Monday, January 24, 2011

Dreams Deferred

My life sucks. No, this is not the rant of a depressed female on the crux of a hormone imbalance. It really does. Everyone’s does, sort of……

Between the ages of 18-30, I had ideas of how I wanted my life to flow. Things that I wanted. Goals I had hoped to achieve. I got behind said goals and put everything else on the back burner. Now as a 40 year old, I see that that type of singular dedication is really not all it’s cracked up to be. I have missed out on a lot that I can’t go back and experience.

Folks will tell you to go after your goals with everything you have. I won’t tell you to do that. I will tell you to consider every thing in your life and really decide if those goals are compatible with the long term. Mine weren’t.

I look at people like my mother who went into careers that they really didn’t want. Life interfered with their determined ideas. But when you look at it in retrospect she had successful career (even though it wasn’t the career she wanted) that has allowed her to luxuriate in her retirement (and has allowed me to not have to take care of her. Win Win for me!). But she sees her life differently. She only focuses on what she didn’t accomplish and she is miserable. And me, I accomplished all of my initial goals and am not any more satisfied than she is.

So how can this be remedied? Because clearly no one is always 100% happy. EXACTLY! First, recognize that you CANNOT have it all. People who tell you it is possible are kidding you and possibly themselves. Move away from them. They are unstable. Don’t listen to people over your own mind. Your decisions need to be your own. You can live with the results better if you made the decision rather than taking someone else’s advice. And consider everything thing. The short and long term. People who will be affected by your choices. Every-damn-thing. It’s not fair for innocents to be trapped by your choices. That is the true definition of generational curses.

Why did I feel like I needed to post this? I have no clue. It was before me and I went with it.



Imani said...


Thank you for your post. I turned 40 on the 22nd of this month and find myself reflecting on just what you've been discussing ... the Zag. Our mark on life, goals achieved or not... successes, failures. It's an appropriate time of reflection and refinement, necessary if we want to proceed to the next stage of life in a way that's conducive to our own happiness. Again, thanks for your observations. Peace