Mommie...

Peace,

My mother is old. She's 78 but acts 108. I'm not saying that to be mean. But it is what it is.

Mother and I have never gotten along. We love each other because we are related. But we wouldn't be friends without that connection. She doesn't like anything I've done with my life. But I love the life I've crafted. I find it fulfilling. But to my mother, I'm a great disappointment.

My mother isn't going to change. It's impossible for her to change. Not only has she set in her ways... That set is about circa 1998. When she looks at me, she doesn't see a grown woman, she sees a 14 year old child. For some reason she refuses to accept that I'm grown. She makes demands on me that are really ridiculous with complete expectation that I will comply. 

Example: She, for some reason, can't stay alone in her home where she has lived for 20 years at night. So she pays someone to stay with her. It's a sweet gig too. Someone gets paid $300/week in cash to sleep! But when the babysitter can't make it, it's my job to sleep here. That might seem reasonable if I didn't live 4 hours away. She expects me to drop everything and come here to sit on a couch all day. That is some bullshit.

The 14 year old thing comes into play because I have to tell her where I'm going and when I'll be back. Again, that may sound reasonable until you realize that if she thinks I shouldn't go she expects me to not go. No reasons given. I'm just supposed to not go. Incredibly frustrating. She'll steal items that she doesn't like me wearing. And she buys me clothes I'll never wear. 

There is also no food for me here ever. I've been a vegetarian for 17 years. Is there fruit and veggies for me when I'm summoned? No. And when I go and purchase them she gets offended. She expects me to eat the food she provides. And the provided food is meat and swine laced.

I suppose this sounds like I'm whining... And I might be. But what most bothers me... And this is so selfish... She's no longer a mother. I can't call on her for advice. Her advice is antiquated and not useful in this technological age. The job market is different... Relationships are different. The world has left her behind. She's not a useful parent anymore. And it's not that I need one. But it would be nice to have....

I just needed to vent.

Peace