Monday, June 29, 2009

Shady is, as Shady does

I feel shady. Generally shadiness, regret and guilt are not emotions that I do. I live in such a way that I'm not bothered by these frivoluous emotions. But ther eis some shadiness stalking me right now and I'm gonna tell you why....

At the beginning of this month I attended Show and Prove. I took of work, made travel arrangements (NYC is like 1000 miles away), hotel accomodations, had money in my purse, drove back and forth to locales, but.... I can't drive to the west end once a month for a free rally? Empahatically Now Cipher! I gotta do better.

I know why this phenomenon exists. Actually there are a few reasons. I'm shy and I doubted my ability to build well. My previous experiences with this Nation left me feeling like my 120 experience was less than other G's and E's. And a lot of ways it was. I'm too old to be this new and I find the machismo the Gods display a little irritating. I'm a little more seasoned now. I see thing a little different. Have a little more confidence. But that doesn't mean I'm a ever like building. But I don't like bills but I pay those each month.

The God frequently quotes the Understanding God degree of the 1-40. He says that we shouldn't be unseen, but seen and heard everywhere. I have been remiss. So.... I'm a go to every rally that I can. And I will prepare to build in a rally say, in Sptember 2009. I should be doone with 120 by then. Too much, too little?