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Thursday, May 11, 2017

Gender Roles

Peace

It is important for folks when they find they gender role to be true and honest in expression. For it affects your destiny.....

And I’m a preface this by saying I’m a female and I’m going to mark this Build like a female. Everything I’m saying can apply to men or others, but you have to translate it. And that’s your job. Not mine.
Men and women are different. It’s not just our genitals that make us different but just about everything in life.... We each have our own natures and that is right and exact. We don’t need everyone to be doing the same things. Men go out and hunt. They don’t need to be distracted by the pretty flowers. Women can see different spectrum… That’s useful when we are striving to find medicinal plants. We can taste different aspects of food too. Also good for determining if food is spoiled. Our hearing is more precise. So we can hear our babies when they are in distressed and specifically our own babies. Our outlook, our jobs, our familial responsibilities..... Every fucking thing…. All different. Don’t drink the KoolAid when they tell women to think like a man. There is nothing wrong with how we think. And men think disturbing thoughts.

I’m a female. Born that way, identify as a female. Therefore I need to act like a female. I had this realization more than a decade ago. I used to wear pants and sneakers all the time. I’m naturally tomboy hard and that was coming out like gangbusters. Lesbians approached me more than men. So much in fact that was getting offended. I’m not homophobic, but I wanted men to approach me and not women. I was giving off an energy that was contrary to what I wanted. Also, my cycles became irregular. Think about it, if I was trying to be a man, why would I need a cycle?

So, I started wearing only dresses and skirts. Well….. If you are wearing skirts, you need to wear heeled shoes and not sneakers. Now that I have on a dress and shoes, I can’t walk all butch, and I can’t walk anywhere I want. I now have to be ladylike. And the men responded. If a man saw me in a struggle with pants on, they let me struggle. But if a man saw me struggle in a dress, they came to my aid. They opened doors…. Reached items I couldn’t reach… helped me over puddles and gravel…. carried heavy packages for me…. Spoke to me in a more respectful manner. I will not trade that for anything. It’s what’s kept me in skirts/dresses for nearly 15 years. But I had to get myself in a position where I could also RECEIVE male energy. That is something that women do all the time. It not only affects the women receiving the energy, but it repels the men giving it. If a man offers me a seat on the bus/train, I ALWAYS take it. Even if I don’t need or want it. Men need to take care of women and women need to feel cared for. I want that man to always offer a seat to women. Maybe there is a sickly, or elderly, or pregnant woman who needs a seat. I want that man to know she won’t rebuff him.

My point is..... If you are a woman and want to be a woman.... embrace the whole package. There is nothing wrong with it. If you strive to be a man because you perceive you have to, then you will truly become a man. You’ll lose your curves and they will be replaced with muscle. Your voice will deepen. You will develop facial hair. You will attract all the male issues and problems into your life and you have not been taught or socialized how to handle them. In the end you will crack up.
I went to Catholic school. Nuns aren’t feminine… at all. You can actually tell how long a woman has been a nun by how masculine she looks. If she has a high voice and hips, she’s a neophyte. But those long term nuns… deep voices, no curves, goatees and masculine demeanors. They got Jesus. They don’t need another man. Priests in turn, are effeminate. Now this is a tricky issue because a lot of gay men turn to the priest hood. But they have no need to be masculine unless they are striving to move up the priestly ranks. So they lose the base in their voices and other things.

There is nothing wrong with being “high maintenance” or a “gold digger”. Don't let those titles offend you. What man wants a busted looking woman? Women naturally make their surroundings comfortable. We nest. Our nests need to be comfortable for our babies. So High maintenance? Bring that shit right here! And women are not natural providers. Men are. So a man with some means? Bring that man to me! It’s his job to provide for me and our children. I, in turn, will give him a home that he can be comfortable in.

I’m a Black woman. But I’m not a strong Black woman. I work and make money. But I don’t provide for my family. That’s my husband’s job. But my job is to care, and take care of my family intuitively. And I do that. When I was single and had to do the man thing for myself.... I allowed myself female trappings of crying when I had to do man’s work. That was a sacrifice to wash away the male energy. And I went all in on the girly to counteract the masculine. And I was single as long as I chose to be. Don’t be confused... Men want women. Not women that buck, but women who are soft. And I’m not saying doormats. There is a mighty power in femininity. But in this age, we are not taught how to use it. If your expectation is you have to do for self because you don’t want to rely on a man. Then you’re reality is you won’t get one.
You don’t just commit to a destiny with your words. Your actions play a part as well....

Peace

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Manless Women

Peace…..

This is not going to be a well-received post. It really isn’t. But what can I say? I’m a truth speaker. And maybe this might soothe a torn relationship.

My father used to tell me all the time that I needed to hang with women that were in the same “life situation” as me. Meaning, if I had children then I should be friends with other mothers. If was married, my friends should also be married. And so on…. He said that women in particular could be jealous of a situation that they didn’t possess. That statement bothered me immensely because my friends were starting to get married and have children. That meant that I would have to get brand new friends that I had no Koran with, and that unsettled me. But Daddy didn’t give life advice all that often and…. It was usually right on target. Through the years, it turned out to be exactly the truth. It never stopped being unsettling though. Especially since I’m a person that doesn’t make friends easily. But I find that even now… having friends outside my station leads to unnecessary stress.

I’m a married woman. That means I have responsibilities to my husband and household. I can’t just drop everything and hang out with the girls. I need some advanced notice. My husband expects things from me. He wants to spend time with me when he comes home from work. And he wants a home cooked meal. He understands that I need time out to be a girl (I am VERY girly), but I also need time with him and the cat. And that is something single women need to understand.

My husband is not subjugating me with these expectations. I knew this before I married him. And in knowing all that, it’s disrespectful for me to flout those agreed upon expectations. So…. Now…. I have to mitigate my relationship with my manless-women friends. I’m sorry ladies, I need to know well in advance if we are going to hang out during family time. It’s not that I need to get permission to hang with you, but I have to make some adjustments. If we are going out on Wednesday, I have to pre-cook dinner. I’ll have to find some extra time with the God during the previous week. Maybe I let him watch the game in the bedroom rather than banish him to the man cave. And, most importantly, I will tell him in advance that I’m going out. That’s super fair. But for him to just come home and I’m not there, no food is cooked and I don’t get home until he’s asleep is not fair to him. And if he did that to me….. there would be a super problem.

And I don’t need to hear your mouth telling me…. Someone’s wife…. How to control MY husband. Let me let you in on a little secret. Happily married women don’t tell other women how to ‘control’ their men. We may tell each other things that we do to make our spouses happy, but we understand that every man is different. and I get there there are situations where single women aren't necessarily "single" in the mind. I was previously widowed, I still behaved like a married woman for years after the event. Also women who are in polygamous relationships are somewhere in the middle. But both of those situations, the women have men.... It's just part time or something else. But if you have NO man… you really have nothing to share to those of us that do have men. I’m just saying….


Peace

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Christmas....

Peace.

It's the holiday season for most folks. It isn't for me, though. But somehow I think you knew that. Gods and Earths don't celebrate Christmas.... or we shouldn't. I get the xmas has 2 sides: the religious side and the secular side. We aren't religious people but the secular side is no less religious. You just exchange Jesus for Santa Claus. Santa has a back story and there are practices. How is it different from Jesus? That being said.... I stopped celebrating Christmas long before I went under instruction...

My mother and I have issues.... But she always got the gift giving holidays right. Birthdays and xmas were awesome in our house. I was very lucky to have parents who had their finances in order. Except for when I asked for a Walkman... that cost $700 back then.... I always got whatever I asked for. Lucky little girl I was!. Mommie was good about keeping her secrets so you really didn't know what was happening until it did. One xmas, she was in the hospital and still managed to pull off wrapped gifts, breakfast and everything!

B.U.T..... As I got older, xmas fell off. Xmas is really time for children. At least that's how it's always been for me. I was the youngest and once I was too old for the childish celebration, it stopped entirely. My mother would decorate the window instead of putting up a tree. And she would return a gift if you didn't buy her one of equal or greater value. We didn't even share a meal as a family anymore. Christmas is for kids. My 1st xmas of being a wife, my husband and I put up an elaborate tree. I bought a ton of presents to make xmas morning exciting. He bought 1 gift. It wasn't exciting to me. Again, I was slapped in the face with the fact that xmas was for kids. My late husband did buy me a nice and expensive gift but it wasn't his nature to do up the holidays or birthdays like my biological family. We got into the habit of travelling on xmas so there was no need to decorate.

After H1 died... I still remained a dutiful christian for a few more years. I only put a tree up once. I had a xmas party so you need a tree for that and a man I was dating decided to give me a real tree after I told him I never had one before. It was kinda cool... until my cat peed on it. That year I had 2 1/2 trees and only 2 gifts for me under any of them. This is not my idea of xmas so I gave it up. I knew I probably wasn't ever going to have children so I'm not going through the effort.

Now that I'm a righteous, true and living Earth.... I hardly think of xmas. I don't celebrate it. I would love to work through it and get paid time in a half! The God and I literally stay in bed all day and eat Chinese food for dinner. The only gift I buy is for my mother. So she doesn't tell folks her heathen daughter doesn't love her. She sells that shit really well because I don't go to church with her... and I'm not. That's xmas for me. New years looks pretty much the same... I don't stay up anymore. I love being this age. The age of "I really don't give AF!"



Peace




I earned my flag on Christmas Day in 2009!

Friday, December 16, 2016

Today's Mathematics: Knowledge Equality

Peace.

A couple of days ago, I visited an old friend. This woman and I share a profession. She actually practices said profession, where I just hold the degree. Still and all it was a pleasant visit. We had been cool in the past and quickly got caught up. BUT.... there's always a but right? She, in her way, judged me for not pursuing my career.

This judgement is not new to me. My godmother said for all in the cipher to hear that I am a huge disappointment to my mother. I mean she said it as casually as one would remark about the weather. And she wonders why I don't call her. I'm used to hearing this over and over again. But on Tuesday, it kind of pissed me off.

I don't get why folks feel comfortable judging other folks. I'm not going to say I don't judge folks... But I don't really. I mean if I see someone I don't know wearing something shady, I will in a passing, wonder where her friends are. But when it comes to people I know, I trust them to make their own decisions. Because at the end of the day.... Their decisions really don't have any affect on my own life. I can show and prove it.... I have a friend who makes soooooo many poor choices. But that's her life to live. Not mine. I mentally support her through the consequences of her actions; but I have no dog in her race.

So my professional friend in her effervescent pity of my life had to get them words. I asked her how her husband was. She said fine. I let her know my husband was fine too. I asked her how her family was. I let her know my family was fine as well. I asked her when her last vacation was. She said she hasn't had one in years. I let her know where I had recently visited and where I'm going next. I asked her about hobbies that I know she likes. She's too busy to busy to do any of them. We used to belong to the same book club, so I asked her what she was reading. She's too busy to read. See where I'm going with this? But after about 30 minutes, she got the picture I was throwing. In a last ditch effort she strived for shade and asked me about my finances. She knows that I had a period of unemployment. I let her know that at no point in my extended vacation did I miss a meal or want for something I needed. I also reminded her that in our 15 year friendship, never have I asked for a penny or a ride to the airport. I just wanted to laugh with an old friend.

But this is a righteous 5% blog. So I should be able to draw up the situation in degrees right? Well..... I can. I counteracted her judgement by forcing her to acknowledge the Equality of our lives. Yes she is working the career that we went to school for. But is she living better than I? I've been to her mansion. She has to work HARD to pay for that. My home is modest in comparison, but even after being unemployed for 8 months, I was able to meet my financial responsibilities. She couldn't do that if the tables were reversed. But that is the Equality of our lives. She's not living better than me. And she needed to be shown that.

There's a reason I haven't seen her in 6 years.....

Peace

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Thanksgiving

Peace.

I celebrate Thanksgiving. I fix a big vegetarian meal with far too many starches and a ton of desserts, I assemble some friends (because my family ain't shit when it comes to Thanksgiving) and we EAT! I know a lot of G's And E's stand with the indigenous people of this wilderness and fast. Well...... I don't see it like that.

When I 1st went under instruction, I found it interesting in the Student Enrollment, that when numbering the Original people in the US, they added the Native Americans separate. Hmmmm..... Are they not our brothers and sisters in the struggle? Did not the devil do devilshment to them as well? Should we not be ALL counted as one?

HELL NO!

I don't hate Native Americans... perse'. What I have for them is nothing. Feelings of concern have been counteracted by feelings of animosity. him/devil has shit all over Native Americans... giving them diseases, out right exterminating them, stealing their land, putting them on reservations.... that should earn my sympathy. And it would. If the Native Americans hadn't shown and proven themselves to be hypocrites.

Native Americans held African slaves. For reals. They treated their slaves the same way white people treated slaves. When slavery ended in the US... the Native people kept their slaves since they were considered separate country within a country. When the developed their treaty with the US that would absorb them into society proper, yes they freed their Black slaves but refused to let them be included in the concessions the US government was giving Natives. I suppose they didn't want the Black folks to dilute their benefits. As if there wasn't enough to go around. We like education and healthcare. And if we were living on reservations.... Life would be LIT AF!

Fast forward to today... Native Americans refuse to let folks who have the appropriate DNA play in their reindeer games. What the fuck is the government giving them that they need to keep it so close??? I get them not wanting people to appropriate their culture, but when you keep it secret, you don't give folks the opportunity to care about your issues. But you can't hold folks responsible for caring about something they have no Knowledge of. As I look through civil rights footage, I don't necessarily see them. I know they were probably hiding in plain sight, but if you don't formally stand for the cause... and I mean stand with your body, money, time, children etc... just not standing in your living room and on the internet... then you didn't do shit. YET... they want us to care about their plight. If it wasn't for the Dakota pipeline issues, I would be unaware of their presence. Until they start protesting Thanksgiving. And this goes for all they different groups with their protests.... stop stealing Black folks ideas. Set your own precedence. We would like to be able to bite every now and then, rather than having to come up with fresh ideas all the time.

So yes, native people are Original people. Just because they're brown, don't make them kin...

Enjoy your Holiday.



PEACE!

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Today's Supreme Mathematics: Knowledge God

Peace....

I know its been awhile since I built. Y'all know that I HATE typing from home. There is just no comfy place to sit down and really get my thoughts out. I think it's because I see building as a scholarly pursuit and scholarly pursuits should happen at a desk... outside the home. That's just me. Home is for me to take off my headwrap and chill.....

But I got a gig! A Justice Cipher Born! It's part time, but it's laid back. and I can pay my share of household bills with the money I earn. It will be tight, but I think I can manage. If I can't.... that's what the God is for! My boss is an original Black man from Africa. I mean directly from Africa. Ethiopia actually. I've never worked for a Black man before. I've worked for a Black woman... not pleasant... But never a Black man. That sounds crazy when I say it, when I type it... But it's true. The closest I've ever worked for a Black man, that wasn't my father, was in college and grad school. And that didn't really count. Those jobs were just a work study exploit.

So far, so good... When I interviewed, I wore my headwrap, as I did to all my interviews. He didn't bat an eye. At other interviews, they would openly stare at my head. I kind of expected that, but what can I do? I'm a headwrap wearing Earth! There was a discussion about how I don't wear pants and my coworkers were shocked. But the boss said that was an honorable decision that I, and American woman, has made.

Even though my new boss is a Christian, I will still work for him as I've worked for no other. I want to see this man succeed. Because he employs only Original people and the patients are Black. I don't know if that's by design... I've been here long enough to get a paycheck that cleared. He comes across as a caring person and he's not made a power move on me. I don't think I'm Halle Berry, but that is a recurrent problem I have and I don't know why.

So keeping with Today's Supreme Math of Knowledge God abbt Build/Destroy.... I see my boss as having God potential with low God probability. He is not ever gonna go under NGE instruction, but remains eligible. And where as I have little Knowledge about the expectations of working with a Black man I will give him my best to Build this practice.

And since I'm employed again y'all.... I'll be posting more!!!



PEACE!

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Mommie...

Peace,


My mother is old. She's 78 but acts 108. I'm not saying that to be mean. But it is what it is.

Mother and I have never gotten along. We love each other because we are related. But we wouldn't be friends without that connection. She doesn't like anything I've done with my life. But I love the life I've crafted. I find it fulfilling. But to my mother, I'm a great disappointment.

My mother isn't going to change. It's impossible for her to change. Not only has she set in her ways... That set is about circa 1998. When she looks at me, she doesn't see a grown woman, she sees a 14 year old child. For some reason she refuses to accept that I'm grown. She makes demands on me that are really ridiculous with complete expectation that I will comply. 

Example: She, for some reason, can't stay alone in her home where she has lived for 20 years at night. So she pays someone to stay with her. It's a sweet gig too. Someone gets paid $300/week in cash to sleep! But when the babysitter can't make it, it's my job to sleep here. That might seem reasonable if I didn't live 4 hours away. She expects me to drop everything and come here to sit on a couch all day. That is some bullshit.

The 14 year old thing comes into play because I have to tell her where I'm going and when I'll be back. Again, that may sound reasonable until you realize that if she thinks I shouldn't go she expects me to not go. No reasons given. I'm just supposed to not go. Incredibly frustrating. She'll steal items that she doesn't like me wearing. And she buys me clothes I'll never wear. 

There is also no food for me here ever. I've been a vegetarian for 17 years. Is there fruit and veggies for me when I'm summoned? No. And when I go and purchase them she gets offended. She expects me to eat the food she provides. And the provided food is meat and swine laced.

I suppose this sounds like I'm whining... And I might be. But what most bothers me... And this is so selfish... She's no longer a mother. I can't call on her for advice. Her advice is antiquated and not useful in this technological age. The job market is different... Relationships are different. The world has left her behind. She's not a useful parent anymore. And it's not that I need one. But it would be nice to have....

I just needed to vent.


Peace