived in my house, tithing, fasting and praying, only venturing out to go to church and work. In the words of Angela Windbush… This ain’t living.

I stared by looking for other religious options. I hadn’t quite come to the realization that it was religion that was the problem. I bounced from the Moors to the Wiccans, to the Ausar Auset Society. Where I found something in all of the programs useful, as a whole it was the same as Christianity. I wasn’t about to learn a whole new system for something I had already rejected. Even when I came to NGE, I was approaching it like a religion. I treated Supreme Math, Alphabet and 120 like it was the Bible and my enlightener like he was a prophet. I was literally afraid to let go of the mystery god’s unchanging hand. And that’s what it is. No matter what religion you find, it is always the same rhetoric. A friend of mine who is the New Birth cult said to me, “You can’t serve two masters. You need to get it together and repent of your sins and go back to Jesus. Stop fooling around with this other stuff. You know better.” And she was right, I did know better. I knew in my being that I was done with church. I had to just physically let it go. And imagine how much more I’d have to give up this time to get ‘born again.’ There was a lot of crying and sleepless night, but do you know what? It’s been 8 years and that lightening bolt never came. I have had trials and tribulations, but so has everyone. I have had joys and triumphs, and so has everyone else. What I don’t have is the illusion of someone pulling my strings. If I want something, I need to figure a plan and go get it.

Being part of NGE Culture I choose to wear my head covered in some aspect. I know not all Earths cover their heads full time. But I do. Every day when I leave the house, I have something on my head. Whether it’s a hat or a wrap. I’ve even done doilies. It is a rare occasion that I don’t have something on my head. I made that choice at the beginning of my lessons. If my boss knew that there was an option to me covering my hair, he would choose and option for me; and it would be the option HE wanted. I refused to give him that power and took the decision out his hands. Since then, I have come to love the wrap. I don’t feel restricted at all by wearing it. I love that it puts my ‘differentness’ right put front for every one to witness. I was self conscious at first but I got over it. I am a visual representation of NGE wherever I go. Folks look at me and say…. “Hmmmm… I wonder what’s going on over there.” And they treat me with the respect of someone they haven’t figured out yet.

When making a change I find it best to employ the scientific method. Conceive the idea, develop a plan, work the plan, collect data, look objectively at the results and make a determination about whether your experiment was successful and whether the result is useful in your life. Works every time!

And most importantly, don't be scared to do something that is right for you.


Peace