Monday, November 22, 2010

Babies Only

I'm pissed people.

Not at any particular person. Just in general. Let me go on to explain....

I live in this world. For the most part I have lived in this world solo. I don't have any children, a bad and inconsistent relationship with my family and a lot of close relatives are dead. It seems that after a certain point in life, holidays are no longer be about an individual but about babies. That's stupid. Not everyone has babies, or even wants them. But if you don't have babies, things like holidays and many social organizations find you usless. That is, unless you want to labor for other people's babies.

I recognize that 'it takes a village to raise a child.' But that statement alone implies that people serve different roles... And should. Yes you have the teacher that recognizes your potential and takes steps to further you along your journey. But that same teach does not have to provide food clothing and shelter for you. Yes there may be a special extended relative that teaches you hsi trade. But he isn't responsible for paying your way through college. Maybe there was someone form the block that looked out for you and kept you from getting beat up. That same person is not expected to leave you money in their will. BOUNDARIES PEOPLE!

I am not anti-children. Seriously. I love children. But my love for a child is not like a parent's love for their child and it shouldn't be. My Nation is big on the babies. Babies are the greatest! And I ain't mad. I'm willing to put in the work in to leave a legacy for the babies. But does that mean I want to inundated with other people's children? No. I'm not ashamed to say that. And I say No for many reasons. The bottom line is I don't want to. Nor should I want to. Being a "mother of civilization" is not the same as being a "mother to a civilization." Example... I own a house. I don't see people who don't live in houses coming over to the rest to aid me in the maintenance, or pay any of the bills. No one has ever asked. The only people who assist in the maintenance of my home are the people who live there or have a vested interest.

Years ago my co-worker lost his wife. He has 2 children. I was very supportive of him when his wife died. But those children aren't mine. I don't owe them anything.He makes way more money than I do. And those children receive SS from his deceased wife and their 2 homes were paid off with the accidental death insurance. I would be a damn fool to come out of pocket for his children. His daughter went as far to tell me what she wanted me to purchase for her for Christmas. I politely explained to her that I wasn't getting her anything. Yeah, she was angry, but she got over it.

Another co-worker of mine daughter graduated from high school a few years ago. Now I'm sure y'all are not unfamiliar with having a co-worker that takes very little for you to break the law and do them harm? This co-worker is that type of chick. She posted her daughter's graduation invitation on the bulletin board. It hurts me to say hi and bye to this chick, why would I buy her daughter a graduation present? This woman actually got angry with me. I heard her 18 year old daughter expaining that I was under no responsibility to purchase her a gift.... And a small child shall lead them.

Now the holidays are rolling around. Ok. And this year I don't have to spend them solo. Cool. But lets be real,these holidays as are most holidays all about children. Oh, they say it's about family, but do the knowledge, who are the ones that benefit from all the activity? Who gets new clothes, new toys and who are the ones have all the fun? The children. Who does all the work paying for it, cooking food and hustling to get everything together? Now I don't want you think I'm mad about that. I loved the holidays when I was a child. I appreciate the effortthe old people put in to make them memorable. And as an adult, I'm glad that I made the holidays relevant for my parents. But as an adult, with no children, and no desire to spend my gold on other people's children, I find holidays useless.

Also I wonder why does it take something to prompt people into doing something nice for people or visiting their families? If I wanted to see my mother and eat with her, I could do that anytime. I don't have to wait for a special occasion. If I want to get the God a gift, I could do that any time as well. I don't have to wait for something special. If I had children, why would I wait until the end of the year to lavish gifts on them? What's wrong with March or August?

The God and I were having a conversation about exactly what we were going to celebrate not just for the impending days but for the days to come. What were we going to pass on to the babies that doesn't seem like a mockery of our culture. We don't celebrate Christmas, Ramadan or Chanukah. Our babies will have to get over the fact that their savage contemporaries are going to have a free for all and they aren't. But that doesn't mean they will be left wanting for stuff. They will get it. Just not for no reason.

We are considering celebrating, instead of observing Kwanzaa. If we do, we will personalize it, but keep it similar enough for folks to recognize it. Instead of using the Swahili terms for the principles, we will use English, since that's what we speak. The principles will be discussed in context to that day's Supreme Mathematics. We will change the last principle, since we don't do 'faith.' We won't be dressing in African garb. Since I already have the stuff, I will put that up and burn the candles. Maybe I can convince the 7 to paint a Universal on the kinara I already have. We will have a meal every night together and exhange small gifts. We'll see how we like it. B.U.T. as I browze the internet what do I find? A whole bunch of activities for children and very little for adults.

I see why this time of year people tend to commit suicide. If you are alone and do not wish to be, this time of year is UNPLEASANT. Take it from me. I've run through that desert.

I remember after my 1st husband died, the church that we attended was having all these family activities. Simply because I was a solo individual meant that I could not participate in these events. I was okay with that, but the church was trying hard to keep me distracted. I didn't ask for that. They said I could work the events rather than enjoy them. Really? That church went as far to exclude me from several of their events. Seeing me alone was bringing them down. Then I was told that I had to marry any old man (seriously, it was any old single penis possessor) because it was 'unsafe' having a single woman around. Do I need to tell you that that was not the church I was attending when I let Christianity go? I may have been a savage Christian, but I wasn't a fool.

People need to stop behaving like everyone has this internal responsibility to give their all for children that aren't theirs.



Flying Mermaid said...

Ohh, maaan, do I feel you! Through my 30's and 40's this drove me insane, coming into adulthood just as the boomers put babies on the map, permanently ending the Children-Should-Be-Seen-and-Not-Heard era. It's when I first discovered women without children took the audacity of being single to new heights of non-recognition -- blah blah UGH!

The Original Wombman said...

I was reading a book about how it's important that some women remain single and childless. Why? So that they can support families! Really? I'm sorry but . . . children are a serious job, take serious commitment. Childrearing is backdrop against which I live my whole life. I would never expect someone who is single and child-free (I prefer that term) to drop everything she's doing to support me in my decision to raise children. I wouldn't want to. I'd be fine with small snatches of time but I wouldn't be willing to invest all that much in children that are not mine. Heck, even babysitting other kids who aren't mine is not one of my favorite things to do.

And that's the thing that people don't seem to realize: a single child-free woman actually has things going on. I don't know any of my single friends who are sitting around doing nothing! They're busy with their careers and other stuff! So I totally agree with your post!