Monday, December 14, 2009

Don't Have Children....

I went downstairs to get a little something something for a light snack earlier and I bumped into a chick that I Knew from NJ. It was completely unexpected. We caught up briefly and this is what she told me? Her 19 year old son has a baby on the way. So? I Know she expected me to extend my shoulder to her and say, "I?m sorry" but I couldn't. I see nothing wrong with having babies.

I am going to freely admit, that I used to buy into the okey doke. That there was a proper way and order to do life's most natural things. I bought into the marriage, house, 2 cars, and education type of scenario. And guess what it got me? No babies. I'm not blaming other people. I allowed it to happen. There used to be a time in my life where pleasing my parents was the sole most important thing to me. For them to be cross with me was like a death sentence. I assumed that they had the best for me in their hearts and they did. BUT... The 'Best' is a relative term. Meaning what worked for them wasn't necessarily going to work for me.

Don't have children without a husband. Women have been told this since the instiution got started. And I see the value of having children in a committed relationship where both parties want and agree to share responsibility of said children. But that?s not guaranteed by marriage. Lots of married men bounce and leave their children.

Don't have children until you have been married at least a year. Get to Know each other 1st. Ummm... Why would I need to 'get to Know' a man that I have just married? I mean, did I not Know this man when I accepted his proposal? It wasn't an arranged marriage. I Knew my late DH since I was a little girl. My mother was more practical when she made this suggestion. She said if I got pregnant immediately after getting married, people would think that was the reason we got married in the 1st place. Again... I have to ask this burning question? So?

Don't have children until you finish school. Again, I see the value of educated parents. It is assumed that educated people will earn more over the course of their lives. And it is easier to attend school without children than it is with them. I am not faulting that. BUT... many people go to school and have children at the same time. Yeah it may take them a long time and they miss out on the fun of the 'college experience' but it can be done if you find yourself in that situation.

Don'thave children until you buy a house. This is by far the stupidest rule I have heard regarding the whole baby thing. More renters have babies than home owners. I own and have rented; let me tell you this... purchasing a home is super DUPER vaginally drying. After purchasing our home and realizing how much money it was gonna take to get it the way we wanted it, and taxes, and repairs, and insurance...She-it!.... was enough for my late husband and I to put off having children for a few more years.

So where are my damn children? Here I am... previously married, educated, a home owner, and childless all the while 40 is breathing so heavily on the back of my neck that I can smell what it ate for breakfast. Not a good look. I'm angry. I am exponentially pissed off I'm disappointed that I listened to people and aided them in Building a prison house for me. Yes I call it a prison house, because in prison you give up making your own choices, by your own actions. Your wants aren't honored. I have always wanted children, but I listened to others and what their vision of my life should be now my choices are gone. When was a youngster I wanted at least 9 children. Had there names all picked out and everything. That desire has never passed But the people I respected told me that only ignorant people have that many children. And that Big Mama didn't have a TV back in the olden days and there wasn't anything else to do once it got dark. Okay all jokes aside. I'm upset that I didn't get my heart's desire. And I have to come to grips with that. But don't come at me with that BS current, "Well you can always adopt," or "Not everyone is meant to be a mother." You will get punched in the eye. You better hope I don't have my knife on me. I will shank you. And don't complain that your kids are knocked up either. I am neither your sister or companion in that tribulation.



Precise said...

Eat your Wheaties, I'll be there soon. ;-)