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Thursday, August 6, 2009

Equality

Today’s Supreme Mathematics is Equality. I see that to mean ‘balanced relationships; dealing fairly with people. The way it’s slapping me upside the head is how certain people expect from you what they are not willing to give.

If you know me in the physical, you know that I don’t have a good relationship with my mother. In fact it has been said that the two of us are like fire and lighter fluid. If we weren’t related, we would not be friends. I have taken the avoidance approach. Meaning I rarely visit, hardly call, and if I am forced to visit, I don’t stay overnight. My mother doesn’t like me either, but she will refuse to admit the fact. She, however, takes the direct opposite approach. She is confrontational. She constantly calls, (I don’t answer) and sends dirty emails, makes requests she knows I’m not going to agree too and tells anyone who will listen how I ruined her life. She often claims in anger that she should have aborted me.

One of her biggest complaints is that I don’t appreciate all that she has done for me. I mean what is that supposed to mean? Yes she took care of me. Isn’t that what mothers do? Am I supposed to spend the rest of my life trying to pay her back for something that she was supposed to do? I don’t get this. She made sacrifices. Don’t all mothers do that? She says that she stayed when my father left. Ummmm… She ran him off and he didn’t go away. My father lived walking distance from my home and I could see him any time I chose. Also, little known fact that she never mentioned…. My father continued to pay the mortgage until they officially divorced years later. My mother proclaims she paid for me to go to college. Correction. She paid for 3 semesters, my father paid 4 semester and I paid 1 semester (then my father paid me back). My parents made too much money for me to qualify for financial aid at that school.

I’m not trying to slam my mother. But she was not the perfect long suffering mother that she pretends to be. I will not accept the yoke that she puts on my back. I see other folks with their mothers. I know this is not normal. My mother is unreal in the requests that she wants. When I say no, and stand my ground, I get slammed not only between her and me, but through the entire family and up and down the eastern seaboard. I once met some one who upon hearing my name asked me if I was her daughter. When I confirmed the information this man proceeded to rip me a new one 5 minutes after meeting me. A woman, who once heard me sing, heard her speak at a different venue. She went over to my mother and asked her if she was my mother. My mother responded by saying, “What did she do now?” Come on, is that fair? She proceeded to tell this woman exaggerated personal information. And of course she spins it to make herself feel like a victim. Hell even writing this is pissing me off.

I don’t want to hear foolish advice like, “Why don’t you guys sit down and talk about it.” What you never thought in all my decades of life I hadn’t thought of that? If I had a dollar for every time I heard that bullshit statement, I could take a road trip around the world buying only high test for my SUV.

Oooooh…. And I hate folks that come at you like, “She’s your mother” and “You only get one” or “You’ll miss her when she’s gone.” Really? I don’t wanna hear that shit anymore. If you love and have a functional relationship with your mother, great! Y’all drink some international coffee and braid each other’s hair and be happy. Because you could have mine! If she is not willing to deal with me in Equality, I’m out.



Peace

1 comments:

Divine said...

Peace to the Earth! Earth those situations are real and as you said all mothers make sacrifices, that's part of being a parent. There's this sista on youtube, Alexyss K. Tylor, that did a series of discussions called "Momma/Daughter Drama" and she discussed how some mothers are like animals that eat their young, how every woman that gives birth is not a good woman, and how some women abuse their relationships with their children...now Alexyss is raw, b.u.t she brings up a lot of good points and her advice seems to be what you are already doing: Leave her the hell alone! Love her from a distance. Dealing in equality starts with you first, 'cause if you don't, folks will blood suck you for all the peace, positivity, and balanced energy you have, and that's REAL TALK.

PEACE
Divine IZ Earth,
reflecting the light of Knowledge Said Allah